The Secret to Raising Confident Children

Let them do things themselves.

Wonder why some children have confidence and others don’t? It’s very simple. You have to let them do things themselves.

Every time any of us master a skill, it increases our confidence. This is also the case with children. You are not doing your child a favor by doing everything for them. You are hurting their development.

There’s nothing worse than a timid child that is afraid to do things. They are used to Mom or Dad doing everything better than them, that they can’t even imagine trying to do it themselves.

Helping in the kitchen.

My four children had a lot of confidence when they were young. Mainly because they mastered many skills.

We started in the kitchen. They helped make the family tacos, each doing their part. I would brown the meat, the oldest would chop tomatoes, one would put the shredded cheese and sour cream in bowls, the other would open the can of olives and pour it in a bowl, the other would rip up some lettuce. They all took great pride in helping make dinner for the family. They helped set the table and helped clean up.

They learned how to draw and hung their pictures on the refrigerator for the family to admire. By the time they reached high school, they started doing their laundry and could bake their cupcakes.

Explore their talents.

They were encouraged to explore their skills and talents. Two of them tried gymnastics. One tried martial arts. One explored robotics. They took voice and dance lessons and auditioned for community theater. The theatrical experience was especially helpful when the time came when they had to start making speeches in class. Some children froze in fear, but not mine. They already knew how to speak in front of an audience from their early experience in community theater.

Teach them new skills.

You can help your child to be more confident by teaching them new skills.

If you are folding laundry, show your child how to do it. You will have to be extremely patient in the beginning, but in the long run, it will pay off.

Let older ones learn how to dry dishes and put them away, help make a salad, and sweep up a mess.

You may think that you can do these tasks way better and faster, but every time your child masters a skill, it makes them more confident in themselves.

Let them learn to play a musical instrument at an early age. My children all started with the piano, as soon as they could sit at it and press down the keys. They later joined the school band and each learned different instruments. Now they play a variety of instruments including saxophone, violin, guitar, flute, and drums.

Teach them to ride a bike. Teach them words in a foreign language. Let them stir the cake batter. They will be so proud when that cake comes out of the oven and they know they helped make it.

Auditioning when young.

Let them practice lines and audition for the school play. Let them practice their soccer skills and try out for the team. Who cares about rejection? It will only make them stronger. Teach them everyone gets rejected, and the ones that succeed are the ones that keep trying.

My daughter once auditioned for two plays. In the first play, she was offered a tiny part and was disappointed. But she persisted and tried out for another play. She snagged the lead role. Her persistence paid off, making her a much more confident person.

Every little success your child has, helps them become more confident in themselves. Every new thing they learn helps them move on to the next better skill.

When they are old enough, encourage them to do regular chores and earn an allowance.

Caring for a pet.

When they are in middle school, they are old enough to help care for a cat or a dog. They can feed the pet every day, play with them, and clean up after them. This will teach them responsibility and help build their confidence.

When they are in high school they can get part-time jobs delivering papers, babysitting, pet sitting, or working at a supermarket. You can teach them to put their earnings in savings, and save up for things they want. They will value things much more if they earned the money and paid for it on their own, instead of having Mom and Dad buy it for them.

Don’t give them everything.

Two teenagers get a car when they learn to drive. The one who helped pay for his, and earns his own money to buy gas is going to appreciate that car a lot more than the one whose parents bought and paid for it and supplied him with gas money.

The college student that has to work part-time to help with textbooks is going to appreciate them a lot more than the student whose parents paid for everything.

You can help them develop confidence.

You can start teaching them skills at an early age. A two-year-old can help put away their toys. A five-year-old can learn piano. A seven-year-old can learn to use a mitt.

There’s nothing sadder than that child who is afraid to do anything, that grows up with no confidence and is afraid to try new things. You can help prevent that.

Remember by doing things for them you are not helping them in the long run.

Whatever you do, resist the urge to do everything for them. Because there is nothing worse than a twenty-year-old whose Mom is still doing his laundry or has to order take-out every night because he can’t cook a meal on his own.