The Six Books I Use To Help Drag Me Through Really Difficult Times
Some of these were even in my Amazon cart the day I met Jeff Bezos, and he still didn’t judge me.
Back in March of 2007, I was very much alone at a gorgeous, highly exclusive Oscar Party that my 7 year old daughter had really been the one invited to. She was a cherished Malibu playdate for the granddaughter of Barry Diller and Diane Von Furstenberg, and since she really couldn’t be expected to drive herself there, I was lucky enough to be her plus one. At one point, some light rain started and the food had just been served making the lovely outdoor tables obsolete so I wandered into one of the rooms of their stunning Beverly Hills estate where a group of men were all sitting around the living room. Balancing a plate in one hand and purse, beverage and utensils in another, I expectantly looked to these casual men and waited for chivalry that never arrived. Starving, I plopped myself down on the floor and put my plate on a low coffee table. I decided to eat as fast as possible and then find my daughter to see if I had more social luck with the 9 year-olds. As soon as I sat down, a well-dressed, bald and seemingly nice gentleman arranged himself on the floor with his plate of food right next to me. Almost immediately, the entire room of men who had just been ignoring me had turned to stare and suddenly the rudeness I had encountered when nobody offered me a seat turned into the rudeness of men leaning over me and my food to talk to the man next to me. After a few minutes of this behavior, I turned to my floor table companion and said loudly enough for the whole room to hear, something to the effect of “Who are you? These men are actually getting their ties in my food to talk to you and I’m not exactly chopped liver.” This guy proceeded to lean all the way back, laid out on the floor laughing in response, and then sat up, extended his hand, and said “My name is Jeff Bezos and I think they’re all talking to me because I own a company called Amazon.” My immediate reaction as an avid book reader from a very young age was to yell out the remarkably witty and original phrase “I love Amazon!!!” I introduced myself and then as soon as I told him my name I had a horrifying realization come over me and I blurted out “But please don’t look at my order history, I’m going through a bit of an embarrassing self-help phase.” This comment was also greeted with a full floor-level belly laugh and I knew that this person was now forever going to be one of my favorite, down-to-earth people. I never won over that room of men, and I must say they were not particularly pleased that I had interrupted their moment with the soon-to-be richest man in the world, but I had such a great time talking to him that he turned a really boring party experience into one of my best party anecdotes. So, in honor of this moment, below are a list of a few of those books that would have been in my cart had he actually looked into my order history, which I’m sure, given how nice he was, he absolutely did not.
Penny has to be my number one for many reasons. This was one of the first books I found when I started looking more inward in 2006. Having spent the 7 years before this book restarting my life and building a new business in LA while raising a young daughter, I had finally reached a level of success and financial freedom that I thought would make everything perfect. Life had other plans, all I had really done was opened up space to face some old issues and grow into the adult life I had accidentally built in my 20's.
Because of my proper religious upbringing, previous attempts to delve into books about “The Universe” or authors channeling spiritual mediums or downloads from aliens had been too out there for me. Penny uses some very basic laws of physics and how energy relates to everything to really help you take a larger view of how things occur universally when it feels like life is personally attacking you. It was the first time I learned the concept of life doing things FOR you rather than TO you. She also has exercises at the end of each chapter to help you take the concepts into every day life, something a lot of these books should really do. If you need your woo-woo spirituality with a dose of science but also want to enjoy reading it without trying to decipher the periodic table of the elements, this is your book. She wrote a trilogy of books in this series, and even though I recommend all of them, I also especially enjoyed her second book, a workbook called The Intuitive Way, if you want to tap into your gut and how to decipher what it’s trying to tell you using a lot of helpful exercises.
“Not only do you live in a world that oscillates in and out of form, where there are unlimited potential realities evolving simultaneously, where everything is vibrating and waves of energy are traveling in every direction, but inside your body, in the microcosm of your personal life, you’re vibrating as well.”
This little tiny tome is hands down the book every single person needs to read. At less than half the size of a normal book and at only 100 pages, you have no excuse. Stuart takes the concept of ‘Never Complain, Never Explain’ to great, new heights. If you regularly find yourself leaving dates wishing you wouldn’t have told the person about your childhood chicken pox outbreak on the roof of your mouth and can’t understand why you feel the need to constantly fill silence with nonsense, order immediately. One of the greatest lessons I learned from this book is that chiming in with your similar experience when someone else is telling a story is massively insecure and annoying. Even if you feel like you’re sharing an anecdotal moment with someone, you’re not.
