The Toilet Paper Caper: Chapter 10

A Stark Mystery

Whipple hopped on a blue stallion, and I jumped on a zebra. He looked at me and said, “What are you doing? You need to get on my horse. We both have to hold the device to make the leap through time.”

So I hopped on the stallion with Whipple, wrapped my arm around him, and grabbed the time-travel device. More than a few mothers and children gave us funny looks.

“Hold on,” He said.

Zoom bippity boom, we were flying through that psychedelic tunnel again. Only this time we heard:

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain With the rain in Shambala Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame With the rain in Shambala Ah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I was beginning to wonder if time-travel requires There Dog Night music. That would be bonkers. But also a gas. I would love to see a bunch of lab coats [or writers] squirm while trying to explain that one.

When the song ended, we were still on the carousel, but the fair was gone. It was just a park now. I saw the decaying towers of the New York State Pavilion and the Unisphere. I knew we were in Queens at Flushing Meadows-Corona Park in 2020. Oh, the irony!

I had half expected to end up in Shambala. Wherever that was. But apparently, in this brand of time-travel, you end up where you started, just at a different time. Which seems like the logical way for time-travel to work. Not like those meatball time-travel shows where you start out in a lab and end up on a Civil War battlefield in the middle of a battle. No dice, Mack, that ain’t realistic.

Anyway, Darling had hopped on the carousel at the same time. On an elephant, I believe. And apparently set her time-travel device to the exact same date as us. How the dame knew the date we were traveling to, I have no idea. Bluetooth maybe? It didn’t matter; she was here.

I could tell her boots were made for walking. So we ran. Whipple and I easily outran her and her clunky knee-high boots, and made our getaway. Once we were in the clear, I asked Whipple about the time-travel device.

“Where did you get that time-travel device?”

“In the future!” He said a little too dramatically. “We all had one. Jimmy, Rebecca, Thad, and me. I knew the only way to stop them was to destroy their devices. I stole Thad’s, but the others figure out my plan before I could get the rest of them.”

“How did you get to the future to get the devices?”

“Didn’t anyone tell you not to question the mechanics of time-travel? It really complicates things. But if you must know, Jimmy is from the future. He came back with the devices and the plan.”

“Darling told me it was your plan.”

“Of course she did. She is a money-crazed psycho like my brother. Neither one of us is safe with the three of them after us.”

“So, what’s up with the Pinto?”

“A guy named Doc Brown built it in the 1980s. When he upgraded to a DeLorean, it just sat in his garage. After I stole Thad’s device and smashed it, the rest of them traveled to the ‘80s and stole the Pinto so they could all have a way to travel. Apparently, it was Rebecca’s turn to drive when she came to get you. But she obviously switched again.”

“And what’s up with the Three Dog Night music during time-travel?”

“We all just like it. It’s very catchy.”

“I can’t argue that. When this is over, is there any chance we can travel to Kansas? I met this dame there…”

“No. There are too many weird Oz-related things going on.”

“True. We can talk about it later.” I paused dramatically to give the appearance of intelligent thought. “How about Spain? I’ve never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music.”

Whipple looked up, deep in thought.

“Nevermind,” I said. “What’s the plan now?”

“What it’s always been. Somehow get the time-travel devices away from the three of them. Then destroy them, stranding them in time before time-travel was invented. Then jump to 2019 and put a stop to this toilet paper madness before it starts.”

“That’s going to be harder than getting two Jumper Cable coney dogs on Christmas Day.”

“Any ideas?” Whipple asked.

“Yeah. End the chapter.”

To be continued in Chapter 11…

Previous chapters:

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9