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r knew she liked me. Every time she would flirt with me, I just thought we were becoming better friends and becoming closer. As FRIENDS.Oh, little me. If only you knew what you got yourself into.Because Bella was in the same grade as me, she of course was in the same age group, and it didn’t take long to rekindle that spark we had earlier. None of her friends were doing the play either, so anytime we weren’t rehearsing was spent doing whatever with her. Again, we didn’t have phones, so card games and little footballs were super popular during that time.We found time to play cards every rehearsal, and we soon grew closer than we ever had before. I didn’t notice it but looking back, she scoured for every excuse to just touch my arm, or laugh at something I said. Even if it wasn’t funny.Well, the time we had together was winding around town. There were only a few practices left before the last show, and she knew it. Like her, I also knew that, but unlike her, I wasn’t planning anything.I should also mention that she had an older sister. Now, looking back on it, it was all for nothing, but I was afraid of her. She just had one of those “I’ll hang you up by your underwear” auras around her, and sometimes I just wondered how Bella was even related to her. Remember her, though.It should also be noted that the “dressing room” for each individual age group wasn’t really a dressing room. It was one massive room split by only 3 curtains, so even though you weren’t allowed to be with the other group, nobody really listened to that and would hang out by the curtains. We were in the dressing room for most of the show because the kids didn’t have many numbers, and we couldn’t all be waiting in the wings while the show was going on.The day of the last show is when it all went down.The last show was early in the morning during the week and we would be performing for other schools, which was a longstanding tradition for this play. I got there, not thinking much would happen, and just put my coat down on the chair and settled in. The kids we played with were supposed to be poor, and it was common for kids to have fake soot on their faces.So when she came in for that final play, I don’t know what little me was thinking. Maybe he thought that the fake soot on her face was hot. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. No one in our school did much dating, but everyone knew what it was.I remember thinking, “Huh. What if she was my girlfriend? How different would things be?”Little me would soon get his wish.Right before they were about to call us to go on stage, she was whispering and giggling with her older sister and some other girls by the curtain. She locked eyes with me and motioned to me with her finger to come over. That slow walk of doom would be one that I would come to regret. There was a secret that everybody was in on, except me.I walked over to her and smiled. “What’s up?”“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”My whole world shattered.I immediately started to sweat in my costume. I looked at the expecting fa

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ce of her older sister, at everybody else who had gone silent around us, and then back to Bella.Her hopeful face sheathed nothing, as she had risked it all and there was no coming back if I said no. I couldn’t say no. Did I want to say no? I couldn’t say no.I gave a weak smile. “Sure.”Everyone around us started clapping. She slipped her hand into mine and just smiled. I whispered to her. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”She looked confused but understood that when you gotta go; you gotta go. She told me she would wait for me when I got back. Yowza.I remember stumbling into the bathroom door and heaving it open. My heart was beating fast. I was sweating like a monsoon, and I felt sick to my stomach. Thankfully, no one else was in the bathroom when I slammed open the stall door and almost puked. I sat there, breathing heavily in a hunched position.I just liked her as a friend. I was nowhere near ready to be in a relationship, but I couldn’t have said no to her. I’m a jerk, but I’m not that much of a jerk. There were 100 or so people in that room, and they all had heard. The stress and pressure caused from that crowd will stick with me forever. There was nothing else to do.I went over to the sink and washed my hands, and put my big boy pants on. I may not have felt feelings for her, but I didn’t want to see her get publicly humiliated. I came out, and it felt like there were a thousand eyes staring through me. The news spread like wildfire, and there would be random guys I didn’t know who came up and congratulated me afterwards.We enjoyed a couple of other little sweet moments during the last show, and promised to see each other again next year.For 365 days, I was a free man, but those 365 days burned out quickly. In what seemed like no time, it was time for the play again. I didn’t know how to tell her I didn’t share her feelings, so I did the worst thing possible.I avoided her.At every twist, turn, or space available I tried to avoid her. At the beginning, she tried to rekindle what she thought just needed some time to spark up again, but gradually, she gave up. I’ll never forgive myself for the way I let her down, but I’ll never regret saying yes. Even if it was due to peer pressure, which I didn’t even know what that was at the time, I felt like it was my duty to protect her from that embarrassment.Now, I actively seek to avoid even getting in that situation, but in every relationship or attempt at one since, it’s been burned into the back of my brain. Peer pressure clouded my judgment, and put me in a rough spot. That experience really changed my outlook on relationships forever, but it wasn’t just me who got hurt. I lost touch with her, but I’m sure it wasn’t great for her either.The way I let her go was the worst way possible, and it probably stung. The emotional baggage we’ll carry from that heartbreak is something we’ll shoulder together, and it’s a rare case where both hearts were broken. Whenever I look back on this traumatic experience, one question pops up every time.What if?</article></body>

