avatarBertilla Niveda

Summary

The article "The Tired, Trapped Indian Engineer" recounts the personal journey of a young individual coerced into an engineering career against their interests, detailing the struggles and disillusionment faced throughout their education.

Abstract

The narrative delves into the experiences of a student who, at 15, was excited about the future but was steered into a career in engineering by parental pressure, despite expressing a lack of interest in computer science. Initially, the student was content with the general science stream, believing it offered a broad scope for decision-making. However, the pressure to conform to societal and familial expectations intensified, leading to a protracted battle to pursue a different path. The student's aspirations were stifled by the collective decision of the family, which dismissed the pursuit of other interests. The engineering college environment is depicted as suffocating, with a relentless schedule and excessive testing that quashed individuality and creativity. After years of resistance, the student acquiesced to the demands of the system to secure a future in the tech industry, though not without a lingering desire for personal fulfillment and a sense of loss for the dreams that were sacrificed.

Opinions

  • The author strongly believes that the Indian educational system, particularly in engineering, is rigid and stifles individual aspirations.
  • There is a palpable sense of regret and frustration over being forced into a career path that did not align with personal interests or strengths.
  • The article suggests that the pressure to choose a profession at a young age is unreasonable and that it is acceptable to take time to discover one's true calling.
  • The narrative conveys a sense of solidarity with other engineering students who have similarly been funneled into the field due to a lack of alternatives or fear of the unknown.
  • Despite the negative experiences, the author acknowledges personal growth and resilience gained from enduring a challenging educational environment.
  • The author harbors a persistent hope for the future, suggesting that past experiences, though painful, have been formative and valuable.

The Tired, Trapped Indian Engineer

A closer look at the story of one among millions

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

At 15, I had just finished my tenth-grade examinations and was pretty excited to get to the next phase of my schooling. The phase in which I could learn more and decide what I wanted to be.

I clearly told my parents that I wasn’t interested in computer science, to which they responded “No! It’s nothing like what you’ve learned so far, trust us. It’s much more exciting, practical, and fun.” I said I agreed with them, but it just wasn’t for me.

They finally decided that I should take the main science stream which has Biology, Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics. And yes, it’s just as intimidating as it sounds. But I was alright with it. I viewed this as the general stream for the ones who haven’t made up their minds yet.

I was actually happy about this because to me, it seemed like I had time to figure out what I want to be. I wasn’t being limited to a few options; the world was my oyster. I look back now and think “Oh, my sweet summer child.”

In the course of those two years, I realized that I didn’t want to be a doctor. My parents were disappointed and said “Oh…Alright. Well, it’s settled then. You’ll be an engineer.” I was outright bewildered. “Settled by whom? I don’t want to be an engineer either. What about all the other options?”.

It was at this stage that they told me that none of those other options were mine to take. And, oh how I rebelled. I fought with all my might for more than a year (I still am, but we’ll get to that later).

I took career counseling and tests to show my parents that I was not cut out for this at all. After months of futile arguing, the matter was officially settled and sealed by my entire family. It dawned on me eventually that the “Follow your dreams” stories had been a pleasant farce, and in reality, I wasn’t meant to.

I wish I could tell 12-year-old me that this is the reason her teacher frowned when she said her favorite subject was Geography. But then, I wouldn’t want to burst her cute little bubble. Enjoy it while it lasts, right?

Moving on to the place that broke me down continually and shook me to my very core, my highly reputed engineering college. Let me be real, I was prepared for adversity, but nothing could have braced me for the torment unleashed here.

I cannot think of a better place to strip people of their individuality, creativity, and time. Well, I can think of jail. But, if a college is a low-key prison, then it should understandably raise some concerns.

The dismal events that unfolded here would take up a 5000-word essay, so I’ll keep it brief. I woke up at 5:30 AM (excluding the days I didn’t sleep at all) and reached college at 7:30. I came home at 5 PM, sometimes 7 depending on my classes.

We had an average of 50 examinations per semester. Daily tests, Cycle tests, Unit tests, Model tests, retests, re-retests (?!). All sorts of exams with fun names changing every few months. Not even the brightest of us remember more than 10 percent of the actual knowledge they gained from these tests.

I followed a mundane, exhausting routine for 4 years with weekends rarely off and “vacations” of 5 to 6 days. With every passing day, I lost another shred of my soul to this gloomy, disheartening environment. The overall quality of my life sank to an all-time low during this time.

I was highly aware that I was spending over 75 hours a week doing something purposeless and I wanted out so badly. I repeatedly appealed to my parents to let me pursue something else but to no avail.

At the beginning of it all, I was spirited and fired up. I wanted to get out of this mess at any cost. But after years of relentlessly protesting the unfairness of it and being berated over this, I changed.

I realized that I could not leave no matter what I did. I realized that this “excuse” of mine would never hold up in an interview. If I were to have any chance at a decent tech job, I would have to give in to the system and build my skills in this field. And so, I did.

I’m 21 now and on the brink of beginning my career with a prominent MNC. The frustrated grownup in me has resigned to this reality and has accepted it. But, the tiny rebel hasn’t been drowned out just yet.

I’m still yearning to break free and do something that lights me up with joy. And now that I’ve almost graduated, I can work on what I want. But here’s the thing. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

A couple of years ago, I read this:

When a bird has been confined for too long, it will hesitate to leave its cage and fly, even if you try to set it free.

I wish I didn’t relate, but I do. At this point, I am weary and drained. I can’t find it in me to ditch my four years of education and embark on a new adventure with vigor and passion.

I admire those who have the courage to let go and start a new chapter with faith and zeal. But right now, I can’t help but want a sense of security and stability.

I have a lot of engineer friends who can relate to my story so much. I used to look around and wonder why many others were not seething at the loss of their hopes and dreams. I thought I was the only one feeling so out of place and utterly lost.

But the truth is that they just accepted things sooner. In India, a lot of young people choose engineering simply because they don’t know what else to do. They want a safe, steady income and can’t afford to risk it all for an “unpredictable” living.

Here are my takeaways from my life so far. While these four years may have taken a tremendous toll on me, my life is just beginning. I do not have to have my whole life figured out right away.

I have always found it absurd that we were expected to fix our professional goals as mere teens. There are some who do have their ambitions sorted at a very young age, but I am simply not one of them.

It will take me time to find the intersection of what I’m good at, what I enjoy, and what I can make money from. And that’s okay. I don’t have to “end” my IT journey to begin my new one. I think that my journeys can very well overlap.

And lastly, I accept and cherish everything I have learned thus far. For so long, I felt like this period of time has been one big cruel joke. But throughout all the chaos and hurdles, I have learned and grown more than ever.

Despite being a dreadful breeding ground of fears and mental struggles, my college has imparted a lot to me. I met so many wonderful people there and created some beautiful memories which I will cherish with all my heart forever.

And once you’ve endured a series of stressful and excruciating conditions, you see that many other predicaments pale in comparison. I’m grateful that my experiences have made me more resilient and adaptable.

I am still deeply tired, but I have hope for my future.

Life Lessons
Career Paths
Education
Engineering
Work
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