The Surprising Reasons French People Are Socially Awkward

I have lived my whole life juggling two cultures. Living in France, I got a French education and grew up with French culture. At home, since my parents are both Japanese, I was raised and educated in Japanese culture as well. Being French but also a foreigner, I instinctively felt a closeness with all the foreigners I met. I’ve invited, welcomed, and become friends with mainly Japanese people and Americans in France.

I had the opportunity to introduce them to my French friends, and I was always the person to organize and see the cultural contrast between France and other countries. I apologize to my French community, but the French, compared to Americans, Japanese, or other foreigners, seem socially awkward. Looking back, I have some justifications related to our education that lead the French to become so.

Being the devil’s advocate

In French classes, from middle school to high school, we have debate classes. I still remember my first debate experience: “Can humans manipulate DNA?” I was 13 years old, and I had to form a group with three classmates to prepare arguments to be FOR it. We had to present our arguments in front of the whole class of 20 students who had to be AGAINST it. It was a very interesting class, but an experience I only wanted to have once in my life. I was really innocent since, looking back, this would only be the beginning of many debates I would participate in. This class was the introductory class to French life.

The teachers teach us to work on arguments, to convince and have counterarguments. In high school, in the French and philosophy classes, all students continue to do the same thing. We usually had to write essays with typical structures: argument, counterargument, synthesis, and conclusion. This education reflects French culture. The French see the importance of knowing how to debate, not only for politics but also for technological advancement and for any decision-making. It is so ingrained in the culture that the French naturally debate even about simple things. I myself sometimes have this habit of being the devil’s advocate just for debating, even if it’s not my sincere opinion. My wife, who is American, is still getting used to it. It’s a typical form of education in France, which greatly influences French communication. I don’t think there is any other country that debates as much as the French.

Reasoning rather than intuition

In high school, students are required to take philosophy classes. These are typically part of French education, which forces all young people to reason by taking the example of the philosophers’ mentality. Usually, students take this course only for one year, which seems short. But it influences the French mentality through a snowball effect. The French learn things considered intellectual to have convincing and even impressive arguments. The French idolize people who know how to debate. Thus, the French tend to think that intelligent opinions and arguments are sexy and attractive. For these reasons, the French take on the mentality of philosophers, trying to reason regularly.

When a foreigner asks a French person, “What is your dream?”, chances are he will answer, “What is a dream, after all?” This a small question to encourage the conversation to turn into a philosophical discussion. For a French person, the question of what his dream is seems futile. For a foreigner, the question “What is a dream, after all?” simply seems stupid. For me, this kind of awkward conversation always makes me laugh.

Unique Social Skills

There are many other reasons why foreigners have trouble understanding French people. The fact that they seem socially awkward comes a lot from the difference in education and environment. Growing up with two cultures, I can understand both points of view. Thanks to this, I was also able to adjust my way of speaking and thus successfully convey my feelings depending on who I was speaking with.

The French seem socially awkward because they are not trained to make small talk. They think talking about their favorite TV shows or talking about their dream is childish. Instead, the French love to talk about facts, about what they know. They love to share their knowledge. In France, intelligence is defined by knowledge. It’s measured by the amount of culture générale (common knowledge) they have accumulated. It’s measured by reasoning rather than social intelligence.

These assets are the strengths of the French, but they do not help in having a conversation with foreigners. The French are good at speaking up to present their knowledge and experiences, but they are not used to asking questions to advance the conversation or understand the other person’s point of view. I hope one day, in France, there will be some class of inclusivity in order to train social skills so they can better connect with foreigners.

I have to add that I love talking with my French friends. Thanks to our years of friendship, we know each other well, we share a lot of points of view, and we understand each other easily. I also love my French community, where we share our interests, listen to each other, debate, share knowledge, and learn about new things. French people seem socially awkward because the conversation topics are really different from other countries.