The Time Peer Pressure Took Over My Life

Title: Peer Pressure Stock Photo, Source: iStock, Edited with Adobe Photoshop

Growing up, there are a lot of distractions you want to avoid.

Parents do their best to prepare you for those moments and try to educate you on them as much as possible, but it’s really up to you in terms of how you handle those distractions. Some distractions are easier to trap yourself in than others. Sometimes, you get caught up in a vicious cycle, and well, it takes quite a while to get out.

This unfortunate situation happened to me, and well, I never really got out. Even today, it still takes its toll on me and it’s a feeling that likely won’t ever go away.

Towards the end of elementary school, I did a local play that had a cast of over 200 people every year. Safe to say, that’s a lot of moving bodies and a big headache for the director. He was a super friendly man, but ran a tight ship, and was a kind of forced to if we were going to be ready for Opening Night every year. The play had been running for 25+ years at that point, so the leads and vets who carried the show reprised their roles pretty well every year. The big issue every year was the kids.

We weren’t brats by any means, but the sheer number of kids in the show made it a lot more strenuous. There were kids 16,17, and 18 who didn’t want to listen. Then there were 4 or 5-year-old kids who didn’t really know what they were doing. Anyway, because there were so many kids, they often split us up into age groups so that we could learn numbers easier, which made sense.

Again, I was only 10 or 11 so I was in Group 3 with the rest of the kids my age. I distinctly remember the pain of being the only one who did the show from my school, and I would often find myself alone or keeping myself entertained that didn’t involve other people. It had been like that for years, and by now I was used to it. But that year was different.

That year, I met a girl.

Bare with me for a second, because this doesn’t end like all fairy tales are supposed to.

I already knew her but didn’t know she was doing the show, as she had moved away from my school the year prior and we had lost touch since we weren’t old enough to have phones yet. She wasn’t close to me, but I was comfortable around her and we could hang out without it being awkward. Let’s call her Bella. That works.

Bella was one of those girls who had an infectious smile. She made everyone around her happy, and her personality wasn’t so peppy to where it was nauseating, so it was perfectly right in the middle. She was one of the more popular girls when she went to our school and didn’t have a big ego or any kind of quality that would make people dislike her. She was just a very likable person, and the cherry on top was that she was beautiful.

I got the grades in elementary school, but when it came to girls, I was a fool. Honestly, that has changed little. All that time that I spent with her, I never knew she liked me. Every time she would flirt with me, I just thought we were becoming better friends and becoming closer. As FRIENDS.

Oh, little me. If only you knew what you got yourself into.

Because Bella was in the same grade as me, she of course was in the same age group, and it didn’t take long to rekindle that spark we had earlier. None of her friends were doing the play either, so anytime we weren’t rehearsing was spent doing whatever with her. Again, we didn’t have phones, so card games and little footballs were super popular during that time.

We found time to play cards every rehearsal, and we soon grew closer than we ever had before. I didn’t notice it but looking back, she scoured for every excuse to just touch my arm, or laugh at something I said. Even if it wasn’t funny.

Well, the time we had together was winding around town. There were only a few practices left before the last show, and she knew it. Like her, I also knew that, but unlike her, I wasn’t planning anything.

