The state of the child during the divorce of parents: aggression.

Divorce is a stressful situation not only for the couple, but also for the child.

And if the child behaved in the usual way, then in the process of divorce, as well as the first time after the parents began to live separately, one can notice a deterioration in the child’s behavior.

Most often, this is expressed directly — in the form of aggression, anger, screaming, hysteria, or indirectly, through neurotic reactions (for example, thumb sucking, scratching intimate places). One way or another, the neuropsychic stress of the child, which he had because of the difficult situation in the life of his parents, needs to be released — and the child does this as best he can, as the situation in the family allows.

And here it is important for parents to know that aggression in the first months of a divorce is a natural reaction of a child to the changed conditions of his life. And it is better to let the child express his feelings outward than to accumulate them inside.

How can parents help their child?

1. Allow the child to express his feelings, help him cope with his condition, support him.

Often, parents are afraid of manifestations of aggression on the part of children and try in every possible way to extinguish, suppress (with a look, words, pulling, prohibition) any strong emotional manifestations of the child. It’s hard for them to cope with their experiences, and here also the child behaves unstably. And in order not to feel guilty, parents begin to take offense and defend themselves.

However, it should be remembered that the child, like the adults themselves, is unsettled by the usual life and does not know, does not understand what is happening, and how his life will turn out now. Fears, fears, anger, disappointment, anger — all this is experienced by the child, but does not know how to cope with it. Therefore, it is so important to support and help the child express his condition, and not restrain him.

Tension will still seek its outlet and discharge — either elsewhere (aggression in behavior with peers in the garden / school, will spoil things), or expressed through illness.

· Frankly, better as a couple, tell the child about the fact of divorce.

There is no need to talk about specific factors (treason, poor financial condition, resentment, bad relations between spouses) — the phrase that you, as a couple, have ceased to be happy, is more suitable.

Delaying the moment of telling the child about the divorce — keeps the child in a state of uncertainty and inexplicable stress, tension.

He does not understand what is happening — but he feels that something is wrong.

· Discuss with your child the changes in his life.

Both your life and the life of your child will change with a divorce. And in order to feel at least some kind of stability, it is important for a child to know what will happen to him now, how his life will go, communication with another parent.

A child in the process of divorce is also a participant in this process. And he, like adults, needs help and support. Unfortunately, it can be difficult for parents to calmly and sincerely understand the state of the child, since they themselves are in a psychological imbalance. If you, as a parent, feel that you are not coping, it is better to turn to a balanced and adequate relative, family friend or psychologist for help. Someone who can support you and your child during a difficult period for you.