The Thief of Joy: Tricks to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

I read a story the other day by a big name writer on Medium. They compared themselves to someone famous. They said it made them feel inadequate.

Later, I read a story by someone else a few rungs down the ladder. They felt inadequate because they were comparing themselves to the first person.

The irony hit me when I read a story from a new writer comparing themselves to the second person. They expressed the same inadequacy.

Each one above the other looking ahead and feeling inadequate.

In the above scenario everyone is doing one thing that steals their joy.

Comparing themselves to others.

Three ways to stop comparing yourself to others

Focus

Remain focused on the things that move the needle in life.

Benjamin P. Hardy said in one of his stories,

“wake up and work on the thing that will change your life.”

What do you do first thing in the morning? Is it something that will change your life? If not, you need to refocus.

For me its writing and exercise.

What is it for you?

Does getting upset about someone else’s success change your life?

NO

Here is what does.

Swallowing your pride, accepting they are better than you.

Try to figure out why. It could be any of these things:

They write better than you.

Practice writing.

They might engage with more people.

Put yourself out there and get to reading, clapping, and commenting.

They help people more than you.

Learn your audience’s pain points and solve them.

These are a few examples. If you look at someone who is enjoying more relative success than you and your only thought is,

I am better than them.

You’re fucked.

That’s your problem. We are not special and we all can improve in one way or another.

Gratitude

We need to take a step back and recognize how much we already have.

I had a nasty habit.

I would look at a profile and immediately compared them to me. I looked for their average engagement. The next thing I did was open their “about” section and see how old their profile was.

If it’s new, It was a punch in the gut.

This comparison stole my joy. Stripping me of any sense of self worth.

I stopped.

Now I will check their profile and if it’s new I will celebrate their success. I will use it as a reminder.

Medium is an amazing place with boundless opportunities.

I look at my successes and I’m thankful I have remained true to myself as my own profile grows.

I’ve learned the rules of engagement on Medium the hard way and made all the mistakes.

My followers, subscribers, and daily reads are all growing and I am grateful.

This is the type of gratitude you need.

Direct it towards your own writing journey.

Avoid comparing yourself to others.

You may be thinking, I just started and nothing has happened for me yet.

You started!

That is more than most people and that is something to be grateful about.

Mindfulness

Your ego lives in two places and you aren’t invited.

You will spend your entire life in a long series of right now's.

Your ego will spend your entire life in the past and the future. Two places you will never be.

If you allow your ego to control your thoughts you will never exist.

READ THAT AGAIN

You will drift along waiting, striving for more because that’s what the ego craves.

Cut it out.

Life is now!

Drop all thoughts of the past and future.

Not forever.

That is the path to nihilism.

Recognize you can only control the present and exist in the present. Make it your priority.

Use the past and the future as signpost and lessons. Don’t long for tomorrow or dwell on yesterday.

Make the present the place you dwell.

Focus your energy on tasks in the present that will make your future better.

Banish the Thief

Comparing ourselves to others is human. We are all guilty of it. Practicing these three things will help us overcome it.

Think about all the times you are guilty of comparison.

Did it help you better yourself?

Are you a better person because of your jealousy?

These are rhetorical questions. We need to channel that energy into critical analysis of where we are and how we can better ourselves.

Non rhetorical questions:

Do you compare yourself to others?

Is there anything you’ve implemented to overcome this insidious thought process?

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