The Stink Terrorists

And how they stunk out a billionaire

Barron Q. Flimflam was one of the richest men in the world. He was a real estate magnate who owned countless real estate properties around the world that catered to the rich and famous. Flimflam Resorts was the name of his multi-billion dollar corporation. His entire life was centered around his own self-aggrandizement. He would never enter a room until first everyone in the room stood up and applauded his entry. He had a golden throne in his home that he sat on each day pretending to be the ruler of the world.

Roger T. Savior was a boy who went to school with Barron Q. Flimflam. Starting in kindergarten they became mortal enemies and it lasted throughout their school years and extended beyond into their professional careers. Roger became an activist who fought against the elite but he was not an activist on the street. He also became wealthy and he fought behind the scenes.

In childhood Roger’s favorite TV show was Mission Impossible. (This was long before the movie franchise.) He fantasized throughout his life about foiling the pursuits of the super rich. He fantasized about destroying their plots to take over the world. He fantasized about saving the world from super villains.

And no one captured his attention more than his one-time classmate Barron Q. Flimflam. In school Barron had made a mockery of Roger. Roger had been Barron’s whipping boy. Every girlfriend that Roger came close to having, Barron stole away. Every brilliant idea that Roger had Barron stole away from him. Every essay Roger ever wrote in the school newspaper was rebutted with a populist diatribe by Barron. They were arch-enemies at an early age.

While Roger floundered in the sea of writing Barron excelled in the sea of commerce. Barron became a billionaire while Roger struggled to keep his head above water.

But then one day Roger won the lottery. With a suddenly fat bank account, Roger decided to devote his life to taking down Barron.

As was his nature, Roger took to elaborate planning. He gathered together a small group of very devious men who could help carry out his plan of retribution. They were all very skilled at their professions and they all shared in Roger’s dislike of Barron.

They met for months and finally came up with a plan.

One member of Roger’s group was a botanist he had met while in college. They had a shared ideology and had become close friends. While Roger’s friends gathered together to plot revenge, Roger turned out to like his botanist’s ideas above the others. Mostly because no one would be hurt.

Clive, his botanist friend, came up with an idea involving the liquid that skunks emit when threatened. It is one of the foulest odors known to humankind.

According to Roger’s botanist friend this liquid was available for purchase to hunters who wanted to mask their own odor in order to flush out animals they wanted to hunt and kill. The ultimate stink was available for purchase.

So Roger and his comrades decided to purchase voluminous quantities of skunk stink. They developed bladders that would hold this liquid that had spray nozzles that could spray it at desired locations. Spray it into the open windows of a vehicle and no one would be able to be in those vehicles to drive them. Spray it all over an outdoor patio where rich people gathered to have a party and no one would be able to stand it and they would all leave.

Barron Q. Flimflam had resorts for the rich and famous all up and down the coast. Only the rich and famous and influential could afford to stay at these posh resorts. And they all flocked to these resorts in attempts to meet Barron and develop influence and ask for special consideration from the almighty powerful Barron.

These elite resorts were the power base of Barron’s extreme influence over the country. He was the go-to billionaire that everyone went to try to meet in order to further their cause.

Roger and his band of stink terrorists came up with a plastic cylinder that could be concealed on the body that was attached to a spray nozzle through a tube running down one’s arm to the hand. Inconspicuously, the one harboring this gadgetry could spray skunk stink where ever they wanted without being noticed. Skunk stink was available for purchase to hunters everywhere and there was no registration required. It could be purchased in volume without leaving much verifiable trace.

So Roger’s band of stink terrorists, armed with these skunk stink sprayers, planned a series of attacks on the many resorts of Barron Q. Flimflam.

They booked rooms in these posh resorts. While they never sprayed their own rooms, they would walk around the resort in their business suits spraying the skunk stink throughout hallways and stairwells and elevators at those resorts. They sprayed the patios and gift shops and restaurants and golf courses and parking garages.

They sprayed everything with skunk stink. Soon wealthy customers were leaving in droves. They just couldn’t stand the stink. Word spread quickly and bookings to these posh resorts decreased dramatically. Who wants to stay in a posh resort that stunk?

The empire of Barron Q. Flimflam began to crumble. Bookings to his posh resorts fell by over eighty percent. Barron was suddenly bleeding money. A billionaire, he was now facing bankruptcy. In the press Barron called it a conspiracy against American capitalism.

In his mansion in the Bahamas Roger sat on his couch and smiled. He had brought down stink with stink. On the wall behind the couch was a large artwork of an American skunk (Mephitis mephitis). The large painting emitted no foul odor despite its exact replication of the animal.

Roger smiled in his accomplishment but at the depths of his feelings he harbored a fear that the smell would come back to haunt him some day.

Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction.

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