SELF | BODY IMAGE
The Thin Girl’s Survival Guide
Cultivating positive body image in a weight obsessed culture
No one wants to listen to the skinny girl
On a recent trip with friends we were eating lasagne, salad, and garlic bread. Someone commented, “This is calorie-free bread, right?” The statement was received light-heartedly and most of the group laughed. I thought about women I know who are fighting to recover from eating disorders and restore their mental health. We do not know the silent struggles and invisible mental illnesses of those around us. Seemingly harmless comments about food can be devastating to recovery progress. I said out loud, “We need calories.” If anyone heard me, they didn’t react. What do I know? I’m just a skinny girl.
I hate the word skinny. I’m using it to express my vehemence with how it is thrown at thinner-than-average people. It’s passed off as a compliment when it is anything but. Whether or not someone is in recovery, skinny shaming and other weight-based judgements are damaging to our mental health. I could write a thesis on the misconceptions about women who are “naturally thin.” Our insecurities can never measure up to those experienced by the “curvy” women. Pun intended. Any negative beliefs we express about our bodies are quickly dismissed with comments about how lucky we are to be thin.
The Thin Girl’s Survival Guide
When eating dessert is a no-win situation.
You’ve been looking forward to girl’s night out for weeks. After dinner the dreaded dessert menu appears and your dilemma begins. If you eat a scoop of ice cream without gaining ten pounds instantaneously your friends will declare, “You are so lucky to be able to eat ANYTHING and stay skinny.” If you don’t eat dessert they’ll assume you’re afraid of gaining weight and will try to convince you it’s okay to “be naughty.” One friend will say she can’t lose weight no matter what, so she may as well enjoy her tiramisu. Another will vow to run five extra miles tomorrow because the decadent chocolate lava cake is worth it.
Thin Girl’s Survival Tip #1: Instead of worrying what they’ll think, focus on yourself. It is up to your girlfriends to do their own body image work. Create a mantra to quiet the gremlin in your mind. The gremlin may doubt your decision to order dessert and tell you lies about your body. Repeat a powerful mantra in your head and do your best to savor every bite. “I love creme brulee and I appreciate my body.” Then lick the crumbs off your plate and use the power of your sugar high to say your mantra out loud. If you dare.
When thrift store shopping becomes a body shaming contest.
How silly of you to think adult women could have a good time trying on vintage dresses and laughing at bedazzled short shorts. One friend admits she likes her voluptuous breasts, but laments her belly fat and flabby thighs. Another doesn’t view her muscle tone as strength, she sees it as thickness and feels less feminine. After itemizing everything they hate about their own bodies, your companions look at you expectantly.
Thin Girl’s Survival Tip #2: They want you to commiserate by bashing yourself. If you do, your friends will counteract every word by saying they would love to be as skinny as you. If you don’t, they’ll assume you’re conceited or weird for actually loving yourself. They will feel more comfortable hearing your insecurities but it’s not up to you to make them feel comfortable. This is an opportunity to rise up and create your own positive body image story. “I am a perfectly imperfect version of myself.” Then suggest going out for dessert instead of shopping. (I’m being facetious).
When leaving yoga class is less than zen.
You’re lying on your mat at the end of a relaxing yin yoga class, feeling entirely relaxed. You’ve breathed, stretched, and meditated for almost an hour. Feeling grateful for this gift of self-care, you meet your friends in the yoga studio lobby. When you suggest going to the smoothie shop across the street, one friend expresses concern over the number of calories she might consume. Another says she only has fifteen minutes before her “real workout class” at the gym begins.
Thin Girl’s Survival Tip #3: Decide yoga will become a solo excursion. The word decision means “to cut away.” Making the decision to remove friends who bring negativity to your self-care activities leaves more room for your personal growth. Instead of choosing which friend to give your energy to, reserve it for yourself. Namaste.
These are examples of situations you may experience until you choose to reevaluate your friend relationships. Check-in with yourself and reflect on the people you spend the most time with. If a person has been frequently damaging your self image, take time to share your point of view. Let them know that having a positive body image is important to you and skinny shaming is not ok. If they are willing to have an honest conversation you may cultivate a closer, more positive friendship. If someone becomes defensive or is unwilling to listen, you may want to spend (much) less time with them. In a culture where body image is distorted, it’s okay to be the “weird one” who loves yourself.
Take-away thoughts:
- Eating isn’t naughty or nice. It’s nourishing.
- Food isn’t good or bad. It’s delicious.
- It is not your responsibility to change your friend’s negative body image thoughts. Love yourself.
- Setting boundaries or ending friendships may be best for your mental health. You are loved.
- Positive affirmations create positive subconscious thoughts. “I appreciate my body and I am a perfectly imperfect version of myself.”
More reading on the topic of body image:
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Rachael Ann Sand writes about life’s lessons and experiences including educational, humorous, and personal pieces. Thought provoking, informative, and often entertaining, her writing style is infused with personality. Rachael earned a B.S. in Elementary Education, MN Teaching Licensure, and Parenting Coach Certification. Her passion for the next generation extends to all living things. As a cyclist dedicated to a sustainable lifestyle Rachael rides through the world on two wheels. ~ “For my health and the health of the planet.”
