The Secret of Living A Smaller Life

Choose to adapt when life forces you into a corner — you’ll be happier.

Just over three years ago, the Universe took a gigantic crap on me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a month after my 50th birthday. It certainly wasn’t the nicest birthday gift I’ve ever received. I would have appreciated a trip to Paris a hell of a lot more.

I had to face the works for over a year: surgery, chemo, and radiation for starters. I became bald, lost half my income, spent almost 5 months in bed — at times I thought I was going to die.

But what I can tell you — is that I got through it because I learned how to adapt to my circumstances.

It wasn’t pretty. In fact, most of the time it was bloody ugly. But I made a choice to adapt to living smaller instead of resisting it.

And it made all the difference and allowed me to experience moments of happiness and contentment even when I felt like I lived in a shoebox made in hell.

You’re probably feeling like you’re cornered in a shoebox right now too.

Living smaller isn’t fun when you’re used to freedom. Years ago a boss told me, “You’re not motivated by money.” I replied, “No — I’m motivated by the freedom it gives me.”

When I was ill, my freedom was taken from me. I couldn’t go to the movie theatres, travel, or eat dinner in restaurants with lots of people. There were many days I could barely leave my bed. I was forced to live smaller and it sucked. I worried my life would have less richness, purpose, and meaning.

But there are millions of people who are forced to live smaller lives every day and it doesn’t mean their lives aren’t rich, purposeful or meaningful.

And even though I was living a much smaller life than I was used to, I realized I had to learn how to bend with the winds of change rather than get blown over. I could give myself the freedom of that.

Accept Your New Reality

When I was in cancer treatment the doctors advised me to live my new normal. I can’t begin to tell you how much I hated that phrase. But the truth is — after we’ve been blindsided we don’t get to go back to living exactly the way we did before.

And the more you resist what is happening — the more you suffer. But wishing, hoping, ranting and complaining won’t make it any different. No — you don’t get to go to the movies, or have dinner parties or go to the zoo with your kids.

Right now, face your reality head-on and accept that for the moment, this is how you have to live. Work within the boundaries and be creative — on Friday night my husband and I are having a Zoom dinner party with our friends who live three hours away. The laptop will have its own placemat and wineglass and we’ll make the best of it.

Weirdly — you discover life gets easier when you accept what you can’t change and you work within it.

Find a Way to Give

No matter who you are — there’s someone who is worse off than you. Find a way to help them. One of the best ways to feel better about smaller living is by helping to ease the load for someone else.

Contact a seniors center and offer to call people who are in self-isolation alone. Shovel someone’s sidewalk. Bring some cookies to your sister’s doorstep. Create art and paste it on your front window for passers-by to see.

Expand your world by expanding your heart.

Make Big Plans and Reward Yourself

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I knew I needed to go through a lot of shitty stuff before I would cross the finish line.

So I turned the massive old-school chalkboard in my home office into Kim’s Recovery Plan.

I wrote down every test I had to get — from CT scans to X-rays. I wrote down my surgery. I wrote down 6 chemos and their dates. I wrote down when I had to have 20 radiation treatments and when I would finish 17 IV treatments of a life-saving drug I needed.

And then for each goal — I put a box where I could make a huge checkmark and write YES! It was the first thing I did when I walked in the door.

And when I had accomplished each set of goals — I gave myself a reward— everything from books to a nice bathrobe. I told myself I would go see my beautiful friends after the toughest parts.

When chemo was finished, I went to see Jo in Victoria, B.C. After 20 days of radiation was complete, I went to see Deb in Dallas, Texas. When I finished the works — 15 months of treatment — I went with my friend Tina to New York. Those goals and rewards kept me going whenever I teetered on the depths of despair.

Your plan and your rewards can be as big or small as you want them to be. But just because you’re living a smaller life right now, doesn’t mean you have to think small. Start thinking about what you want when this is over.

Will This Diminish or Enhance Your Life?

Let me tell you something. I didn’t spend 15 months fighting for my life to die from bloody COVID 19.

I refuse to complain. I will stay grateful. I will not let this diminish who I am.

So staying at home? Having to live smaller even though I’m a traveler, and I love being with my family, friends, and freedom means everything to me?

I will do whatever it takes to find joy in my small-for-now-life. I hope you do the same.

On the last day of cancer treatment — 15 months after I started my forced-to-live-a-smaller-life, I got into my Mini Cooper and turned the radio on full blast.

And as I drove away from the hospital, I screamed with joy, tears ran down my face and I sang at the top of my lungs the words to A Beautiful Day along with Bono from U2. It was the best day of my life.

This life that feels so small for you right now? Please remember — it’s actually not small at all. It never has been.

Thanks for reading! I have loads of food essays (delicious recipes too) and thoughtful and quirky simpler living essays waiting for you. (Well over 100 of them!) And this story caught the attention of NBC News In New York!

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