The Transgender Code

My shot at writing it down

In a previous article I wrote about the challenges of walking the line between the GUY CODE and the GIRL CODE as I transition. It made me wonder:

Is there a TRANSGENDER CODE?

Guess what? When I Googled “transgender code” all I got was a full page of guides on how to code “transgender” on a medical form so that a doctor could submit the right paperwork to an insurance company to get paid for treating transgender individuals.

Nope, no real TRANSGENDER CODE written by us. (I really am transgender by the way.)

So, let’s change that. I am starting the first Transgender Code (that I know of). Of course, this is meant to be somewhat humorous so don’t attack me for insensitivity. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

OK, we need to consider whether there should be a separate code for trans men and and one for trans women? I’m not sure but let’s try and break from tradition and start with one code for all of us. We share a common pain.

Here goes:

Within the trans community:

1. Never criticize someone’s passability. Only offer advice if advice is requested. Our looks are our most fragile fear. Never feed the fear.
2. Never criticize someone if they choose to be stealth. It is their business.
3. Never, ever out someone.
4. Be the shoulder that can be relied on. We carry so much pain and rejection already it is crucial to lift some of that of burden for someone from time to time.
5. Never turn away the need for a “hug” in whatever form it is needed: online, on the phone or in person. “Give and ye shall receive.”
6. Be ready to laugh with each other. We deserve it. There are so many things happening in transitioning that we can share the humor of the experience. Life has provided us humor as a way to survive. Don’t be serious 24/7.
7. Share the joy of discovery with each other. Each success is a shared success. We deserve every ounce of joy.

Within the cis community:

1. If it is “Chicks before Dicks.” and “Bros before Hoes.”, then it’s “Gender before Chromosomes” (sorry I couldn’t come up with a cool rhyme with “trans” other than “trans before glans.” Not sure that made sense.)
2. Expect ignorance, tolerate honest questions and stone the haters.
3. Always have each other’s back. Many times, no else has it.
4. Don’t beat up allies. They are trying to understand and accept. It takes time. Be patient.
5. Don’t respect the opinion if you don’t respect the person. You are better than they know.
6. Stand up for our rights. Either we stand together or fall separately.
7. Never forget we are as good as anyone else and in some cases realize that we are even better. We know the difference between the pain that others inflict and the love that we are capable of.

Thoughts? I’m just priming this pump. Please feel free to add at will.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.

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