The Secret my Mother Told me When I was 25

Our shared “event” was a celebration of life, not an embarrassment.

Birthgasm: A birthgasm is a female orgasm that occurs during childbirth. This is sometimes referred to as an “orgasmic childbirth.” More than 85% of midwives surveyed by Postel [2013] stated that a sexually pleasurable birth experience is possible, and 69% stated they had observed such a case. Wikipedia

I was visiting my parents for a few days before heading out on a long journey to South America. I came in from an early morning run and was on my way to the shower when I heard mother call out. “After you’re done, I have something I want to discuss with you. Shall I make us a pot of tea?”

Mother was forthright and got down to the bone quickly in conversations. I wondered what was going on while I cleaned up rapidly and nervously. When I returned to the kitchen she was sitting at the table and patted the seat next to her.

“I want to tell you the story of your birth.”

This is the last thing I was expecting to hear. Was I a switched kid? Did I have a different father than my siblings? I sat down filled with curiosity and a bit of trepidation.

“As you know, we lived on a farm outside Fresno when I was pregnant with you. We were quite a distance from the hospital. Every time I went into town for a check-up I noted how long it took to get there. I was prepared of course, since you were number eight and keeping a close eye on my contractions until we had to go.

Those rural roads were a series of rolling hills. I thought you might pop out in the car with every deep dip and blind curve. It was pitch dark, middle of the night. Dad drove like a bat out of hell as my contractions began coming closer together very rapidly. I kept screaming at him to hurry up! He yelled back he was going as fast as he could!

We finally arrived at the hospital and he flew out of the car. I heard him yelling Help! Help! A gurney instantly appeared and I was whisked off to the labor room with only minutes to spare.”

She shifts around in her chair and peers into her tea as if she’s in search of her destiny. Is it possible she’s embarrassed? I’d never seen her this way before.

“Well, here is where your birth becomes unusual. As soon as I knew I was safe, everything changed. You entered the birth canal and I began having a series of extraordinary orgasms.

I’m telling you these were not the normal kind. They lasted a lot longer for one thing. Each contraction brought on another wave of bliss, even euphoria.

I felt filled with light and entered an ecstatic state. You felt so good coming down! Then you shot out of me like a bolt of lightning! I wanted to push you back in and start all over again!

I was also embarrassed by my sensations and pretended to scream in pain.

The doctor caught you and crowed “Here’s a happy baby!” The mood in the room was joyous. They cleaned you up and wrapped you in a blanket, chuckling away. I was still in a dazed, afterglow state. What had just happened? The doctor came over and pulled down your blanket, showing me your chest.”

“Congratulations Mrs. R! You have a healthy daughter. At one stage in utero, a line forms across our chest to mark our nipples. Your baby had a tiny fold on her left chest so she developed two nipples. Don’t worry, only one will grow. In ancient lore, this was one sign of a witch. You’ll have to keep your eye on this one.” Ha Ha

I’m momentarily speechless but manage to stammer out “Is that why you had three more kids mom, in search of another Big O? At least now I know why I walked around with a ridiculous grin plastered on my face.”

She narrowed her eyes and kicked my foot lightly under the table, but couldn’t help laughing. We enjoyed giving each other a little grief.

“Your nomadic lifestyle is unsettling at times. I’m never sure when and if you’ll return. When I’m concerned for your safety, I like to think back to your birth and belief you carry an invisible veil of protection, as silly as that sounds.

You deserve to hear your birth story. It happened to both of us. Now I feel brave enough to tell you.

In answer to your question, you were my only orgasmic birth and seriously, the best orgasm I’ve ever had. Nothing like it before or since.”

She’s looking directly at me and grinning like the Cheshire cat in Wonderland. I’m squirming around in my chair, trying to sniff out the boundaries in this unknown territory.

“Please stop right there! I don’t need to know anything about you and dad. Ugh! I’m still taking in what you’ve just told me.” One look at my face and she changed tack.

“I never told a soul about your birth, not even dad. He wasn’t even in the room. What would I say? I just had the best orgasm of my life and it wasn’t with you? It took me a quarter-century to tell you!”

Fortunately for me, it was 1975, and Ina May Gaskin’s groundbreaking book “Spiritual Midwifery” had just been published. As soon as I returned to the city I ran to the bookstore, bought and devoured it.

