avatarNaba K.

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Three Phases of Forgiveness

The only two F’s to give in life

Photo by Thach Tran from Pexels

“The most merciful person is the one who forgives when he is able to take revenge.” — Imam Hussain

Going back to the time, where a scratch on the knee was washed away by “Oh, I am sorry for pushing you” and a friendly hand to pick you up, people were good back then — and so were our hearts.

When I look back at my childhood, there are very few things that I remember being bad — and none of them are grudges. Maybe, it is because people didn’t really hurt you, or perhaps, they apologized honestly and entirely for their mistakes — it doesn’t happen anymore.

The world that we live in today, is full of people who are ready to hunt you down on your next move. You can never really know someone’s intention for you — once you start trusting them, they show you exactly why you shouldn’t. I have lost count of times I got hurt, and never received anything to compensate, not even a look of “sorry” from the corner of their eyes.

There is only one thing I have learned, it’s the fact that you can never expect people to come and heal you by apologizing. They will never do that — you have to forgive them to settle your conscience. You have to do it to look at them in the eyes, without feeling bad for yourself.

Phase #1. Plotting the Revenge

He broke your heart by cheating on you with a girl who was nothing as compared to you and now, you are finding ways to go out with his best friend — just to make him feel the hurt. Or maybe you are seeking and planning revenge for something much painful. This is a phase that everybody goes through.

I hate to be the one breaking, but you are not a decent human being, if you think that causing pain to someone, (even if they did you wrong) can bring happiness in your life — it makes you the worst. Revenge is something that will make you regret it in the long run. You may feel as if your heart is sinking right now, but eventually, you will be able to look past it.

Living peacefully and moving on is the best revenge; showing the other person that his wrongdoings never pulled you down, will only make him furious. How can you let someone, who hurt you, steer you towards pain and torture? Show them the badass you are. Laugh a little harder, make them wonder what it is. Remember, plotting revenge will keep your wounds bleeding, which would have, otherwise, healed.

“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” — Gandhi

Phase #2. Just F them — (forgive)

If I were to name the greatest act in the world, I would yell out forgiveness — sometimes, it is also the hardest. There is a great amount of value and peace that comes along with forgiveness.

Who are you forgiving? Is it you, someone who hurt you, or maybe it is the version of you that no longer exists — let it go, set it free.

Forgiveness can be used as a purifier to remove mental impurities from our life. It is easier said than done. I know, we have all been there. Blaming someone, as you hold your broken pieces and harbor hatred in your heart, feels much easier and logical. The person who hurt you doesn’t care whether you forgive them or not (yet), but it matters to you.

The problem is that if you keep a list of grudges deep in your heart, you will relive the same moments, and pain over and over again. As a result, you won’t be able to move forward and grow in your life. Something about “How bad he/she hurt me”, will keep weighing you down.

It is, indeed, very difficult to forgive, but it is better than punishing and keeping yourself away from the good that awaits you. The clouds will get heavy and the ground may feel shaky — but you will make it out alive.

Phase #3. Forget about it:

Be selfish, this phase takes you higher.

We have always thought about others our entire lives, but has anyone thought of us? Forgetting the wrongdoing and wrongdoers is the best way to move on with life.

The adage, the bigger your misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment — believe in this. Experience is a brutal teacher — never forget the lesson it taught you, but don’t let it hold your life. People make mistakes. Sometimes, we are meant to be broken, only to appreciate someone better in life.

Remember, hurt and pain are a part of growth and are called life lessons. Take it as a favor — everything wrong that happened to you, taught you something, showed you the real faces, which you would have otherwise never seen. Take the negative event out of your mind and flush them away — only you can do it.

You may not forgive someone today, it might not come tomorrow, maybe not even next year — but there will be a day, where you will let go. You will free yourself from the cage of someone else and will be strong enough to forgive — not for them, but for yourself.

Forgiving requires a lot of practice and patience. Start by forgiving and accepting yourself and then look at those people.

Let it go, the best revenge is time and regret, that hits you later. Make your future a safer place and don’t let anyone with guns and knives walk into your life again. Let your revenge be a smile that doesn’t shake and eyes that don’t look away.

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