Summary

The article "The Struggle Inside" describes an internal conflict between faith and fear, where the author grapples with moments of doubt and relies on spiritual promises to maintain strength.

Abstract

"The Struggle Inside" delves into the personal battle between faith and fear that the author experiences, particularly during quiet moments when doubt can infiltrate the mind. The author acknowledges the exhaustion of keeping guard against negative thoughts and the occasional surrender to tears, which are no longer resisted but accepted as a necessary release. The struggle is not just between knowing what is right and acting upon it, but also between light and darkness, faith and fear. Despite the recognition that true strength comes from a higher power, the author admits to the difficulty of consistently maintaining faith and the need for support when falling. The piece reflects on the fear of being abandoned by the divine, contrasting with the intellectual understanding that God's presence is steadfast. The author's heart is not always steadfast, and the struggle persists, indicating an ongoing journey of faith amidst the uncertainties of life.

Opinions

The author experiences moments when fear and doubt invade their thoughts, particularly when their spiritual vigilance wanes.
There is an acknowledgment of the necessity of emotional release through tears, which are no longer fought but embraced as part of the human experience.
The author's strength is not self-derived but comes from a divine source, a belief they must continually reinforce.
The internal battle is likened to a gradual process, akin to the slow onset of anesthesia, rather than a sudden event.
The author has made a conscious decision not to flee from their struggles but to engage in the fight, recognizing they cannot succeed alone.
There is a fear that God might one day abandon them, despite knowing the truth of God's enduring presence.
The author's heart is not always as resolute as it should be, highlighting the complexity of maintaining faith in the face of fear.

The Struggle Inside

A Battle Wages Between Faith and Fear

There’s a struggle that goes on between what I want to think and what creeps into my heart when my world is silent.

Sometimes the sentry of my heart is exhausted and closes his eyes, just for a moment, long enough for the evil one to poke in a tentacle of fear or doubt.

Most of the time I can rip that tentacle apart, chewing it off with God’s faithful promises.

But not always.

I find tears breaking out of their dark, suppressed prison walls at the craziest opportunities.

I gave up on fighting them.

I want them. I need them.

I’m not strong, not alone.

I have to remind myself of that.

My strength won’t come from within me but through Him.

I know that yet have to remind myself over and over again.

I can’t always succeed.

It falls upon me like a dark heavy cloud that slowly sinks into the skyline.

Not like a darkened hood was thrown over the captors’ head, no, not suddenly.

That would be okay. I would recognize it immediately and fight.

No, it’s more like a morphine drip.

I don’t even realize I’m counting backward from 100 before the surgery and I slip into unconsciousness.

There’s a struggle that goes on between knowing and doing.

Between fear and faith.

Light and darkness.

I have chosen not to run from the battle.

I will fight, but not alone, because when I fall, and I will fall again and again and again.

I need to be picked up.

There’s a struggle between believing God will continually be with me as before and fearing that he will finally shake away the dust that I am.

I know what’s right.

My heart should be steadfast.

It’s not.

There’s a struggle.