The Secret To Realising Your Dreams

It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

One of my best friends texted last night, asking about my life and if I was still pursuing my dreams of being a writer. She hyped me up, calling me “badass” because I’ve been publishing my stories online for a while now. But she insisted. “Do you still work toward writing a novel?”

Yes, I write, every day. I don’t believe I’m a badass for publishing what I think is good enough, but it does take courage to share. And yes, I have ideas for novels, though I don’t sit down and write yet. I try my best to follow my dream.

She answered that she admired me, and it broke my heart. I could tell she was comparing my life, and my achievement, with hers.

There’s a gap between what people can see, and what is. We project pictures to hide our truth from curious eyes. We choose what we share, carefully picking the right angle for the right person. We never know what really happens behind screens and closed doors. We fantasize about others’ perfect lives and believe they have it all. The grass is always greener somewhere else.

She was envying me, only looking through the lens of dreams and achievements. She should have known better. I’m not living the dream. I am a prisoner of a country, not allowed to go back home unless I give up on my marriage. I haven’t worked in more than two years. I live with my parents-in-law. I don’t make money so I don’t spend any, last of it on me. I spend my days working on pieces that have yet to put a penny in my pocket.

I’m happy, though. Not every minute of every day, but I am. I made my choices, and I stand by those. I became a French teacher so that I could go around the world and still find a job. I made the decision to quit my job in Australia, I also made the decision to marry an American man, knowing I’d be subject to the visa system. Yes, I write. Yes, I live abroad, but those came to the cost of other things. I left most of my life behind, and I don’t own much.

Sometimes, I envy her too. She has her own apartment in Paris, a stable job that she enjoys, family and friends close by… a lot of the things I miss. She thinks that she is just living life, but maybe that’s enough.

We both grew up in the suburbs. Paris was so close, but still far away. Her first job took her even deeper into the lifeless suburbs, but I remember her saying that next, she’d be living in Paris. She made it. It came true. It is an accomplishment.

We fantasize about dreams, play pretend that dreams are things we could never achieve. Not all dreams are meant to come true, I’ll give you that. It’s great fuel to surpass ourselves and exceed expectations.

We need to adjust our standard for dreams. Why does it always have to be unreachable? We muse about money, fame and all the things we wish we had. We fancy the challenges others attain. Why not instead accept that goals are dreams we can achieve? It’s easy to set goals, we do it every day.

Dreams don’t even have to be goals. Let’s normalise celebrating changes, growth and better decision. Let’s applaud the break of a pattern and the step into a new era in our lives. Didn’t we all dream about who we could become?

I remember being a chubby teenager dreaming about my future self. I wanted to believe that by the time I’d be 25, I’d be thin with perfect skin. Spoilers: it didn’t happen — not that I tried to make it happen. Yet, this year and for the first time, I started working out.

It seems like a small step, almost nothing, to many. To me, it’s huge. It’s taking a step toward something new, something I never did before.

Pressure might turn coals into diamonds, but it also crushed the human spirit. There are no small dreams, no ridiculous dreams, nor dreams bigger or more important than others.

If it fulfills you, if it makes you happy, then it matters. Don’t let a distorted reflection of someone else’s life make you feel small. Dreams are what you make them be. If you want to believe that your only dream is to be a famous and rich author, good on you — especially if it comes true. If it doesn’t, not as fast as you wish, you might be hard on yourself and jealous of those who do make it.

If you take the time to adjust your lens and take a step back, you might realise you’ve already accomplished a lot. Success is not the meter for achievements. Other’s admiration will never define your worth. The grass is always greener on the other side because we often overlook what we stand on.

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