Brain Disorder Art
The Shaky Pen
Abstract Cartooning but with a Twist
All drawings are by the author.
I love my art! I believe it is influenced by my brain disorder, epilepsy. I have had grand mal seizures for more than 50 years. During that time, I watched my art evolve into the madness before you.
My cartoons reflect the trials and tribulations I have endured while battling this disease. The moment I was told I had just had an epileptic seizure it felt as if my life was over. I was sure nothing in this world would ever be okay again.
I learned to adapt, transform, and reinvent myself. It took years filled with agonizing disappointment, trying to get my seizures under control. In the meantime, the beast from hell rolled over me like a train, leaving each recovery harder and more painful.
My seizures are extremely volatile. With all the head-bashing my poor little brain gets banged around a lot making concussions part of the fun.
I have had hellacious headaches lasting for days after dancing with the monster. This drawing is for all those who have dealt with the beast’s cruelty and can relate to the pain.
Waking up after a seizure is awful. It’s called the Postictal phase of a grand mal doozy. Consciousness comes gradually, as does the pain you are waking up in.
Each awakening reveals one more injury of self-inflicted damage. My tongue is the first to let me know what has just happened and how brutal I have been.
It can take up to 30 minutes to wake up and be able to walk. If I am at home and not already in my bedroom, it will be the next stop.
If I am out in public and no one calls an ambulance, then it can take an hour or so before getting me home and into bed.
If someone decides to call the hospital taxi, (an ambulance), then several hours will go by before getting home. Even worse, it costs me hundreds if not thousands of dollars because of their concern.
I can appreciate bystanders wanting to do the right thing but — Damn!
I love this drawing because it is the perfect picture of phase one of a grand mal seizure, the Aura. It is also known as brain fog, spacy, or dazed. This is where the ability to comprehend simple questions is impossible.
The scary part for me is my aura never lies. If I have one in the morning, I know sooner or later in the day the monster will visit. There are times I try to deny the inevitable but to no avail.
The best I can do when I feel an aura is to get prepared. I usually inform my wife if she is home, take an extra dose of meds, crawl into bed, and wait for the ugliness to begin.
I learned a long time ago using cannabis to prevent any unwanted visits from the monster was futile. Although, the herb did have its purposes. The healing process with a little buzz for the pain has been a lifesaver for me all these years.
Before my discovery of medicinal weed, I was told to take a couple of Aspirin after a seizure and get some sleep. Aspirin doesn’t do a thing after a grand Mal. Give me a couple of tokes and a cozy bed to sleep in for about 48 to 72 hours, then I will be fine.
Marijuana, whether in the THC form or the CBD form is a gift from God. Politicians against Cannabis without any knowledge of its potential to do good — Suck the Big One!
Cannabis is benefitting children who suffer from epilepsy the most. Washington needs to allow good to be done and for the naysayers to get the hell out of the way.
People who have a seizure disorder, usually have triggers that can kick-start an episode. My two biggies are lack of sleep and stress.
Now retired, my sleeping habits are pretty regular. The stress factor is a little different. We all know how hard the pressures of life are, getting older doesn’t make things any easier.
In the last fifty years, I had to find ways to combat worry so I could live a halfway-normal existence. The best way I found was to just say “Fuck it! This too shall pass”, regardless of the situation.
Most of the time, this strategy works enough to keep the monster away from knocking on my front door.
The self-portrait of the monster within me looks exactly like the character above. This drawing is what I see when staring into the mirror freshly after a convulsive episode.
Completely fucked up and sore is what I feel an hour after a seizure. The odd thing is my sex drive is also stimulated at this time for some bizarre reason.
I told my doctor about this sensation. He looked at me as if I had horns growing out of my head. At first, I thought he was going to say it was a normal phenomenon. Instead, he just said I shouldn’t worry about it too much.
Who's worried? I just thought it was weird. My wife also thought it was a bit strange the first time she attempted to nurse her horny hubby back to health.
I’m thinking about writing an article with the title, “Sex, Seizures, and Rock & Roll.” What do you think?
In completion, I would like to say to all my followers and readers, thank you for your support. The three things I love to do most in this world are dance, writing, and drawing. Oh, and have sex after a seizure. Here on Medium, I can share two of my favorite things.
Love, Peace, and Unconditional Happiness, Mikel
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