"If they talk about their trip to France and you lived in France for 20 years, don’t mention it. Just listen to them… By doing so, you exhibit solidity and strength of character. It also allows others to feel supported by your presence, which grants you silent charisma-silent power.”
I regularly order multiple copies and carry one around with me to give to people since I had an interesting experience at the Cannes Film Festival in France. I met the right hand of a very famous Billionaire, (and a former president’s best friend) when I took a series of meetings with his boss and him on behalf of a client. He was young, very handsome, and incredibly intelligent. Maybe because I was about 10 years older than him he felt like he could confess to me later that night at dinner with a large group that he always felt out of place around all the staggeringly beautiful models and wealthy entrepreneurs. He mentioned that he goes home at night asking himself why he doesn’t talk and thinking how stupid he must appear to these people. I told him women like that were used to men constantly trying to impress them and that his “Silent Power” was absolutely his best asset. I checked out the next day and knew he was staying on, so I left him my copy of this book at the front desk of the Hotel Du Cap with a note. He has always remembered this and to this day we have a special rapport. He has since gone on to become a monster businessman in his own right, and he still has the allure of a man of few words.
This one might surprise you and definitely doesn’t fall into the spirituality category on any level. That being said, if you’re spending a lot of time in the self-help world, this offers a little balance and a lot of fun. Robert Greene has perfected the art of historical storytelling related to modern times and this book is especially gorgeous with the light purple margin notes. All of his books are such incredible reads, and his grasp of human nature is practically clairvoyant, but I keep coming back to this one time and time again. Who doesn’t love to be seduced? Who doesn’t have some hot friend or co-worker that seems unobtainable and could use a little coaching? Although some of the things he dissects have a little ick on them and are heavy on the manipulation, its absolutely a walk on the wild side that can be much needed when you’re oversaturated with goody-two-shoeness. It can get a little boring trying to be nice all the time and Robert absolutely has a blast bringing out the naughty inner seductress and seducer in his readers. He even leans into how machiavellian it all is with practical warnings of how these attempts could possibly backfire and with a list of descriptions to recognize people who are anti-seducers and the chronically un-seduceable. If your pandemic love life has been wearing sweatpants for way too long now, crack this one and see if the story of how Cleopatra, the Duke de Richelieu, or Marlene Dietrich got down doesn’t inspire you to mix it up a little.
“The ideal lover is rare in the modern world, for the role takes effort. You will have to focus intensely on the other person, fathom what she is missing, what he is disappointed by. People will often reveal this in subtle ways: through gesture, tone of voice, a look in the eye. By seeming to be what they lack, you will fit their ideal.”
Rock bottom, meet your book. I have had this book in my possession for over a decade and I may not have ever fully read it. I haven’t been able to mentally comprehend everything that this book is attempting to convey and I have also never read it linearly. This is a book for the especially tough times. This isn’t a manifesting a new business book or a rainy afternoon uplifting read, this is a sobbing in your bathtub, complete heartbreak, total surrender type of book. Use this book when you look around you and don’t recognize where you are or can’t fathom how to survive what you’re going through. If you find yourself on the receiving end (or God forbid the perpetrator) of massive betrayal, premeditated sabotage, addiction, cheating, theft, or pathological lying, this may be one of the few ways to keep your soul intact and honor yourself for loving them rather than hating them for hurting you. On the positive side, if you’re ready to commit to the concept that your actions always effect the whole, take part in creating world peace and accept that all beings’ true purpose is to connect rather then separate, this is your new read.
This one has been my constant resource for the last few months when 2020 decided to especially kick my teeth down my throat. Every time I open it, I know I’m about to take responsibility for exactly where I am, accept that I created the situation intentionally, and that I’m going to have to shift how I think about everything I thought I knew in a massively different way if I’m going to survive. This is truly the Fibonacci Sequence of radical life acceptance with some of the most unique and beautiful ways to reframe hurtful actions from people you love the most, and why it’s happening. If you haven’t read a book recently where you didn’t feel a sensation of been there done that, then you’re ready to take what you already know and jump to the next level. If you can get past judging the fact that someone channelled this from a being called Rasha, you’re in for a new way to deal with life’s toughest challenges written absolutely brilliantly without an unnecessary word. My copy is now highlighted to almost near complete pink pages, and I still find phrases and concepts that have eluded me on previous reads. I share this book with only certain people, and usually the ones who strike me as the most lost but the most willing to try anything.
