Life Advice
The Serenity Prayer is Universal
This icon is a poem for anyone who struggles. No ‘belief’ is needed.
The Serenity Prayer has been a mainstay in my most significant and heartbreaking struggles.
Sometimes, one of the phrases is more helpful, and in other situations, yet another. But in the final analysis, the Serenity Prayer has to be taken as a whole.
This Prayer is all or nothing. Choosing one-third alone misses the point.
A Gift From Niebuhr
Reinhold Niebuhr wrote the Prayer for worship at Union Seminary in New York City. Niebuhr was known for his emphasis on the real world. Rereading the Prayer shows you that.
A Treasure for 12-Step Programs
The original version is longer than the crucial piece we use.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, his sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Even though one finds the Serenity Prayer in many different ways and places, Alcoholics Anonymous made it a cultural icon.
“The AA prayer was brought to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1940 by a group member who read it in an obituary in the newspaper. The group’s founder, Bill W., felt the Prayer was appropriate for AA members and had the Prayer printed on cards for members to use. It has now become a permanent fixture in AA literature.” https://alcoholicsanonymous.com/aa-serenity-prayer/
The Prayer for Everyone
AA and other 12-Step groups emphasize belief in a ‘higher power.’ They avoid defining what that means. Talks and literature inevitably say individuals decide for themselves.
As this applies to The Serenity Prayer, everyone can ‘pray’ it at the end of a meeting or display it on a wall without worry. No one needs to go to worship anywhere. Nothing requires one to believe in ‘God’ or any other divine being.
The Prayer is a simple set of phrases to ponder and absorb. It is up to you how that works.
1: To Accept The Things I Can Not Change
In the case of The Serenity Prayer, what looks easiest is the most difficult.
The first phrase doesn’t mean sitting back in your recliner and taking a nap. When you wake up, the same problems and issues confront you.
Accept is an active verb. Get things sorted. Could you put them in the proper perspective? Then, let them go.
Too hard, you say? Remember, this is a daunting task for any of us. Try this, get rid of only one or two annoyances or difficulties at a time.
At that point, use one of the tricks of the 12 Step programs. Make a list of your problems, along with why they are painful. Discuss them with a trusted friend.
Then burn the list or at least tear it up and toss it. If you do this, most problems melt away. Their power over you is gone.
2: Change The Things I Can
The next part depends on having done the first. If you worked it well, you have only a few issues left.
Choose the most painful thing. Get going on it in any small way you find.
It isn’t always clear what to do. It may even seem like this is something that you can’t change. But that stuff was on the first list.
Go on with patience. Most problems grew slowly, and now growth moves gradually. Something that bothers you takes a snail-like resolution. It doesn’t go away that easily.
It can be one step forward and two steps backward at times. So what? If change is going to happen, keep placing that foot in front of you.
You want to grow and be free, don’t you?
3: And The Wisdom To Know The Difference
Saved the best to last, did I? This final phrase makes me wonder how I did the previous two without looking here first.
Much of the time, I get stuck. I can’t do anything about this mess. When I let that happen, I stall the whole process.
What I need to do is come here and ask the question, do I know which is which?
Not always. That is critical. There is no way we can ever come close to perfection.
The picture of our emotional struggles constantly changes; what seemed pleasant before often turns to sadness or despair. You will understand this if you have a clock or a calendar.
To use a weathered cliche, it is like herding cats.
Can we ever even know the difference? Yes, but not without willingness and determination.
The Serenity Prayer is a Whole
I have tried to help us understand this great Prayer by looking at each phrase because we cannot pick it apart when we use it in our lives. It is all or nothing.
Whatever that really is, Serenity cannot be achieved with this iconic poem unless we apply the whole to our lives. Over and over.
Maybe there lies the answer. Use it as a daily meditation. Repeat it slowly, savoring its meaning.
Doing so would if nothing else, send great honor back to Niebuhr, who has honored us with it through the years.