Summary

The author discusses the personal struggle with self-improvement, the pursuit of goals, and the eventual realization that happiness comes from appreciating the present and the journey, rather than from achieving specific goals.

Abstract

The article titled "Too much Free Time" delves into the author's experience with the self-improvement industry and the pursuit of life goals. Initially, the author had grand visions without clear direction, leading to a cycle of consuming self-help content, attempting to apply it, and then slipping back into old habits. This cycle resulted in feelings of failure and low self-esteem. The author describes a period of escapism through various forms of media to avoid these feelings, particularly the guilt associated with not meeting personal expectations. Eventually, the author learns to value the present, embracing free time without guilt, and finding joy in life's simple pleasures, which has been key to maintaining sanity during isolation.

Opinions

The author initially believed that having a clear, daily goal was essential for a sense of purpose and success.
They found that the constant pursuit of self-improvement and the pressure to achieve goals led to a sense of failure and decreased self-esteem.
The author suggests that true happiness is not tied to achieving goals but rather to the process of self-improvement and enjoying the journey.
They criticize the self-improvement industry for creating a loop of consumption and temporary motivation, which often doesn't lead to lasting change.
The author admits to using distractions like video games and social media to cope with the pressure of personal development, which provided a sense of productivity while suppressing feelings of failure.
They advocate for appreciating free time and not rushing to build a business or be creative, emphasizing the importance of enjoying life's small moments without guilt.

Too much Free Time

How Self-improvement content is poisoning happiness.

I, like the majority of people, used to want big things. I had grand visions for myself, but not a clear goal in mind. My mind was foggy and undecided. So I spent a lot of time trying to filter out my life goals.

A goal that can be worked towards every single day, is the most common idea of a sense of purpose. The ultimate recipe for success.

It’s not about the goal

Probably the cheesiest sentence I have ever written. It’s not about the goal, it’s about the journey.

Happiness doesn’t come from where you are now. Nor will it come from where you will ever be. It comes from improving.

Therefore the only question that matters is, are you better today than yesterday?

That was my mantra.

Even though I didn’t know where I was going, I knew I had to start.

I thought self-improvement was the key. It felt like I was at the edge of it. Just one tiny step from understanding everything.

I watched youtube and read articles on personal development, goal setting exercises, journaling. Consuming, consuming, consuming. Thinking there was a magic key to reality.

I implemented what I’ve learned about self-improvement into my daily life, and it felt amazing. But only for a few days. Then I started to fall back into my old habits. The loop started again. Consuming, implementing, slipping back.

Each time I fell back into my habits, a sense of failure crept in. My self-esteem slowly chipped away. It was a vicious circle.

I was in a pit. What made it even worse, I knew I had potential which I wasn’t reaching, than if I just didn’t know at all. I had the worst of both worlds. I knew I could achieve much more and live life to the fullest, but my actions towards it just weren’t present. I was only consuming.

Because I was in this position, I tried to escape. I would go to video games, social media, YouTube, or anything that released as much dopamine as possible.

At least Youtube videos made me feel productive, while I could suppress my boredom and hide from my thoughts of failure. I wasn’t present, just floating threw life. Wishing time would pass quicker.

Every morning I was waiting for the night to come because it was the only moment when I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed of wasting time.

As soon as I woke up in the morning, it hit me again that I had this vision, that I had these goals which I wanted to achieve. But my actions were in complete contradiction. To get out of this cycle, I thought the key lies in personal development. So I learned about habits, the Pomodoro technique, if-then statements, and all these great hacks. Learning about them made me feel productive, but I knew they are not the key to my problem.

The key to my problem lies in learning to appreciate the huge amounts of time I have now, without any guilt of wasting it.

There is no rush to build a business right now. No guilt in being uncreative and no shame in enjoying the small things in life.

That is how I keep my sanity in isolation.