The Storm Within

Struggling with brewing negativity

Other people are better writers. The words are stuck. How do I get unstuck? Keep writing.

But writing is making me feel like a failure. Keep writing.

Maybe I should do something else today. You can but still write.

Nothing makes sense. Why does it have it make sense? Just write.

I am. I’m writing them. Over and over my fingers dance over the keyboard. Keep going.

You’re annoying. Stop procrastinating.

See, I have nothing to write. Blankness is failure. Why failure? Why not think of it as progress?

How can nothing be progress? Because you’re still trying.

I need to go for a walk and come back. Is that okay? Yes. While you’re walking be fully present in the walk. Observe what you see.

What did you see?

As I stepped out, I felt the wetness of the air cling to my skin. The wind was hiding out in the treetops, swaying the bird’s nest straddled between two sturdy branches. The branches swayed like a mama rocking her baby to sleep. A familiar floral scent embraced my nose as I walked by our neighbor’s wall of lilacs lining their yard. My mother. As a child I would cut her lilacs from the neighbor’s yard, afraid someone would yell at me. Her smile was my prize. Until we saw a parade of ants rushing down a stem onto her hand. Her laugh. Another prize.

Thank you for pushing me to keep writing.

Never forget your strength.

Your words are always there, just below the frustration.

@2021 Ellie Jacobson