The Tannhauser Gate
Chapter 4
“Is this everything now, the quick delusions of flowers, and the down colors of the bright summer meadow? The soft blue spread of heaven, the bees’ song. Is this everything only a god’s groaning dream”, Hermann Hesse
We touched ground in Boston at dusk. The last surviving beams from the dying sunset cast their red and orange figments on the windowsill of the plane. Vic observed the swirling constellations dancing before him and tried to grasp them with his hand while rubbing the morning dew from his eyes with the other. Here and there, ice on the pavement of the runway witnessed the end of a frosty clear day and the coming of a blisteringly cold night.
We got hold of our suitcases, baby carrier, car seat for Vic, and a ton of other things that we brought and went into the airport lobby. Vic and Anne were tired from waking up in what felt like the middle of the night to us. I had built some momentum contemplating the journey ahead while watching the neverending sunset and sipping the wines that kept coming. I looked up at the arching ceiling above us, savoring the moment. Arriving at new places was unique — the crisp and unbiased experience of an atmosphere for the first time.
I took Vic to the restrooms to change his diaper while Anne got us coffee. When I came back, to my surprise, Anne was speaking to Josh. “Josh” I almost shouted. Vic grunted, clearly dissatisfied with the sudden turmoil. I hugged him comfortingly in my arms as I rushed towards them. We met like old friends, hugging and cheering. The excitement of what lay ahead emanated between us.
“What are you doing here,” I asked, clearly surprised since we agreed to meet in the lab the day after. “Well, can you blame me? You are carrying our future and path to tenure, and I had to ensure the data would arrive well” he laughed. I was glad to meet him finally, and he seemed as straight up and dedicated as he had appeared on the phone.
Josh had an old car parked outside in the waiting area. After the initial greetings, we huddled to the car, carrying our suitcases and knickknacks that formed our material base for the coming half year.
I sat in the back of Johs’ car with Vic on the drive towards campus. Anne and Josh were chatting away in the front seats. The talk flowed seamlessly. I smiled as I looked out the window. They met a few times during our video calls and seemed to get along well. It calmed me. I knew I would work a lot during our stay, and although Anne and I had made an explicit agreement about this, it was top of my mind to ensure that she and Vic had a good base so I could focus on the work ahead.
Josh was a postdoc with the famous Professor McAllen. McAllen was a phenomenologist who had shown that experience depends on the circumstances and, therefore, must be subjective and studied in line with the phenomenological principles. In direct opposition was behaviorism, which was gaining ground, building on the path laid by positivists before them. They posed that behavior can be reduced to the neuronal assemblies constituting our brain, organized in hierarchical layers of complexity down to the single neurons, and must be objectively studied by analyzing the neural wiring of human existence. Behaviorism prevailed, and McAllen was the last frontier of phenomenology in many ways. He kept claiming that phenomenology was the missing link to a complete understanding of consciousness and that he would integrate it back into the neurosciences where it belonged as the last piece of a lifelong puzzle before he passed.
Outside, Charles River appeared, and we drove along the banks until taking the bridge into the heart of Boston. We had been lucky to get housing close to MIT, allowing me brief transits between home and the lab. I was hoping that Anne and Vic would come to visit the lab and that the atmosphere at the lab was accommodating so they would feel welcome to do so.
We took a right, entered a small road, and arrived at our house shortly after. It had a porch in front, which I had been particularly meticulous about when browsing opportunities from home. When in Rome. We said goodbye to Josh and carried all our stuff inside. We were exhausted from the traveling, and now at our destination, I felt it too. Vic was in a splendid mood and wanted to play. Anne took him upstairs and tried to get him to sleep while I started unpacking the necessities.
When I finally finished, it was half eleven, and I decided to sit on the porch a bit before going to bed. It was freezing outside, but the night was still and beautiful. I bolstered with all my winter clothes and went out into the night.
