The Simplicity and Complexity of Relationships Part 1
One day all is good and the next….
Before we begin. It is hard for me to write about relationships. It is a sensitive and intimate topic.
It was a warm August afternoon in Hungary. I remember the street. I can visualize the interior of the place where we went to play billiards. My uncle invited me. I remember the black dress I was wearing. It was my favorite little black dress. I remember the warmth of the air, and the smell of summer invading my being. I love summer evenings.
I went to this place unknowingly what was I getting myself into? Yes, I did. When I was young I was excited that my uncle invited me to this gathering. Did not even think twice about it. I wanted to go.
I went to a get-together where I met a young man. He seemed to like me and I liked him. I had limited experience in relationships during that time I mostly focused on nursing school. I did have some relationships and none of them were super serious or lasted long. I was 17. He was 8 years older than me. Of course, I did not know that during that time neither did I care.
When I like someone I do not care how old they are. Do you? Many people do.
This relationship ended up being a long one. 23 years of my life. Now it is part of my past. All that remains are memories and of course my beautiful children. Some good memories and some bad. Toward the end not so good. Interestingly, it feels like this was another life. Something that happened a long time ago and it is an almost surreal feeling.
I remember so many feelings that I am not ready to share yet.
It is like a chapter in a book that now it is over. A new chapter begins.
Yet, there is that residual knowledge and experience of 23 years.
The classic girl meets boy what I thought when I was growing up. I did not think much of it. I liked someone or not and they liked me or not. Knowing what I know now I would love to go back and tell my younger self what are the components of a good relationship. I hope that I would listen to my older self.
Well unless time travel is invented…
Growing up in Hungary a typical household would be a man and a woman and kids when they arrived. Women were doing all or most of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Then, things started to change most households needed two incomes to pay bills. Women had to work more and more and still had the responsibilities of cooking cleaning and taking care of the children. There are of course exceptions. Each family unit is unique. As long as I had known my mother she always worked. I did know many other families where the women stayed home.
And …you are supposed to look pretty as well, of course, all fresh and beautiful for your partner. You needed to look desirable. You needed to have a perfect weight… and nice clothes, makeup and so forth.
How long a person can keep that up?
I tried for a long time and at some point, things did not work anymore. At some point, there is a magical line in the sand. When that is crossed there is no way back.
This is the beginning of my story….more will come to explore relationships and things I have learned in my life experience of being in relationships.
I hope you enjoyed this story,
Gabriella
Thank you for reading, and please let me know your thoughts.
Thank you Libby Shively McAvoy for your relationship column in Dancing Elephants Press and for providing a kind heart and space for this vulnerable topic.
