INTROVERTS UNITE! BUT NOT TOGETHER

The Third Batch of Company Pushed Me Over the Edge

I should have had my head examined.

As an introvert, I enjoy solitude and quiet time alone.

Those of us who identify with the introversion personality trait tend to focus more on internal thoughts, feelings, and moods rather than seeking external stimulation.

I’m okay with having company, though I rarely initiate it. One week, I was deluged with visitors. This wasn’t sprung on me. I knew about each in advance and had time to plan accordingly. I could have scheduled them better or even opted out, but I took a big girl breath each time and warmly said, “Sure, come on over.”

So, within seven days, I had three different types of company. Though I will never do that on purpose again, I’m happy to report I survived all the commotion and it took only about ten days to recover.

It’s a shame that sixty years ago, we didn’t understand the general personality traits. Who decided back then what behavior was right or wrong? Acceptable or not?

“Cathy, you are so antisocial. I wish you’d snap out of it,” scolded my mother whenever I tried to beg off attending a gathering.

Conversely, I remember my school teachers writing notes on my report cards like this:

“Cathy talks too much.”

Once, during a parent/teacher conference I attended with my parents, my mother asked the teacher, “Are you sure you’ve got the right student? Cathy sticks her nose in a book at home, and we never hear from her.”

I had one best friend and a million things to say to her every day. I participated in all the school activities. Everyone seemed to like me; at least, I don’t remember any enemies. I was a little reserved as a kid but not shy.

When I got home from school, all I wanted to do was go to my room, close the door, lay on my bed, and read a book. My mom got that part right. She just didn’t understand it was the only way I could recuperate from the rigors of being “on” all day long.

I spent too many of my adult years wondering what was wrong with me. I felt awkward and even defective. I know I let people down and I bet the word “disappointed” was left on many lips.

Why couldn’t I push myself to attend a company Christmas party or go out with my colleagues for an after-work cocktail? Exhaustion would consume me for the next day or two if I did force myself to socialize. It wasn’t worth the pre-event anxiety or the aftermath of recovery, so I tried every which way to excuse myself from attending.

Well, hallelujah! Times have changed, and I understand myself and my introverted nature much better. No longer do I condemn myself for not attending gatherings or parties. Fortunately, my extroverted husband understands and doesn’t push or try to change me. He socializes when he feels like it, and I rarely go out. Works for us!

Over time, my life has gotten quite comfortable, except for that one week I agreed to three days of visitors!

The first visit

There was a young couple new to our island. We first met them about six weeks ago. She is a hairstylist and agreed to come out to our beach house to trim my hair. Her husband’s mother and daughter were visiting, so they came along. They all snorkeled and did some sunbathing while I got a great haircut. I served brownies and watermelon juice. We had fun, and I enjoyed the visit.

The second visit

I don’t make friends easily. The days of “best friends” are long gone, and I don’t miss them. I get too tired trying to hold up my end of a friendship, so I don’t.

But recently, I’d been chatting with another writer. We get each other without a lot of words. She left her Canadian home to live in Central America, much the same as I left my home in the USA to live in Roatan, Honduras. We have stuff in common.

I was delighted to hear she and a friend were coming to Roatan to meet a cruise ship porting here. She asked, “Should we meet up?” And I said, “I guess we’d better!”

And so we did. We shared a breakfast of eggs, bacon, fried potatoes, and homemade bread. She was craving lobster, which is easy for us to get, so we had sides of lobster basted in garlic and butter.

She gave me a beautiful tapestry made by local women in her village, and I hung it in a place of honor in our home.

I enjoyed our short time together and would love to do it again someday.

And finally…

I am working hard to be nice as I tell you about our third visit that week. I’ve been told smiling while you talk about something disturbing comes across as much more pleasant than you feel.

Smilingly written:

Friends, not friends. This husband and wife were online acquaintances. They are building a home here on Roatan, intending to become full-time residents in a few years. The husband and Mike hang out a little whenever he is on the island.

This husband and wife were on the island for one week together and invited themselves over.

I did something I’d never done before. I tried a straightforward, honest approach and explained to her that I am introverted and it takes a lot out of me to socialize.

She said, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll happily sit on your deck and play with the pups.”

My direct approach needs some work.

I served them coffee and sweet tea. The wife and I walked on the beach. We played with the dogs. She told me her whole life story. They stayed almost five hours. She said they hadn’t eaten anything and were getting hungry. I stood up and walked toward the door. Never missing a beat in the conversation, they followed me outside and then slid into their car, still talking as they pulled away. Sometimes, I’m a terrible hostess.

I learned a valuable lesson that week. It’s okay to say no to social engagements. And if I decide to have company, it’s important to set solid boundaries. I will let people know how much time I have to socialize and what I’m comfortable with.

And I will never again entertain three times in one week!