DIARY OF A MAD MUM

The Teenager Has Gone AWOL Again

Is she dead in a ditch?

I woke at 7 am and discovered the younger teenager (YT) is not in her bed.

I actually cannot walk up the stairs very well right now because of my illness so I asked my husband to go and doublecheck. He does so and confirms that she is not there.

I went out for the first time last night (to the cinema) and she was not home as promised when I left at 9 o’clock. She had gone out ‘for an hour’ at 7:30. I hadn’t wanted her to but she said she needed some fresh air.

When I got to the cinema and before I turned off my phone at 9:30 pm, I checked her location and she was home.

When I got home about 11:30 pm I was exhausted so went straight to bed.

This morning I can’t see her location which only works if her mobile phone is switched on; I guess her phone has run out of juice.

Yesterday, she had a planned visit from her special worker who visits her regularly for talks about important teenage matters like relationships, sex, and taking care of yourself (I’m not privy to exactly what they share.) It’s a great service provided by our local authority and I’m so grateful for it because she was not listening to me on these matters for sure.

After her special worker left. YT and I had a little bonding time and I ordered her some new clothes and a pair of crocs that she’s been wanting.

I had also told her this week that if her behaviour continued improving as it has been I would consider getting her a new iPhone for Christmas or her 16th birthday.

“But that’s ages away,” she said.

“Yes,” I agreed. “ and I need that time to save up because iPhones are expensive.

I’m also thinking that by Christmas I’d have finished paying for the older teenager’s 16th bday iPhone. One iPhone at a time. I hope Steve Jobs is happy with himself, wherever he is now.

Half an hour later YT popped her head into my room to ask if it was okay if she went out for an hour to see her friend? It was 7:30 pm and I didn’t really want her to go out and told her so.

“I just need some fresh air,” she said.

“OK, one hour.” I relented.

She didn’t come back in an hour and I went on with my day.

I don’t know what’s gone wrong.

It’s been going so well; she’s been leaving on her location and pretty much coming home on curfew (within about half an hour to 45 minutes.)

The protocol is I call social services and the police because she is a vulnerable minor and at risk. I also called the school to let them know. (I was hoping against hope that she might be in school but she wasn’t.)

What is she’s been held against her well? What if she was on her way home at 9 o’clock and somebody abducted her?

As her mobile phone is on my account I have access to the telephone numbers that she calls; I called the last number that she phoned which was at 7:15 pm yesterday. The young man who answered the phone identified himself as someone that is known to me.

He told me he had seen her around 8 pm when she had come to where a group of them were meeting in a local square but that she had left at around 9 pm.

I made him promise to call or text me if he saw her.

2:30 pm

It’s now mid-afternoon and I have done a couple of things I need to do today, such as open my mail, eat breakfast and lunch and speak to a couple of friends. I have a go-to list of support family and friends who I can text or email when this kind of thing happens and someone always gets back to me.

I’m so grateful for my support groups. It feels better to talk about my concerns rather than let them eat me up inside, like:

What is she’s been held against her well? What if she was on her way home at 9 o’clock and somebody abducted her?

What if?

What if?

What if?

I cannot know the answers to these questions. I do not have power over people, places, and things outside of myself and my sphere.

What I do have is the ability to look after myself, play music, to eat well and hydrate, to reach out for support, meditate and pray. Listening to the latest reading challenge on my YouVersion Bible app is helpful.

I am reminded that I was far from the perfect 15-year-old. I also knew a fifteen-year-old who ran away the day before she and her family were due to fly to the Caribbean from the UK, forcing her poor mother to fly without her.

Oh, that was me as well.

I pray that I have been forgiven.

I look at my diary and decide to cancel the rest of my day and take a nap. I had really wanted to go to the garden of neuro talk on climate change which we started last week, and to attend a commemorative swim for my friend Amanda‘s 10th year death anniversary.

But I cannot do everything.

Then, just before I turn it off my phone pings.

2:54 pm

She’s just come down to see me. She looks fine. She said that after she left her friends at 9 pm she went off with another friend (unnnamed) and fell asleep and the alarm that she set to get up in time for school did not go off because her phone died.

I’m thinking about the Luke 7:47 meditation I listened to earlier, on forgiveness (‘S/he who has forgiven little loves little’) when I tell her that in future, she is to come home no matter what the time is or to let me know where she is.

I’m going to call the police, social services and school now and let them know she is safe.

Maybe I’ll be able to the Garden of Neuro talk after all, and the swim.

Blood pressure: 145/82

I’m getting better at this keeping calm in a crisis thing.

(c) marla bishop 2021

An occasional series on the life and loves of a twentieth-century mother. Best imbibed with a large glass of wine, as that’s the way I write it. I’m a relationship coach, writer, owner of this publication Lilith, and editor at The Bad Influence. I spent 31 days in hospital between April 7th and May 3rd this year, where I dreamt of home, wellness, and teens who do what they’re asked. Buy me a cuppa here, you know I need one.