The Struggles Of An Antisocial Girl

And How I Want To See Social Situations Change

Have you ever read those posts which ask ‘Am I the arsehole?’ People who detail their stories and ask whether their behaviour was acceptable. Well, I am currently having one of those moments.

Yesterday I found myself in an awkward position. A few years ago, I took an online acting class and met a girl who then added me on Facebook (I might have added her, but I honestly cannot remember). She seems nice enough, but if I am honest, I do not remember her at all. Nothing about her profile leads me to believe we have anything in common and during the few times we have spoken, there has been very little to speak about. I don’t know her to the point where she could slap me and I would not recognise her and her profile picture is not clear enough for me to determine what she looks like.

That gives you a clue to how little this person means to me.

Well, yesterday she messaged me out of the blue. Asked me how I was and gave me a few brief messages before asking me for my number and asking me for lunch. Now, I was fine with a few brief messages, my politeness and desperation not to offend anyone meant I had no choice but to respond, but my number? Lunch?

My stomach lurches at the idea of meeting a stranger for lunch. The idea of sitting across from this woman I barely know and have no interest in getting to know is my worst nightmare. Social situations are taboo to me (hence I am a writer), so what am I to do?

The idea instantly came to my mind.

Block her.

It began a mix of feelings. It would deal with the problem immediately and cleanly. I would never have to speak to her again. Do I owe this stranger anything? I know ghosting is rude and thoughtless, but the truth is, I don’t give her a thought. Should I care if she’s angry at me for a week, only to never speak to me again? No, I don’t care and I went to block her.

That was until the guilt sets in.

I thought about how desperate a friend she must be. How many people reach out to strangers over the years to meet for lunch? Would my mind survive the guilt if it turned out she was hanging by a thread and my actions were what cut that thread once and for all? Or am I overthinking it as someone who is a recluse and likes to spend time in my own company?

However, the more I think about it, the angrier I become.

Why is social etiquette dictated by those who are social?

Is this girl worried about whether she made me feel uncomfortable in this situation?

I want to rewrite the rule book to include us antisocial people who do not want to meet you for lunch because you have asked. I want to be honest and say “Hey you seem nice, but I have met my quota for friends but thanks anyway!” but I cannot.

As someone whose natural state is to pull away from social situations, I want to change the rules and for social people to get on the train.

So, rule one, If I can’t be honest with people then there should be a rule that you cannot ask someone out for lunch unless you have spoken to them consecutively for a month on any social media platform OR you have already met them in person.

Rule two is that you are not allowed to be offended if I do not want to hang out or befriend you. It’s nothing against you, but at this time, I am overloaded socially and I do not want anything else on my plate. You should be forced to understand this and get over it.

Magical rule three, please do not say things you don’t mean. Leave the passive-aggressive comments behind and just be forward.

I hope that society can create new rules so that those like me who are not great at social situations can engage with others without feeling like we are solving a puzzle!

And for those who are wondering how I dealt with my problem, I haven’t yet. I’m hoping to behave like a grown-up and solve it soon and yes, I understand that makes me the arsehole in this equation.