The Surprising Way I Knew I Moved Past My Grief

It does get easier

Content awareness: pregnancy loss

Two friends and I started a book club in January 2021. We needed something to focus on as we were still navigating pandemic times and getting a bit stir-crazy.

We’ve been going strong every month since then, taking turns suggesting our next read, finding the topics we enjoy, and debating what makes a “good” book. It’s been a joy.

Our June 2023 selection, The Whispers, by Ashley Audrain, was a natural pick. We read her last novel, The Push, and agreed it was one of our favorites of 2021.

Audrain’s latest tells the stories of neighborhood women who are at varying stages of motherhood — and a little mystery that occurs.

One character is desperate to start a family. She has experienced repeated losses at varying stages of her pregnancies. She is hurting, and Audrain illustrates this well by including a chapter that vividly details the physical experience of a miscarriage.

It’s been ten years since my two pregnancy losses, one to ectopic implantation and one to non-viability at ten weeks. That grief is overwhelming. It loomed large and seemed to be in every aspect of my life.

Over the last decade, I focused on healing through therapy and personal growth. Like most things, the memory started to fade, and the grief got smaller and more manageable as the years passed.

Small moments may trigger it now and then, thoughts of what might have been. They are now few and far between.

As I was listening to the audiobook of The Whispers, I related to this devastating chapter. I shared the physical pain Audrain describes; the details were so accurate that I wondered about the author’s experiences. Perhaps she, too, had lived through this loss.

And I realized I was not triggered by this at all.

There were no tears.

There was no re-living my own experiences.

There was no more grief hovering at the surface, waiting to come out at the slightest disruption.

And now I know — after all this time and work to recover, this surprising source showed me this is what healing feels like for me.

I share this full experience as a contributing author to My Walk, My Way: Women Who Changed Their Life One Step at a Time.