The Secret to Surviving Lockdown Is … Routine

What? Were you expecting something more interesting?

Prologue: I’ve been reading lots of ‘while in lockdown …’ articles recently and learning as much as I can from other people, so I thought I’d share our approach which has been working pretty well. (So far, anyway!)

We, like so many others here in the UK, have just completed our first ten days ‘proper’ in lockdown. We’re a family of four, myself and my other half, and our two kids aged 13 and 11, living in a decent sized, but fairly typical, semi-detached house in Berkshire.

Actually, for us this is day 12 as we followed the government guidelines to stay in before they became compulsory. Being news junkies, we were ready pretty early on when it became clear where this thing was going.

Even so, we were realistic about the challenges ahead. We knew this was going to take some managing. We’re a family that naturally spends a lot of time together, but much of it is out on adventures, usually exploring somewhere we haven’t been. How would we fare knowing that the front door would be closed to us for several weeks at least?

After completing twelve straight days we are doing well, still living harmoniously, still doing the work that needs to be done and still finding time to play together as well as do our own projects. Is this because it’s only been a few days (in relative terms) or because we have found a system that works? I’d like to think it’s entirely because of the latter, but I suspect there may also be an element of the former.

So, what have we found that’s worked for us so far? And what can we learn for the weeks that will inevitably follow?

The ‘Kick off’ meeting

All meals are always taken at the table with all family members present and we’ve done that since the kids were born. I actually wrote an entire article about it some time ago that even explains the science behind why this is so important for good family balance. Yup, real provable science.

But just before this all started, we turned one particular meal time into a ‘kick off’ meeting involving the kids and agreeing everything in advance. We answered every question they had honestly (although at 11 and 13 they already had an excellent understanding) and didn’t hold back. They understood right from the start what was going to happen and what our responsibilities to society were going to be.

And then we asked for their help and input to shape how it would work.

Setting up the house

The dining room, a light and bright area which was the result of a recent extension, became ‘The War Room’, the garden ‘The Exercise Yard’ and the small utility area under the stairs where the dry goods are stored became ‘The Bunker’. Signs were made for all.

We had already done a weekly shop as it all began so we were reasonably well stocked, but we did a second with each meal planned before we left so there was enough for us to eat healthily for approximately 14 days without leaving the house at all if we had to. And no, we didn’t buy tons of toilet paper. We still don’t understand why people do that.

The rules, routines and timetables were added to the wall in the War Room.

Agreeing our rules and routines

Then, at the table, we created our routine and this is what we came up. It seemed workable and we’d find out later how it worked in practice.

On ‘school’ days, we would all get up at ‘normal’ time (well, OK, admittedly a little later because there was no travel involved), make our beds, have breakfast, do our teeth etc and be ready for exercises at 9am, using Joe Wicks’ 30 minutes live routine from his living room in London.

Lessons would then start at 9.45 and run to 3.45 like a normal school day following their normal timetables, with breaks and lunch included. While they did that, mum and dad would work in our respective home offices, meeting for lunch at about 1pm. Each day, we’d take it in turns to make lunch and clear up afterwards.

When the kids finish school, they would have their own time which, inevitably, would involve screens. However, the normal rules would still apply — a maximum of 90 minutes on a school day (3 hours on non school days) and nothing before 9am or after 7pm.

Dinner is around 6.30pm which would probably last 30–40 mins for a proper catch up, followed by a family activity (watching TV, playing a game etc), then bed for kids around 9pm and the rest of evening, probably until around midnight, for us adults.

At weekends, no getting up times are set, and everyone can use their time as they wish unless there’s a planned joint project going, which can be ‘work’ (such as big clean somewhere,) or ‘play’ which might be playing a board game together.

Whilst screen time would always remain limited, certain activities are always ‘free’ and can be done as much as the participant likes, such as Lego, models, gardening, reading, learning things, playing music, doing anything creative and so on.