Ina May had three rough birth experiences of her own and came away dreaming it could be a different process. She was a midwife and began dedicating herself to educating women about alternative childbirth.

She and her husband traveled across the states in a school bus caravan with a group of families in tow. Several births happened along the way, providing opportunities to test her theories.

She felt birthing conditions were vital. Women had to feel safe and private. In her opinion, this wasn’t going to happen in a hospital hooked to equipment, under bright lights, and being scrutinized every step of the way.

She had the partners of women in labor actively contributing to the birth by stimulating nipples and kissing or any other move they wanted to make. She knew the beta-endorphins women produce during labor led to washes of oxytocin, the love hormone released during sex.

They rise to the highest possible levels in the moments before a child is born and it’s this release that drives a birthgasm. Pressure from the baby’s head stimulates pelvic nerves moving down the birth canal, producing sensations similar to orgasmic intercourse.

Our brains cannot experience pain and pleasure at the same time, so Ina May encouraged women in labor to enter a pleasure zone whenever they could. As a result, she midwives a series of orgasmic births, proving her point and creating a revolution in the birth process in the U.S.

Once the caravan bought land, they established the “Farm Midwifery Center.” By 2011 Ina May had assisted 1,200 births of the 3,000 births which took place. Her techniques defied the statistic that only 2 to 6 % of women experienced orgasmic birth.

At 81 years of age, she’s still at it and was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame in 2013 for her tireless, educational efforts to reframe birthing.

She was also the pioneer leading the way to other birth explorers such as Christiane Northrup M.D. who labeled beta endorphins ‘the molecules of ecstasy.’ She believed “If women experienced the ecstasy of birth, they would have the high that would get them through the hormonal changes of the next week. Your body and your inner wisdom give you that high.”

Dr. Sarah Buckley, a New Zealand-trained GP writes in her book “Ecstatic Birth: The Hormonal Blueprint of Labor”: “High levels of beta-endorphins help the laboring woman to transmute pain and enter the altered state of consciousness that characterizes an undisturbed birth.”

In “The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby by Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman M.D., they went so far as to state: “A single orgasm is thought to be 22 times as relaxing as the average tranquilizer. When you add to this the fact that the average vagina widens 2” during sexual arousal, it only makes sense to fantasize, masturbate or make love in labor.”

Many other esteemed physicians came on board offering different birthing options from the norm, ushering in a wave of films such as the award-winning “Birth Story.” This was followed by the 2008 documentary “Orgasmic Birth: The Best Kept Secret” directed by Debra Pascali-Bonaro, a childbirth educator for 26 years.

Mother has been dancing in the land of our ancestors for too long to hear her birthgasm confirmed through years of research by experts in the field. I wish I could resurrect her for an updated chat over good coffee.

The tide has turned and women are now informed orgasmic birth is a possibility in a supportive environment. They no longer have to mask their feelings or be embarrassed by orgasm during birth if it should occur.

Why it was ever considered shameful is a puzzle, considering some women conceive during an orgasm. Doesn’t it make sense the same sensations can take place when birthing and a woman is in the final stage of labor?

It would’ve helped my mother immensely to realize both of us had been blessed with a nonintrusive, orgasmic birth. And other women had experienced it as well.

Her disclosure helped pieces within my own puzzle fall into place. I strongly encourage any woman who has had a birthgasm to inform their child when they feel ready to do so. It’s a dual experience and your child was along for the ride.

There are ways my birth may have affected me, but they remain theoretical. I will admit to being steadily enthused about life. Even in the middle of a shit storm. I once considered renting a dumpster to contain the overload.

Did a birthgasm encourage my resilience? All the research details the mother’s accounts. Nothing was said about their birthgasm children. It’s challenging to calibrate the influence of subtle energy.

I can only speak for myself and my vote is two thumbs up for orgasmic birth! Zero trauma and for me, a life filled with cheap thrills. When birdsong can make your day, you’re hitting the home base.

A Golden Eagle called out while I was walking beside a meadow recently. As it circled lower in the thermals, I cast my gaze upward and inquired. “Shall I cast these words into the infinite dust of the cosmos?” Dipping down, tilting wings, it sent out a piercingly beautiful cry. Got it.

In gratitude for the Light, we all are. May yours shine.