The Sex Act You’ve Never Heard Of That’s Haunted Queer Women For Centuries
Ironically, 99% of all humans have had sex this way regardless of their sexual orientation.
Tribadism, or dry humping, is one of the first sex acts that humans gravitate towards as kids. Providing our younger selves with the first delicious taste of sexual stimulation. I know of many people who began their sexual journey by practicing tribadism with a pillow or stuffed animal. I even know a Dominatrix whose submissive begs to rub his erection against a bedpost while she watches; tribadism mixed with voyeurism is his cocktail to achieve orgasm.
Regardless of one’s gender identity, tribadism can be a satisfying and empowering sex act.
One beauty of dry humping is how we can enjoy it no matter what our relationship status is. Plus, dry humping can be satisfying while still wearing clothing, which makes it one of the safest sexual practices for two humans to indulge in together. Though my favorite thing about tribadism is that, regardless of your gender identity, it’s a satisfying and empowering sex act.
While the term tribadism has become synonymous with lesbian sex and tribbing (also known as scissoring) I’ve yet to meet a human that doesn’t enjoy a nice hump and rub — with the exception of asexual individuals, of course. To me, tribadism is an equal opportunity word that references dry humping in all its forms.
Then, I discovered that this neutral term has a very homophobic history.
Despite what you may find on Google or Wikipedia, it’s careless to assume that tribadism originated as a definition of lesbianism or a sex act synonymous with lesbian sex.
Tribadism comes from the Greek word tribo which means to rub. As far as I can tell as a sexuality scholar, the Ancient Greco-Roman’s used this term pretty liberally. It’s widely known that the Ancient Greeks and Romans were far less sexually inhibited than we are today. There were even military leaders, like Alexander The Great, who were famous for their fluid sexuality.
British historian and specialist in Roman cultural history, Catherine Edwards, has written several books on how “unlimited sexual license” was characteristic of ancient Rome. Additionally, renowned queer scholar Jack Halberstam confirms that it’s dangerous to assume that the ancient Greeks or Romans linked tribadism strictly to the erotic rubbing of two vulvas.
“There was no established terminology in the ancient world specifically designating same-gender erotic acts between women.”
— Jack Halberstam, Female Masculinity
I happen to agree with this logic. It seems a bit off-brand that a sexually liberal culture would invent this term with the intention of singling out two women who want to rub their vulvas together. What seems far more likely is that tribo was a way to describe erotic rubbing or dry humping. Sometimes that erotic rubbing was referring to two women, solo masturbation, or other ways humans enjoy sexual stimulation.
This general understanding shifted with the rise of Christianity when tribadism became specifically linked to one sexual orientation and one sex act. By the Middle Ages, tribadism took on a whole new meaning. It only referred to two women engaging in a “forbidden” and “obscene” sexual activity. It was assumed that this “obscene” act (today referred to as scissoring) was the result of two women trying to mimic heterosexual penetration.
Worse still, the term tribas morphed into an extremely vulgar term for a lesbian.
Fast forward to 1843, when “A Greek-English Lexicon” was published by two Oxford Scholars.
For those that aren’t familiar, “lexicon” is a fancy word for a dictionary and this dictionary was so popular that it would be revised and republished nine times over the next century. Since the English language is deeply influenced by the Greco-Roman languages, the definitions in this lexicon were revered as the English language standard.
A Greek-English Lexicon defines tribadism as “a woman who practices unnatural vice with herself or with other women.”
That two Oxford scholars put this homophobic (and anti-masturbation) definition in writing was significant. The Oxford English Dictionary, to this day, is still widely considered “the principal historical dictionary of the English language.”
Despite the nine updated renditions of A Greek-English Lexicon, tribadism’s definition always remained the same. Thanks to the legitimacy that the name Oxford infers, tribadism was now exclusively linked to limiting women’s sexuality and spreading homophobia.
Today, if you search for the definition for Tribadism, it is not blatantly homophobic. However, it is heterosexist.
Tribadism: A lesbian practice in which one partner lies on top of the other and simulates the movements of the male in heterosexual intercourse.
Heterosexism a quiet type of discrimination leftover from unabashed homophobia. Like homophobia, heterosexism occurs due to prejudice against LGBTQ folks. Unlike homophobia, it’s often much less “in your face”.
What makes heterosexism different from homophobia is the assumption behind this type of sexism. Heterosexism assumes that heterosexuality is the normal sexual orientation. Which then assumes that all other sexual orientations are trying to mimic straight people and straight culture. As society evolved it stopped defining tribadism as something obscene or forbidden. Shifting instead to imply that women who date women simulate heterosexual intercourse.
Dry humping is one of the most equalizing sex acts there is. It doesn’t matter what your gender identity is, what exists between your legs, or what your sexual orientation is.
Unfortunately, queer women are always having to prove that our love is authentic. We are constantly having to explain that no one is “the man” in the relationship and frequently fend off unwanted advances from straight men who have been taught that women date women for male attention.
This is what makes definitions like these so sinister. Rather than validating queer relationships, this definition is endorsing the heterosexist idea that queer women would rather be having heterosexual sex. Scissoring is not a simulation of heterosexual intercourse. It isn’t fueled by a desire to “be a man”. It’s an organic way to dry hump if both partners happen to have a vulva or any body part for that matter.
Dry humping is one of the most equalizing sex acts there is. It doesn't matter what your gender identity is, what exists between your legs, or what your sexual orientation is. It doesn’t even matter if you are in a relationship. Dry humping is available to us all.
Words and definitions matter. They play a big role in how we understand sex and our sexuality.
It isn’t surprising that the definition of tribadism in 1843 was homophobic. It is discouraging that the current definition has barely moved from its homophobic roots.
Moreover, it’s a shame that tribadism can’t simply imply that two humans are about to dry hump — and leave all other identity categories at the door. Words describe and define social norms. They allow us to cultivate our identities, but they can also trap us in the limitations of the dominant cultures we interact with.
As a sexuality scholar, I am obsessed with words. How are we using them? What is their history? What did they mean 200, 600, or even one thousand years ago?
Words and definitions matter; they are historical artifacts that influence our minds.
No matter where you are in your journey of understanding your sexuality, keep an eye on the words being used. Words and definitions matter; they are historical artifacts that influence our minds and it’s healthy to question definitions or rework them. This practice helps us realize the biases we unconsciously inherited and break free of these limitations. Leading to a more satisfying and pleasurable life.
Nadège is a sex scholar who uses her knowledge to bring warmth to heavy topics.
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