The Sunny Side of Ex-Pat Living

What a life abroad has given me

“Home is not where you are born, it’s where all your attempts to escape cease.” -thepiripirilexicon.com

I remember when we had our first exchange student at my high school. Two students, one from Japan and one from Thailand, arrived early in the fall semester of my second year. I made it my mission to be friends with them. I was obsessed with what their countries were like, why they had come to the U.S., and how. I could think of nothing more exciting. I saw stars as they described the program they were sent with, the places they had traveled, and the customs they were missing back home.

Getting out of my small town was all I dreamed about. It started as a plan to move as far away as possible (at the time, this meant California). But after meeting those two exchange students, my horizon expanded. I begged my parents to let me sign up for such a program for the next three years straight. But, sending their 15-year-old daughter to live in South Korea was not high on their priority list (I wonder why?).

Instead, I waited (un)patiently until I could send in my own application to study abroad my third year of university. And it worked. I spent a year in Madrid, Spain, and came back to finish my Bachelor’s degree a different person. Once back, my parents assumed I was done traveling.

In reality, I was just getting started.

Over the last fifteen years, I’ve spent twelve of them in eight countries outside the U.S. It’s not always easy. But, as one friend once commented: “I’m an ex-pat at heart.”

Here are three things the ex-pat life has given me:

Perspective

Coming from a small town, the rural bubble is real. If you only see adults in a handful of careers, it’s easy to think those are the only jobs possible. If you only see one type of food, or one approach to driving, it’s a quick jump to assuming those are the only options. Even more serious, a lack of variety often makes people assume there is only one way to do things. And they’re, of course, doing it the best way.

When you travel, and especially when you live abroad, your bubble pops. Suddenly, you start to question everything. Are pancakes a breakfast food? Do we have to drive on the right side of the road? Could health care be covered by taxes?

From the mundane to the serious, living abroad makes you realize that some of the things we do are not because they’re the ‘best’ way, but because no one has changed them yet.

Confidence

I arrived at the airport in Lima, had to get to my hotel, spend the night, then take an eight-hour bus North to the city where I would be living. I had to figure out where I was going, watch my stuff, navigate multiple cities, speak a foreign language, and not freak out. Not necessarily in that order. And that was just the beginning. Once in my new home, I had to adjust to a new job, grocery shop, make friends, and build a life in a place where I knew no one.

Traveling alone and living abroad can be intense and lonely, but also immensely satisfying. The first time I took a trip completely by myself, it almost ended in disaster, but it left me elated. When I wanted to go somewhere, I went. When problems arose, I figured out how to solve them. Yes, sometimes I cried in bathrooms. But I always figured it out. In the end, not having ‘someone to go with’ stopped holding me back, because I could handle any situation on my own.

There’s no bigger confidence booster.

YOLO

“If you don’t do stupid things when you’re young, you won’t have anything to smile about when you’re old” -anonymous-

On top of broadening my horizons and giving me the confidence to seize the day, living abroad has given me relief.

When I sat down with an old friend from university, he sighed four times when he talked about what he had been up to. He outlined some dreams for the future, but when pushed, he explained that he felt like he had wasted his 20s.

I have made a lot of mistakes. I have several regrets. But, I’ve been to Macchu Pichu. I’ve scuba-dived off the coasts of Panama and Honduras. I’ve picked grapes in New Zealand. Not all of my risks have paid off, but I’ve taken them.

I did not waste my 20s.

That sense of pride and relief is hard to explain, but it’s an essential part of who I am today. Going for it at any stage makes the next stage easier. After moving around the world in my 20s, I was more ready to chill in my 30s.

When I look back at that excited high-schooler quizzing the exchange students again and again about their countries, I smile.

She was right.

Living abroad and traveling to other countries was just as exciting as she had hoped.

The ex-pat life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but it has been a lot more positives than negatives. It has given a lot more than it has taken away.

For my fellow ex-pats out there — what has living abroad given you?