The Small Things in Your Relationship Count

Money does not buy love, but a big heart does

I have spent many years around people who believe if the ring is not expensive enough then their partners don’t mean enough, and vice versa; if my partner doesn’t buy me expensive things it means I am not worth enough. I am also surrounded by a culture of flashy cars, expensive weddings, people only choosing partners based on financial stability and other rich things.

I was reflecting back to the time that my husband and I got married. We married in Leeds at the Registry Office, with a very small after do. We didn’t wear expensive clothes and our rings were way less than £1000.

We didn’t have a lot of money back then, but we really wanted to be with each other simply because we loved each other and that was enough.

Relationships are built on love, trust, dignity and respect. True relationships are worth so much more than money can buy. My partner and I have been through thick and thin both mentally and personally, we have had our losses, some of which have been tragic.

The worst tragedies can test and strain a relationship to its limits, but it is in these very moments that two people who love each other truly come together.

Many relationships wouldn’t have lasted half of what we have been through. Violence, bereavement, death, near-death, severe mental health, hate crime, and more. I have already written about our time on a psychiatric ward where we met each other. At that time I had nothing, my children were taken because of what had happened to us, and I was homeless and cashless, my mental health also badly deteriorated twice, and the trauma also ripped my children off me twice because of the severity of what we had gone through.

It is my birthday tomorrow and I turn 45 years old. My husband and I met when I was just 21 and we married when I was 22. That to me is a whole lot of years together, and we have survived the severe roller-coasters and storms of our time. If you read my husband's articles, you will find he has had more than his own fair share of trauma.

Despite everything my husband and I have been through, we have gotten back up, picked each other up, and pulled each other together time and time again, simply by talking, accepting each other, and spending time together.

This brings me back to money and love.

There is no amount of money in the world that can prove true love. True love comes from the heart alone.

There are some people who are married and in relationships who believe that money is love. They go to extremes buying the most expensive gifts they can find. Today I got flowers from my husband because he wanted to treat me to a birthday present in case he couldn’t get out tomorrow, due to his disabilities. I told him my favorite birthday present was just having him here because I loved him and enjoyed his company. He was worried because he couldn’t buy any expensive gift due to his disabilities restricting him and because of the financial difficulties the delays that the benefits system has left him with by delaying his payments. He tells me that he has been brought up to show love by buying expensive gifts.

The Beatles wrote ‘Money Can’t Buy Me Love’ (July 10th, 1964). They were right, money won’t buy you love, but having the right heart will. I took my husband's hand tonight and told him all I want to do tommorrow is curl up with him and watch a movie.

It is the little things we do for each other that show love the most.

There is so much more that people can get from marriage and relationships when we stop focusing on money and show love in other ways. Here is a list of things my husband and I do together that don’t involve money.

• We talk a lot: We talk about the television, weather, say funny things that make each other laugh, our feelings, hobbies, interests, share ideas, or just generally have a good giggle together.
• We spend time alone together: We go for walks, we do things at home together, we get silly with each other, we write together, we play games together and we appreciate being together.
• We cook together: We create recipes together and we cook them together. Cooking can spark many conversations, and you will be surprised by what your partner can teach you.
• We get intimate with each other regularly: Not just sexually, but kissing, cuddling, saying ‘I love you,’ and showing love and affection towards each other.
• We buy small things for each other: He buys flowers even if they are cheap, I buy chocolate. Small things are often appreciated more than expensive things.

What is important in love is that you love and care about each other deeply. Love is not about the amount you spend, it is about how you show it. Flashy gifts do not show love, but a deep, caring heart does show love. You could buy that multi-million-pound diamond ring, but it doesn’t mean a thing if your heart is in the wrong place.

So, next time you want to show love, do it with your heart, not your wallet or purse strings.