The Time I Ran For Office

On politics, humiliation and having fun

This is something none of my readers know about me. It is not something I am proud of. It happened so long ago that I very rarely even think about it — except for those times leading up to an election.

Once and only once in my life have I ever run for a political office. I have promised myself that I would never do it again.

The election occurred at the end of my Junior year in high school many decades ago. The winner of the election would be the Senior class president the following year. Right up to the last day of eligibility to sign up to run I was the one and only candidate. It looked like I was going to run for class president unopposed. I started getting nervous. Did I really want to be class president?

And then on that last day to sign up, a new student arrived at our high school. His family had just moved out west from New York State. After finishing enrolling in our high school he asked the principal’s secretary what was going on; that he liked to ‘jump right in.’ Seeing that he was a junior, the secretary told him that the junior class was about to have an election to pick their senior class president for the following year. So before this new kid even attended his first class at our school he signed up to run for Senior class president. I was no longer unopposed.

The kid’s name was Rodney. He was a slender black kid with a stunningly large afro. He looked just like a young Michael Jackson. He even had a high-pitched voice.

When I first saw his name on the ballot I wondered, Who the hell is this guy? I had been going to school with all the kids in my class for years. I knew just about everyone but had never heard of Rodney before.

About a week and a half later there was a school assembly in the gymnasium for the junior class. All the candidates running for office sat on the podium waiting to give their speeches. That is when I saw Rodney for the first time.

I had been working on my speech for weeks. With the recent assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robert Kennedy and with that goddam Vietnam War raging on the other side of the world I was very political at the time. I was very anti-war, anti-establishment, and very pro people’s rights. I railed against ‘The Man’ and championed the oppressed.

My speech mirrored these radical views except I focused on school issues. For 25 minutes I spoke about all those school issues. Now, so many years later, I do not even remember what all those issues were but in my speech I was very emphatic about my rebellious leanings.

I do remember that one of those issues was the rights of students to have outdoor designated smoking areas. I didn’t even smoke! But I felt compelled to stand up for the rights of students to have a smoke between classes without being pestered by teachers or administrative personnel. (It was a much different time back then.)

For 25 minutes I spoke. I pointed, I pumped my fist, I waved my arms, I looked everyone in the eyes. My articulation was even better than when I rehearsed the speech. I was emphatic and impassioned. I was like some kind of teenage Bernie Sanders.

When I stepped back from the microphone after my speech the applause was downright anemic. Some kid in the audience was coughing and you could hear the coughing OVER the applause!

I sat down and Rodney stood up and stepped up to the microphone. Even to this day I remember his entire speech word for word:

“Hey everyone! My name is Rodney. Almost none of you know me because I just transferred to this school. I hope to be friends with all of you. I admit that I don’t have a clue about the issues here but I’ll figure that out. If you guys will give me a chance, the one thing I promise is that I will work my hardest to make our senior year the funnest year EVER!”

And that was it. That was his whole speech!

And his speech was met by thunderous applause and a standing ovation!

I immediately knew that I was toast.

But I had no idea how badly I would lose the election. My junior class had 738 students (I went to a very large high school with a total student population of well over 3,000 students). From those 738 students I only garnered 9 votes! 9 votes! And I knew almost everyone in the class! And I had plenty of friends! But all my friends and classmates voted for someone they had never met before over me!

I confronted several of my friends, asking them who they voted for and why. Every single one of them admitted voting for Rodney. When asked why, the typical answer went like this; “While I agree with much of your political views, I really don’t care that much about it. I just want to have fun next year. Besides, Rodney is black and I wanted to give him a chance.”

I never even found the 8 people (beside myself) who voted for me. Every single student I knew voted for Rodney. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the girl I was dating at the time even admitted voting for Rodney. Seriously? And if that wasn’t bad enough she broke up with me the following week because she didn’t want to be seen with a loser.

Yes, that is when I learned a lot about politics and about utter humiliation. I learned that most people just want to “have fun next year.” I learned that popularity was the most important social dynamic in high school and later I would learn that continues long after high school graduation.

And I learned that friendship can be a fickle flag that changes direction with each new gust of wind.

I was soon greatly relieved that I lost the election. I was done with politics. While I have always voted since then, I have always remained just someone in the audience (occasionally the one who is coughing).

It turned out that I spent my senior year having a ridiculous amount of fun — perhaps a little too much. I became even happier that I had lost the election. If I had won the election I probably would have been impeached for having too much fun. Isn’t it interesting how things turn out?

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