I should also mention that she had an older sister. Now, looking back on it, it was all for nothing, but I was afraid of her. She just had one of those “I’ll hang you up by your underwear” auras around her, and sometimes I just wondered how Bella was even related to her. Remember her, though.

It should also be noted that the “dressing room” for each individual age group wasn’t really a dressing room. It was one massive room split by only 3 curtains, so even though you weren’t allowed to be with the other group, nobody really listened to that and would hang out by the curtains. We were in the dressing room for most of the show because the kids didn’t have many numbers, and we couldn’t all be waiting in the wings while the show was going on.

The day of the last show is when it all went down.

The last show was early in the morning during the week and we would be performing for other schools, which was a longstanding tradition for this play. I got there, not thinking much would happen, and just put my coat down on the chair and settled in. The kids we played with were supposed to be poor, and it was common for kids to have fake soot on their faces.

So when she came in for that final play, I don’t know what little me was thinking. Maybe he thought that the fake soot on her face was hot. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. No one in our school did much dating, but everyone knew what it was.

I remember thinking, “Huh. What if she was my girlfriend? How different would things be?”

Little me would soon get his wish.

Right before they were about to call us to go on stage, she was whispering and giggling with her older sister and some other girls by the curtain. She locked eyes with me and motioned to me with her finger to come over. That slow walk of doom would be one that I would come to regret. There was a secret that everybody was in on, except me.

I walked over to her and smiled. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

My whole world shattered.

I immediately started to sweat in my costume. I looked at the expecting face of her older sister, at everybody else who had gone silent around us, and then back to Bella.

Her hopeful face sheathed nothing, as she had risked it all and there was no coming back if I said no. I couldn’t say no. Did I want to say no? I couldn’t say no.

I gave a weak smile. “Sure.”

Everyone around us started clapping. She slipped her hand into mine and just smiled. I whispered to her. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

She looked confused but understood that when you gotta go; you gotta go. She told me she would wait for me when I got back. Yowza.

I remember stumbling into the bathroom door and heaving it open. My heart was beating fast. I was sweating like a monsoon, and I felt sick to my stomach. Thankfully, no one else was in the bathroom when I slammed open the stall door and almost puked. I sat there, breathing heavily in a hunched position.

I just liked her as a friend. I was nowhere near ready to be in a relationship, but I couldn’t have said no to her. I’m a jerk, but I’m not that much of a jerk. There were 100 or so people in that room, and they all had heard. The stress and pressure caused from that crowd will stick with me forever. There was nothing else to do.

I went over to the sink and washed my hands, and put my big boy pants on. I may not have felt feelings for her, but I didn’t want to see her get publicly humiliated. I came out, and it felt like there were a thousand eyes staring through me. The news spread like wildfire, and there would be random guys I didn’t know who came up and congratulated me afterwards.

We enjoyed a couple of other little sweet moments during the last show, and promised to see each other again next year.

For 365 days, I was a free man, but those 365 days burned out quickly. In what seemed like no time, it was time for the play again. I didn’t know how to tell her I didn’t share her feelings, so I did the worst thing possible.

I avoided her.

At every twist, turn, or space available I tried to avoid her. At the beginning, she tried to rekindle what she thought just needed some time to spark up again, but gradually, she gave up. I’ll never forgive myself for the way I let her down, but I’ll never regret saying yes. Even if it was due to peer pressure, which I didn’t even know what that was at the time, I felt like it was my duty to protect her from that embarrassment.

Now, I actively seek to avoid even getting in that situation, but in every relationship or attempt at one since, it’s been burned into the back of my brain. Peer pressure clouded my judgment, and put me in a rough spot. That experience really changed my outlook on relationships forever, but it wasn’t just me who got hurt. I lost touch with her, but I’m sure it wasn’t great for her either.

The way I let her go was the worst way possible, and it probably stung. The emotional baggage we’ll carry from that heartbreak is something we’ll shoulder together, and it’s a rare case where both hearts were broken. Whenever I look back on this traumatic experience, one question pops up every time.

What if?