Anxiety journey

The Stunting Ways Dissociation Controls You — And How You Can Control It Instead

Finding the escape in the dissociation and how to get back to reality

I pride myself on being a good thinker. Others would consider me to be an overthinker. Generating ideas and jotting them down comes easily to me.

However, it doesn’t transfer to social skills because of my anxiety. It’s difficult for me to be in a situation in which I’m overwhelmed.

Despite being prepared, having previously written whole scripts in my head, studying everything well, and knowing what to do in every possible situation, I still hit a mental roadblock.

My head empties and all thoughts disappear into thin air.

I set out to figure this out — why does this happen?

Does this state have a name?

Definition of dissociation

What I have is not dangerous. It’s not like I have amnesia or a complete loss of awareness. I just zone out to get away — a coping mechanism triggered by severe anxiety when there seems to be no other escape from the situation at hand.

If people tell me to concentrate at that moment — I can’t. But the lack of focus is not dangerous unless I am doing something that requires my full attention. I can’t say I take on such tasks a lot.

I see everything around me just fine. I can hear people. It isn't a continuous phase, it happens rarely — in my case — and I don’t have a severe case of this symptom.

So to make things clear, what are the signs of dissociation?

Signs of a dissociative disorder can vary greatly but may include feelings of being detached from oneself, having a sense of unreality, memory loss or forgetfulness, feeling disconnected from the world around, changes in personal identity, depersonalization, derealization, and out-of-body experiences. — Ezracounseling.com shares with their readers.

I experience what they call disconnection from the world around me. It’s like I can watch myself from the third person’s point of view.

During these episodes, my speech tends to become spontaneous, and I momentarily lose touch with my own thoughts. To regain control, I’ve had to develop strategies that help me center myself. I’ll reveal them a little later.

Since it’s been bothering me, I thought I would do some research on how to get out of that state and experiment with it.

The loss of control

To give you an example, I noticed the feeling of loss of control the most when I was driving. I get the thoughts of lessons learned before — I know all the rules, and there’s no gap in memory. But I can’t think — I do as I get the impulse to.

I want to emphasize that, thankfully, these impulses have never led to dangerous situations. I maintain a strong commitment to safety, always striving to make the right decisions, despite the occasional mental disconnect.

I continued to go to lessons despite feeling nervous about it and, through dissociation, I figured out that I could still learn. Because I improved over time, I made fewer mistakes, and my instructor praised me for my improvement.

So, it doesn’t exactly get in the way of that part of my life. I’m improving, I don’t notice the disconnect between my memory — or learning abilities — with this condition.

It has to do with my nervous system only.

But if it’s this uncomfortable for me, I recognize that others may struggle with it more intensely. I want to reach out to those who may not fully understand what they’re going through and help them come to terms with their experiences.

To describe it, I’d call it my defense mechanism. And it’s true — people who want to hide from their conditions, who want it all to stop, develop this to make it easier for themselves.

“Dissociation is also a normal way of coping during traumatic events. For example, some people may dissociate while experiencing war, kidnapping or during a medical emergency. In situations we can’t physically get away from, dissociation can protect us from distress.” — article published on mind.org.uk shares.

When you can’t do anything — when it’s a must that you go through a distressful situation, your brain puts up walls to not realize the real toll it has on your emotions.

Me, I still remember everything later, I get flashbacks of what I did wrong during the time I was “away”. I still process it, regardless if my mind protected me at that moment or not.

I want to reach out to people who maybe don’t realize what they have. In case they need someone else to come to the conclusion of what they have.

It’s all manageable. If it’s bothering you, you can always improve with the right approach.

The solution

The best way is through therapy.

As always, it’s best if you go to professionals — because I’m not one, I am just sharing my experience and what I found. When you’re struggling, go to those who know what is going on.

However, if you’d like to explore self-help techniques, there are exercises you can try. The first step of anything is trying. Don’t lay in the consequences, get out of the mess you’re in.

If you’re struggling, it’s better than doing nothing at all.

Here’s the way, when you’re in a dissociative state, ask yourself these questions:

• Notice your surroundings, what do you see?
• What are you touching? Feel the texture underneath your hands, how clothes feel on you
• What are you smelling? What does that smell remind you of? Is the air fresh or is it humid?
• What do you hear?
• How is your tongue lying in your mouth? Can you press it to the roof of your mouth?

Doing all these things will bring you to the present. You will feel all the senses one by one, getting to the point where you are aware of your body.

Don’t do this when doing something else (e.g. driving), it will take your attention elsewhere. If you’re feeling the texture of the wheel then you’re not looking at the road — be careful.

Final thoughts

It’s simple exercises to make you more focused overall even if you’re not dissociating. More focus never hurt anybody.

If you struggle with social anxiety, when you’re talking to a person and find yourself slipping, take a moment to breathe and understand that the person isn’t there to get you. There isn’t any real danger in talking to another human being. Focus on the outside, rather than the chaos that is in your mind.

Calming down is a good idea — to relax more, to be mindful of the world. Just calming breaths, stretch of hands, and take notice of time passing by — soon it will be over. Time passes and the dissociative moment is just a small fraction of your life.

Most importantly — remember to reach out for help if it is too hard to deal with on your own.

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