Relationships

8 Things You Should Never Sacrifice For A Relationship

Relationships are all about compromises. But where do you draw the line?

We all make sacrifices for our relationships. That's part of loving someone. But where do you draw the line? Through my years as an advisor, I have had the privilege of dealing with many couples. Although the subject was money, I witnessed how couples interacted with each other on various levels.

One older client said he wished he had pursued his career goal to become a pilot because his wife did not want him to go away from his family regularly.

An older lady told me, "I wished I had traveled more." She regretted not having "pushed her husband to travel more." She told me, "In my day, you did not push your husband to do anything."

Her words had a significant impact on me. When I got home that day, I told my husband, "Please do not ever let me stop you from pursuing your interests and what brings you joy." I believe no relationship is ever worth sacrificing your true desires."

Sacrifices for loved ones — where do you draw the line?

We all make sacrifices for our loved ones- As a single mother, I put on hold my aspirations when my children were young — something I don't regret.

But where do you draw the line? Here is a list of things I believe no one should ever sacrifice for their partner.

1. The essence of who you are.

I believe this is the most common form of self-betrayal among couples. Where there believe the only way to be entirely accepted is to become what makes the other person happy.

But it leaves you unhappy. So I think it is naive to think that we should accept people for what they do, primarily if their behavior adversely affects us. But we should not expect people to abandon the essence of who they are so we can feel comfortable.

What's the difference? E.g., for the essence of who you are is extroversion. This should not be squashed. Do you hold back in social situations because your partner is an introvert?

We want our partners to celebrate our differences. Unfortunately, self-betrayal and self-abandonment lead to resentment.

2. Your integrity.

The essence of self-abandonment is an erosion of integrity. Integrity is defined as aligning what you say with what you do and how you feel. It's the essence of true personal freedom.

Have you sacrificed your sense of integrity for someone you loved?

3. Your ambitions/dreams and hopes.

I often hear this from women of an older generation who abandoned their dreams to support the ambitions of their children and spouse. Of course, the excuse often made is that he earned more. But this keeps the wage gender gap perpetuated.

And may leave you at the end of your life feeling unfulfilled.

4. Your other close relationships.

Does your partner not like your friends and family? They don't have to like the people you like, but they should not stop you from nurturing those relationships.

5. Your beliefs.

I have witnessed couples undermine each other's sense of self by tearing down their partner's belief systems.

It's okay to question them but not tear them down.

6. Your values.

I don't drink. Not because I was an alcoholic or had a drinking problem. I don't drink because I wouldn't say I like the taste of most alcoholic drinks. It's almost become taboo in North America to be a teetotaller.

Don't sacrifice what you value for your partner, whatever those values are.

7. Your freedom.

I love traveling. My partner can't always travel with me, but she does not stop me from traveling and vice-versa. I am free to be free.

8. Your happiness.

Any form of sacrifice that compromises the essence of who you are is a sacrifice that eats away at your happiness.

We all make sacrifices for the people we love. And there is nothing inherently unhealthy about this. But relationships should be lovingly negotiated, not forms of oppression or dominance.

We should draw lines even in our most significant relationships where our sense of self and complete expressions of ourselves are celebrated. It is what we should strive for our partners and ourselves.

What things would you never sacrifice for your partner? And what would you do?