WE PLAY BAD GOLF TO FEEL GOOD

The Three Best Comedy Movies About Golf

You might not know about the existence of number two

Ah, golf. The sport of jerks.

I hate golf.

To play golf it costs at least 100 bucks and that’s on the low end. Giving you the privilege to drive a golf cart around with twenty lbs. of clubs derived from rare earth elements over a couple of dozen acres of wasted land. Golf wear looks like casual Friday at the office except your shoes are uncomfortable and hideous.

My tee time was at 6:15 am on a Saturday so I arrived at 6 am. I still had to wait 40 minutes because the starter’s girlfriend’s uncle showed up and wanted to get a quick round in. A Quick round of golf is the definition of an oxymoron. An hour after arriving at the golf course, I finally hit the ball into the hole.

Great, now what?

“We do that 17 more times!”

Shit, really?

At the 18th hole someone is always like. “Let’s do the back 18!”

I think if I hated my wife enough to play another 18 holes to get away from her I’d just get a divorce.

It’s cheaper and you don’t have to change shoes.

3. Happy Gilmore

It took a lot of balls to make a golf comedy after Caddyshack (which is of course number one). But Adam Sandler put in a solid effort to give him the number three spot on my list.

This movie is grade A absurdist humor, mostly due to Happy’s mentor Chubbs Peterson (Carl Weathers… Wow, that was Apollo Creed?!?) who gets his hand bitten off by an alligator which Happy Gilmore eventually kills. Getting vengeance for his sensei.

Happy Gilmore gave the world the “Happy Gilmore shot.” A shot which you run at the golf ball before striking it.

The Happy Gilmore shot is responsible for about half of golf injuries and 97% of all clubs lost at Top Golf facilities. Because hitting that tiny ball while standing still is difficult enough.

Best line: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

2. Leslie Nielsen’s — Bad Golf Made Easier

When I sat down to write this Happy Gilmore and Caddyshack were a gimme. I did a little googling to remind myself what number three might be and stumbled upon this.

Though technically an instructional video, it’s an hour long. And there’s only ever been two funny movies about golf. The video is available in its entirety on YouTube. I watched the whole thing.

Not only is hilarious, it’s also surprisingly educational. For instance, whenever you whiff hitting the ball, that’s called a practice swing.

I learned more from this video than all other golf videos my dad forced me to watch combined. I usually score in the low 80s and I’ve only played about a dozen times. I had the potential to play professionally, but as previously stated, I hate golf. Sorry pops.

Best line: The difference between a one dollar ball and a three dollar ball is two dollars.

1. Caddyshack

This isn’t just the funniest movie about golf, it’s the funniest movie of all time. Chevy Chase, Bill Murry, Rodney Dangerfield are all upstaged by a gopher puppet.

It’s one of the most quotable movies of all time. That being said, when watching this movie please don’t try to quote it. You’re not in it so shut up and let the people around you enjoy it.

Fun fact: This movie was originally scripted to be a coming of age drama. It was so damn funny though they went full comedy. If you haven’t seen Caddyshack, what’s wrong with you. Go watch Caddyshack.

Best Scene: The doody in the pool scene. You will never look at a Snickers bar the same way.