The Tid-Bits Of Life, Be Careful Before You Hit Delete
There is always something to learn
Life is a university, and you never graduate. Accept that whatever happens to you, no matter how terrible, is there to teach you. Your job is to learn and do what you have to. ~ Stikumar Rao
According to Oxford Languages, a tidbit is a small and particularly interesting item of gossip or information.
Our lives consist of a series of tidbits strung out and wrapped around us like a string of Christmas tree lights. Some lights are bright and shiny, others are dim and flickering, while others burn out entirely.
Tid-bits are what we think about when we go to bed each night and wait for sleep to find us. Sometimes we smile and sigh with happiness easing into sleep like a warm caress. On occasion, we cringe in embarrassment or even shame. We may lie there frozen, almost in pain, and sometimes there will be tears. Those are the times when sleep escapes us, slithering away in the darkness taunting us; “you won’t sleep tonight.”
All the experiences we have and how we react are what build us. They are the foundation of who we are.
When something negative happens, many will say to move on; it happened, get over it. You will be okay; it is nothing to be embarrassed about; it happens to everyone.
Sometimes, people will mean well, listen to you talk about your feelings and try to give you helpful advice, ways to cope, and learn from the negative events in your life.
Most of the time, I believe they do not know what to say, or they do not care. That is when you will hear statements like, “it happens to everyone.”
Yes, it does happen to everyone, and it is crucial that we learn from those experiences. If we are uncomfortable or embarrassed, we need to poke a stick at it. Lay it out in front of us like a biology experiment and dissect it.
That is when we learn. If we push it away in a corner, it stays there, and sometimes it will poke a stick in us as a reminder, providing us with another hour of lost sleep.
We are wired to dwell on the negative happenings in our life. The things we say, the poisonous relationship, an email sent out by mistake, and a reaction we wish we could take back. All those things that we regret will hang out in our minds even when we think we are over it.
So how do we learn from our missteps? How do we dissect them?
Do we have a trusted person we can talk to; someone non-judgemental? A mentor, trusted friend, a therapist?
If so, talk it out with them. Look for ways to distance yourself from the emotions and dissolve anger.
Depending on the situation and who participated in the negative event, ask if they would like to talk about it with you.
Own up to anything you did that was an emotional response when you were judgemental or acted before you knew all the facts.
Apologize when appropriate, and accept an apology when you receive one.
It is a win-win when you are able to include the other person, especially a child, spouse, parent, or co-worker. Not only do you clear the air, but you also make a better relationship with that person going forward.
Research has shown that we all pay more attention to the negative than the positive. Because of this tendency, there is an impact on our choices and the risks we may be willing to take.
It is up to each of us to change that.
When we find ourselves focusing on the negative thoughts that keep us awake at night or pop into our heads at any given moment, we need to reassess the circumstances.
Why waste precious time spinning the same negative thoughts over and over again. What good does that do?
We spend so much time and effort looking at the bad that we may have overlooked something positive. Instead, refocus and analyze what took place. Look for what may be beneficial and give it equal time.
Time has passed, and you may be surprised that you can now look at it from a different perspective.
We all have an inner voice that helps us make sense of the world. We talk to our inner voice all the time; there is a constant conversation even though we do not always recognize it.
Unfortunately, we usually speak to ourselves in negative terms. Remember, our brain responds more to negativity than positivity — we ruminate. Rumination is a pattern of negative thinking that can consume us.
We need to retrain our brain by changing our negative self-talk.
Become self-aware. When we realize that we are having a negative moment, a conversation with ourselves, we need to stop. Make a habit of saying stop — the stronger your response, the more powerful it will be. Shout it in your head. STOP! If you say it out loud, all the better.
I have seen people wearing a rubber band around their wrists and snapping it. I never asked them why they were doing this, but I read an article that mentioned this as a therapeutic trick to help stop the negative self-talk. When you have a negative thought snap the rubber band, the purpose is to make you self-aware and to help stop your negative thought process.
Has anyone ever tried this? Did it work?
Have you ever noticed that many of your words, especially those when you self-talk, are negative? I wrote an article about using the word hate and how it is overused and lost its true meaning. We use that word all the time about the tiniest things.
Pay attention to the words you use. When you realize a negative pattern of speaking or thinking, change your words. Find a replacement word — use dislike instead of hate, or irritated for angry.
Give yourself time to think about your reactions whenever possible. It is easy to be angry; it should not be an automatic response. For instance, when you have something planned and those plans fall apart, it may be a blessing instead of an irritant. Think about a positive way you can use that free time you did not expect to have.
Many of us have a tendency to overreact; I know I am guilty of this. An automatic response might be, “I can’t handle this.” How many times have you said this? I know I have said it too many times in the last year. What happens when you make these kinds of statements? We cause ourselves more stress and anxiety.
Instead, stop, give yourself a moment and think constructively. Ask yourself, “How can I handle this?”
Being aware of all the little tidbits that fill your life and your thoughts, how we react and how we handle our reactions matters.
Each day is a new opportunity to dissect our negativity. Sort through the trash and clean house. When we react with negativity, it has a powerful impact. Changing to a positive outlook can be powerful too.
Be mindful of your thoughts and reactions. Move away from negativity and develop a positive outlook in all aspects of your life. The focus of our awareness should be happiness.
