Illness | Grief | Money | Addiction

The Shock I Felt When Looking Through My Wife’s Credit Card Statements After She Died

Maybe it was better that I found out later

Jane enjoyed playing games on her iPod touch, so I bought her an iPad for Christmas 2011. I still remember picking it up from PC World.

When I told the young staff member it was a gift for my wife, his reaction made me wonder if I’d gone over the top. It was more expensive than our usual Christmas gifts, but I wanted Jane to have some fun.

Deep down, I knew time was not on our side.

I felt slightly tearful as I carried the iPad to my car, wondering how many more years she would be around to celebrate Christmas. As it turned out, the following one in 2012 would be her last.

Over the years, Jane had often enjoyed a few casual video games, but her interest increased during her illness, and she spent a lot of time playing games such as Bejeweled and Hay Day.

I have to admit there were times when it got on my nerves because her gaming sometimes got in the way of our conversations.

Thankfully, those occasions were not too frequent.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013.

After a few weeks, a letter from Barclaycard advised me to find and cancel any recurring payments Jane might have had.

Jane passed away in June 2013, and it was the hardest time of my life.

After three years of caring for her at the end of our 21 years together, there was suddenly a huge void.

I still had our two children to take care of, and they certainly kept me busy. But I no longer had all the hospital appointments, doctors, and prescriptions to deal with. And I didn’t have to do things like helping Jane in the bath and shower.

Looking back, I was numb during those early weeks after Jane’s death, so I kept myself as busy as possible.

The quiet moments were the hardest, so I threw myself into dealing with all the legal and practical matters.

I made spreadsheets and lists, and kept checking off small and large tasks. It helped me to cope.

It still wasn’t easy, but it was a little easier.

Perhaps it’s normal to use a solicitor for many of the tasks, but I wanted to do as much as possible myself. And I did.

Some banks insisted probate was required, but I checked the rules and found it was not. So I pushed back.

Although we had a couple of shared bank accounts, most of them were separate and I never used to look at Jane’s statements.

After a few weeks, a letter from Barclaycard advised me to find and cancel any recurring payments Jane might have had.

I was in for a shock.

I saw that she’d spent over £500 in 12 months on the iTunes store!

Most of the purchases were add-ons for games like Hay Day.

I knew she’d bought a few things on the App Store, but I didn’t realise it was quite so much.

It took me a day or two to get over the shock of her hiding all that spending from me.

Then I thought:

“Would it have made any difference if I’d known at the time?”

During Jane’s illness, her spending was higher than normal in general.

She filled the house with enough craft materials to last a decade and bought toys that she missed out on during childhood, such as dolls and Lego kits.

Even though our funds were limited, her time was even more limited, so I would not have had the heart to try and stop her.

I don’t think Jane kept track of her App Store spending, so in a sense, she wasn’t really hiding it from me.

And even though she spent the equivalent of five months' worth of energy bills in the App Store, the craft supplies and toys likely cost even more.

Perhaps it was better that I did not know at the time because I would have felt bad later if I’d grumbled to her about it.

Thanks for reading! 💛 Alan

🔗 Follow-up piece: You Can’t Cover a 21-Year Relationship and a 3-Year Illness in a 700-Word Story