The Trap of Punishment and Reward

There has been a theme playing out for thousands of years, if not more. The theme is one of punishment and reward. One where there are good guys, and there are bad guys. In the end, they claim the good ones win. But can it be that simple?

We judge. That is what we are capable of and what we do. It’s a mechanism the brain uses to figure out its reality. We get into trouble when that judgment becomes hurtful. Especially when we judge ourselves. We put ourselves and everyone else into the categories of good or bad.

We created this system to gain social order. It has nothing to do with God or with humanity. We see “good” people turn “bad” all the time and vice versa. People change because circumstances change. And circumstances change because we change.

The other problem we run into with this mentality is believing we will be punished for making a wrong decision or rewarded when making a good one. There are so many shades of grey in this philosophy, I don’t even know where to begin.

There are is no punishment nor reward, only consequences. We can start there. A consequence results from a decision. This is also a very neutral mechanism, just like 1+1=2.

We slip, we fall. We hug someone we feel warmth and affection. We feel anger; we scream and someone gets hurt. These are consequences, not punishments. The trap we get ourselves into is thinking we are all bad when facing one of those consequences. We need to separate the action from the person, especially from ourselves.

We can start seeing every decision we make, like an experiment. What will it produce? If the results from the decision are something that causes us issues. Review the results to see if we make changes, how the consequence automatically change as well.

The same goes with a decision that causes us to feel good. That went better than we planned. Let us not see it as a reward, but simply see that the consequences of the actions we took yielded positive results. Every poor decision we make is a teacher, not a mistake.

It all boils down to intention. Our intentions are like the ingredients of a cake. If the ingredients are fresh, the cake will come out tasting amazing. If the ingredients are of poor quality, the cake will taste funky. Having a funky cake makes us understand what ingredients we need to use next time to make it better.

If we get caught up in the “oh no, the universe is punishing me because I am horrible and deserve nothing but funky cake.” We stifle our ability to grow from the situation. We fail to see every setback as an opportunity to become wiser. Instead, we get caught up in the limbo that is punishment. The space of no movement nor hope. Sure, it might feel comfortable since it’s a space we all grew up in.

Then, when the reward comes, we feel ecstatic. The mentality behind this is a roller-coaster ride. Up and down, just waiting for the next pat on our backs, that we did well. Because, at the end of the day, we are all trying to prove to ourselves that maybe, just maybe, we aren’t as bad as someone made us out to be.

To find peace is to stop punishing ourselves. It is to stop and use the power of our free will to look for alternatives. Experiment with it, have fun.

There is so much more to say about this topic but to keep it short. We will all be “better” people if we stop trying to paint reality black and white all the time. And remember, the one punishing ourselves the most is ourselves.