Here’s what we ended up with:

In theory it sounded great and everyone signed up. But how has it worked after ten days?

The routine in practice

On the whole it has worked extremely well. So far, anyway.

Everyone has been up on time with no hassle, beds have (mostly) been made, teeth have (mostly) been done and exercises have now been completed for 10 days straight by all of us. Actually, it’s been years since I’ve done 30 minutes of exercise a day and, whilst I secretly hate doing it, I can’t deny I feel better and have actually lost a bit of weight.

The kids, though reluctant at first, have really excelled in this, making sure we’re all set up and ready to go in the morning. Not sure where they get their enthusiasm for exercise from, but it’s not from me.

The local school the kids attend is very progressive and all work is delivered and processed on iPads anyway even where they’re on site, so the transition to home schooling has been easier than most. They have just got on with it and only ask us for the occasional double check from time to time. Their teachers are online for support and it has to be said they have done an amazing job.

There have been a couple of subjects that have required our input and we have been doing this at the end of the day after our own work.

We have all taken it in turns to make lunch which has resulted in a wide and varied menu and we’ve stuck to timings so far.

Free time and evening meals have worked out well and no-one has had any trouble sleeping due to the exercise, routine and brain requirements. In fact, we’ve all been exhausted by the end of the day.

One interesting side effect is that the weekends really do feel like weekends, even though we’re not going anywhere. We noticed, however, that because we don’t have structure on those days, it’s all a bit haphazard and random. With school finishing this week and holidays about to start, it’s clear life without routine could be much harder if we don’t set something up.

We haven’t come up with a solution for that yet. Watch this space!

Other useful things that are working well

We talk a lot as a family, especially about what’s going on in the world. We try and encourage the kids to focus on the personal stories as well as the cold, hard numbers, reminding them (and ourselves) that each one represents a life of memories and moments lost for all time.

We take part in all the support activities we can, such as clapping for the NHS. My daughter found a recipe for making hand soap online and made some beautiful brightly colored bars using moulds and delivered them round the neighborhood to people she knew couldn’t get out with a lovely little note. We chat to our neighbors over fences and across driveways and this weekend will be hosting a virtual quiz.

At the same time, we constantly remind both the children and ourselves that we are living through unprecedented times, something that no generation alive has ever seen and, hopefully, will never see again. As difficult as it seems, there will come a time where the world will return to a new version of normal, and in years to come they can bore their own kids with stories that begin “During the lockdown …”

The lesson? Make the best of the situation we’re in.

I also resurrected an old video camera from the mid noughties in a cupboard and set it up as a video diary ‘Big Brother’ style. Anyone can use it at any time and record their thoughts as a ‘piece to camera’ or film something someone is doing, with the only rule that nothing is allowed to be deleted. When it’s all over, we’ll play it and see how we coped as time went on. Having it on one device means it’ll naturally flow in order.

There have also been a few rule changes. For example, we made an amendment to the screens rule early on that encourages the kids to stay in touch with their friends. Now, any time spent on Facetime or any other form of face to face contact does NOT count as part of their screen time. It’s lovely to hear them chat lazily as if they were in the same room as their friends as they find real-world games to play and activities to share on a remote basis. ‘Real World Uno’, where both participants have their own pack and pick the next card on camera, has become a firm favorite.

Finally, having something that is a continuous project also seems beneficial. For my daughter, it’s learning piano and sign language from courses she found online. For my son, it’s a massive Lego build of a scene from his favourite video game. Next week, when school ends, he and I have scheduled some hours in which to continue writing our book, a project that has been ongoing for a year or more, simply because we have not assigned the time correctly. Time, suddenly, is abundant. There are no more excuses.

Next week there is talk of online art and drama courses, but no decisions have been made as yet. However, there has been unanimous agreement that we should have an entirely slobby day in front of the TV with duvets, snacks and pajamas, morning to night, just because we can and haven’t done it yet.

After all, how often can we do our bit to save the world by sitting on a sofa?

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