The Sensational Recipe My Uncle Taught Me That I Can’t Remember How to Make
The lost recipe that’s driving me nuts
It was my night off. It was getting close to dinner time. My uncle Richard was sitting on the sofa. Instead of getting up to prepare our meal, he asked me to go to the stove. For the next hour, I followed Uncle Richard’s patient directions. I cooked one of our favorite chicken entrees. It was a chicken-in-a-bag recipe with a lot of steps.
My uncle was a sick man. He had all sorts of health problems and doctors had recently diagnosed cancer. Uncle Richard never told me where the cancer was; but after he died, I researched his symptoms. He had Pancreatic cancer.
I never had the chance to cook it again
Not too long after I cooked the meal, I had a stroke. I was still recovering when my uncle’s health took a turn for the worse. As I recovered, I became a caregiver. I was at the hospital and talking to Uncle Richard as he lay in his bed when he died.
My memory has never been good. It has been worse since the stroke and homelessness. I don’t know if it was the stroke or the trauma. It could be a little of everything, but I can’t remember the steps of the recipe or the ingredients.
I watched Uncle Richard make the dish dozens of times. I made it myself with his verbal instructions. It’s maddening that I can’t find the recipe online. It involved chicken thighs, stewed tomatoes, and jalapeno peppers. It also required a heaping spoon of flour as a thickener. and we ate it over white rice.
I don’t remember the steps or all the ingredients
The problem is that I’m not sure I’m remembering all the ingredients. I also don’t remember the cooking temperature and cook -time. My uncle also taught me how to make some killer spaghetti.
When I came down South I bragged to Olivia on how good my spaghetti was. I made it for her one night. It was okay, but it was missing something. I have no clue what I left out or did wrong. I have never made spaghetti again.
I don’t function like I did before, and it upsets me
It upsets me that for the last few years, I was in Florida and the two and a half years I was homeless in Minneapolis. messed me up the way that it did. I was functioning so well. I surpassed the expectations of my family and the other people who knew me.
I’m finding my way back. My confidence is growing every day. I don’t know why not remembering the recipe bothers me so much. It’s not like I’m not eating well, my wife is a wonderful cook.
It’s not about forgetting the recipe, it’s deeper than that
Losing the ability to make that recipe is a metaphor. It represents the loss of abilities and confidence I lost. The stroke the eviction and two-plus years of homelessness took it all away from me.
I try not to focus on the past and my mistakes, but it’s hard
Whenever I get down or negative, my wife always says, “ Don’t focus on that. She’s right, of course, but it’s hard not to beat myself up sometimes. I have learned to focus on the present. I’m a lot better and self-forgiveness. I have to pay attention to what I tell myself.
It’s true, I screwed up and lost a lot, but I came out alright. I have lots of time to write and build an online business and I have a wife who has my back. It’s all good, but I can’t help but wonder what might have been.
Final thought:
We all have regrets and we all have made mistakes and lost someone and something. The important thing is to focus on the present and build a future you can be proud of. The last piece of advice I have is that if someone is teaching you a complicated recipe, take notes.