The Silk Trap. A Novel in 43 Chapters
Chapter 27: Michel crumbles
Michel woke up to a horrible dream.
In his dream, Michel decided to go running in the forest around the hotel. He found this old abandoned train track that was flat and felt like a clear place to run. But suddenly, in the distance, he hears a train approaching.
As a precaution, he decides to get off the tracks to let the train pass. But he somehow can’t get off the tracks. He feels he has become stuck to the tracks. …he cannot get off the tracks. The only thing he can do is run faster. So he does. He starts to run faster and faster and faster while the sound of the train gets louder and louder and louder…until the train is right behind him and blares its pressure horn so hard that it makes him fly off the tracks and land in the forest. And the train rushes past him as he lies in the shrub.
Michel got out of bed and checked his watch. 7 pm. He’s been sleeping since 10 am! He looked at himself in the mirror and saw his haggard face now pronounced with dark circles around his eyes. He checked his phone to see if Lara has written to him by any chance. He calls Lara as he has been doing routinely every 1 hour to get the same voicemail to come on. He is hungry but can’t eat. He has a quick shower and decides to walk around the hotel in the old village. Jebel was an old medieval town that survived the second world war and the Russian invasions and therefore littered with old buildings and churches from the 17th century.
He enters one of the old churches in the main square and sees it small and quiet, with a few candles burning near the altar. Besides a few old ladies and men walking in and out, it was empty. Michel thought back to the last time he had come to a church. It was more than a decade ago when his mother had told him that she was divorcing his dad. That was the day he had gone into the church and cursed God for giving him such pain and misery, and he had sworn that he would never go inside a church again. But today, it felt different. It felt as if Michel needed a place to go and seek solace and help.
He sat down and listened to the silent shuffling of feet and mummers of people chanting or praying at the altar. Suddenly he felt a crack inside him. Like something gave way.
Like a wall suddenly collapsed inside his heart, and he started to cry. He had not cried in his living memory. He might have shed a few tears of anger and frustration and pain, but this was different. He cried for loss. He cried for the loss of the love of his life. He cried because, for the first time in his life, he felt the pain of the death of a loved one. He cried for Lara. He cried for the loss of Lara and himself being in love. He cried for the death of hope. He cried because he felt alone for the first time in his life. He could not stop crying. The tears kept flowing. All he could hear his mind say was, “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry for letting you down, Lara. I am sorry for not being able to protect you. I am sorry I was not there when you needed me. I am sorry that I put your life in danger. I am sorry.”
He looked up at the altar in front of him, and for the first time in his life, he wanted to pray. Pray for forgiveness. Pray for help. Pray for hope. He knelt from the chair he was sitting on, went down on his knees, folded his hands, put his head on the pew, and kept crying. The tears ran down his face, and he started to wet his shirt, He kept sniffling, but his nose was dripping as well. He was in a state. Luckily there were very few people in the church to notice his despair.
But slowly, Michel noticed a subtle shift starting to occur in his mind. The words and his thoughts started to change. Gratitude had replaced the remorse and the regret. `Thank you became a predominant word that kept echoing in the tear swept chambers of his mind. The mind now felt purified to commence a new chapter. He kept crying, but now he was grateful. Grateful for being alive and here with Lara. Grateful that he knew that Lara was close by somewhere. Grateful that he had the strength and the courage to keep looking for her until he found her. There seemed a new hope that got kindled in his heart while he cried.
The flood of tears had started to ebb. Then suddenly, Michel felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see an older man standing next to him with a few tissues in hand. He offered the tissues to Michel and said, “If you keep crying like this, you might drown in your tears.” His smiling kind eyes looked at him with love from behind their black-rimmed frame.
“Can I sit here next to you?” He asked.
“Sure,” replied Michel taking the tissue and still sniffling.
Michel pushed himself off his knees and sat back into the pew. The man was in his late 60’s and had soft white wisps of hair falling over his forehead, and he wore a light blue jacket and trousers and a crisp white shirt tucked into his trousers. He was stockily built and of medium height.
“Thank you for the tissues. I needed them quite badly”, said Michel as he smiled at his tissue gifting friend. “My name is Michel,” said Michel as he extended his hand out towards the man. The man put out his left hand and shook Michel’s right hand. “Artur. Artur Svoboda, nice to meet you, Mr. crying Michel”, he replied, smiling again, showing his perfect set of white teeth.
Michel noticed that he was missing his right hand. Artur looked down at his right hand and said, “Oh, yes, I lost it somewhere in Afganistan about 10 years ago. I filed a report and even offered a reward if someone could find it. But nothing so far. But they gave me a war hero medal as a replacement.” Artur said, still smiling at Michel. “I am ex-army, and I fought the Taliban in Afghanistan while working for the UN,” Artur clarified further the cause of his handicap.
Michel loved Artur’s sense of self-deprecating humor. “Happy to meet you, Artur. Hope you find it back soon.” Michel smiled and replied as he firmly shook Artur’s left hand.
“I saw you at the Jebel Hotel this morning,” Artur said, looking inquisitively at Michel.
“Yes, I have just checked in. Are you staying there as well?” Michel looked surprised at the question.
“No. I work there. I am a porter in the hotel. They gave me a job after I left the army. I saw you in the lift going up to your room. Would you like to have a beer ?” Artur asked as he lightly touched Michel on his shoulders.
