The Ten Commandments Of The Trump Bible
The former president teaches his followers how to worship Jesus
Donald Trump recently decided to sell Bibles for $60. I got an advanced copy and was wondering if anyone else saw the new version of the Ten Commandments that Trump included inside, Praise Jesus:
- Thou shalt vote for Donald Trump. Thou shalt have no other presidents before me. Biden was never president. I won the election.
- Let’s make gold statues of me so you can worship me directly. The more images out there of me, the better.
- Wear MAGA hats. Put my name on every tower. If you’re not being vain about my name then do you really even support me?
- Keep the Election Day holy, until I’m your dictator. Then you don’t need to vote anymore, but I’ll only be dictator for a day. I swear. 😉
- Honor your parents and grandparents by voting for Trump. Stop calling them Boomers. That’s a hate crime against me.
- Thou shalt have no gun control laws. I could shoot someone in broad daylight and people would still support me.
- I shall always commit adultery, but never pay any porn stars for it. Doing so is a witch hunt, but I have more than enough money to pay them because I’m rich. That’s why I’ll be accepting donations for my legal expenses at this time.
- I shalt steal the election if Biden gets too many votes again. January 6th 2.0.
- Thou shalt lie and use thy government power to pardon myself of all crimes I’ve committed. Presidents, meaning only me, shouldn’t have to be imprisoned when we do illegal things.
- You should be jealous of me as much as I’m jealous of everyone else. I’d steal a penny from a baby if you said I couldn’t have it.