“The gift in such a relationship is to recognize the Godliness in the adversarial role, to recognize the Godliness in one’s own reaction of diminished vibration, and to allow the love that truly exists at the higher level between these individuals to surface and grow. For, each one has been cast in the given role by choice. And each has the opportunity to transcend the drama and learn the lesson by choice. One is able to recognize the completion of certain life theme interactions with key individuals when one can, in all honesty with oneself, recognize a heartfelt wish of well-being for the individual who played perhaps the most injurious role in one’s lifetime.”
I have always loved the idea that “worrying is a reverse prayer” and I especially love this book more for its adherence to traditional spirituality than for the uniqueness of its message. Prayer has been proven to be an incredibly effective tool for miracles. If you ever spent any time in church or studied the Bible, this is a great book for you. Even though he originally wrote this in 1963, Dr. Joseph Murphy manages to bring some very enlightened concepts on how to change your thoughts, and by that effect, change your life, to traditional scriptures. This is like a very powerful and effective sermon that’s a little more Kanye and a little less Pat Robertson. There’s a reason why the bible has been the most read book since forever and its rare to see a new take on it in the “New Age” section. This would be a great starter book for anyone who wants to check out some less-traditional concepts without losing their religion. It is also just an all around amazing book with powerful tools to retrain how you think while you learn some of the brain’s mechanics. I usually like to do a quick 10–15 minutes in bed right before I plan to hand the day off to my subconscious as a conscious way to program it towards my best interests. Another book I haven’t been able to read linearly and have never fully committed to reading by itself-more as a companion to some of my other more modern books.
“When fear comes in, it is the Divine Self in you telling you that there is something wonderful waiting to come into your experience. It means the end of the old condition, and the birth of the new. God never deserts his creation, he cares for them and loves them, He is the life principle within them, and God loves to manifest Himself through all men. That is why you have Divine impulses and the reason why you want to conquer, explore, sing, and dance, because it is God seeking to express beauty, harmony, rhythm, and wisdom through you.”
I grew up with horses my entire life, but until I watched my daughter overcome a learning disability after putting her on a horse, I had never thought of them in any other way than pets or sport. Like a lot of books on this list, Equine Therapy was a far-out concept until I investigated it with an open mind. By chance, I had the luck of choosing an EAGALA training with Mark at his farm in North Carolina, without knowing anything about him. It was just the closest training to my location in NYC at the time. I had already done my level one training elsewhere and this was such an incredible experience so far beyond what I thought I had learned that I immediately bought his book when it came out. Mark works with some of the most difficult and challenging cases while still managing to be caring and uplifting. Being able to read this book and know first-hand what it is like to work with him and the real stars of his book, the horses in his barn, has made this a permanent go-to gift for everyone on my list. I have given this away almost as many times as Silent Power. Since I still volunteer weekly with programs that offer this alternative support, I often have people ask me what exactly is equine therapy and how does it work and I always point them in this direction. Unlike other books on the subject, Mark uses real anecdotes from real sessions with clients to illustrate “how” this works. I use quotations on the how because just like we can conceptualize how the sun rises and sets, I’m not sure the magic of horses can be perfectly explained in human terms. If you’ve read this far into this list, you’ve probably done your fair share of therapy and if it hasn’t clicked for you yet, give this a shot. PTSD and childhood trauma have a totally new couch to sit on here and these amazing animals access a different way to treat, without ever saying a word. There are tons of programs nationwide and it is generally more inexpensive than traditional therapy and oftentimes covered by donations if the provider is a 501c3.
“Horses can intervene with clients in ways we never could. There are multiple cases of clients finally coming to an understanding of their behavior only because of the horse’s clear and definite feedback. Clients can learn from their horse’s response — including the consequences of ignoring them. Because their interaction is taking place in a real-time, experiential setting, the client can further experiment with and adjust his or her behavior until achieving the desired response from the horse.”
Hopefully something on this list helps someone as much as all these books have helped me. Happy New Year.