The Silent Epidemic: Understanding Loneliness and Its Impact on Physical and Mental Health

Loneliness is a complex emotion that we have all felt at some time or another. There are various conditions and scenarios that can put us in the mindset to feel loneliness. The word ‘LONELINESS’ implies the condition of being ‘ALONE’. And it can be confusing to understand why we are feeling alone when there are perfectly good people around to talk to and keep us company.

I believe it is imperative for each individual to deeply reflect on the reason for their feelings of loneliness so that it may be resolved.

I know for myself there have been many times when ‘loneliness’ is the loose label put on a feeling, that with more reflection and analyzing I find is more the need to connect with other humans on a deeper level than what I am experiencing.

I am a person that loves my alone time. Interestingly, I never feel alone when I am physically alone. At these times I have time to reflect, create, process my feelings about situations, write, take pictures, hunt for herbs, read, etc. I recently spent 9 days alone. I saw other humans, about two minutes out of that whole time, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I actually start feeling alone when I am around other people and don’t feel fulfilled emotionally. The analyzing of this is what inspired the writing of this article.

The typical and textbook reasons for feelings of loneliness are things like social isolation, lack of companionship, or perceived social rejection. But feeling lonely when surrounded by people is common among many individuals. There are several factor that can cause this.

1. Lack of Connection: Even when surrounded by others, if an individual does not feel emotionally connected to those around them, they may still feel lonely.
2. Social Anxiety: Individuals with social anxiety may experience feeling of loneliness even when in social situations due to their fear of rejection or criticism.
3. Communication Barriers: If an individual has difficulty communicating or expressing themselves, they may not be able to form meaningful connections with those around them, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
4. High Standards: Some individuals may have high expectations for the quality of their social interactions, and if those expectations are not met, they may feel disconnected and lonely.

Per an article entitled “Loneliness Matters, A Theoretical and Emperical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms” written by Dr. Hawkley and Dr. Cacioppo. Loneliness has been found to be associated with changes in brain structure and and function, including alterations in the activity of certain neurotransmitters and hormones that are involved in regulating mood, stress, and social behavior.

Research suggests that chronic loneliness can have negative effects on physical and mental health, including increased risk of cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline. It can also lead to behaviors that further isolate individuals, such as avoiding social situations or engaging in unhealthy habits like substance abuse.

To combat loneliness, there are several evidence based interventions that can be helpful. These include:

1. Building and maintaining social connections: This can involve reaching out to friends and family, joining social groups or clubs, or volunteering in the community. These are great ways to meet new people, make friends and connect with others with shared interests.

2. Practicing self-care: Be patient, kind and compassionate with yourself. Engaging in activities that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as meditation, and hobbies, that can help boost mood and reduce feelings of loneliness. Remind yourself that this feeling will not last forever.

3. Get regular exercise: Exercise has been shown to boost mood and reduce feelings of loneliness. Even taking a short walk outside can improve feelings of wellbeing.

4. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude: Focusing on the positive aspects of your life and expressing gratitude for the good things you have. This exercise can help shift your mindset and improve your overall well-being.

5. Seeking professional support: If feelings of loneliness are not resolved by your own tactics, working with a therapist or counselor can provide tools and strategies for coping with loneliness, improving communication skills, and building self-esteem.

Remember that loneliness is a common experience, and it is important to reach out for help and support when needed.

Now, with all of that said, It is important for mental health to really get to the bottom of why one feels lonely, and not just distract themselves ten ways to Sunday trying desperately escape thinking and feeling. That is an issue within itself.

I have an interesting example of a person who uses the techniques listed above, and yet still leads an extremely lonely life. That is ….. all except number 5, seeking professional help.

I have the opportunity to frequently observe this individual who is a classic example of a person that is lonely. He works a full time job, goes to school part time, goes to the gym every morning before work. He gets approximately 5 hours of sleep per night. During the week when he comes home from work, he immediately turns loud, fast music on, makes a big production of cooking dinner, ( even if dinner has already been prepared- he will not eat anyone else’s cooking). Then he does homework for a couple of hours, before retiring to sleep for the night, all the while barely saying two words to his wife and child. On the weekends, he wakes up early, drives 28 miles to town to “get a coffee”, comes home, hurries his family to get ready so that they can go to town, ( yes, after already making the long trip to town for coffee). When they return home, he plays VR for a few hours. Even though “they have”, which means his wife has a farm and land to roam and play, he insists on leaving, going to a park or whatever he can come up with to stay busy. He stays so busy as not to connect with anyone, or have any down time what so ever.

My point about this is that loneliness within and of itself is not just fixed by applying some techniques to distract oneself from this symptom.

There is an underlying reason that must be discovered in order to heal emotionally and mentally.

In the example above, this individual was very, very lonely as a child, his life was structured, but neglected emotionally. I had a conversation once with his mother, where she admitted that even as a newborn baby she could not stand the sound of his breathing and put him off in another room and shut the door. She did not nurse him, and at 6 weeks old, sent him off to a babysitter everyday until he was old enough to go to day-care , then pre-school, then kindergarten, then public school that became the stability and constant in his life. He was not nurtured emotionally, his father was a tyrant. When he was a young teen-ager, he became a drug addict, not long after graduating high-school he was arrested for illegal sale of narcotics and some gun charges. He emerged from this hell with multiple felonies.

Approximately 10 years later he was successful in getting himself off of Suboxone, which had been court ordered until this time. Sad story — yes. But it doesn’t change the fact that he will always be damaged emotionally. He will always feel lonely, most likely that is, unless he were to get help, which he refuses to do. He refuses to get help because he is too busy desperately staying so busy that he does not have to deal with the reality in his own head.

In conclusion, it has been my observation that getting to know oneself is the only real fix, then that's great to add in all of those creative and wonderful ideas such as making friends and getting exercise, etc.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” Socrates