The Science of Flirting: How to Flirt Over Text Like a Pro

Have you ever been out with your significant other and seen a really cute person across the room?

Or maybe you’ve seen someone online that you’re interested in getting to know better.

Flirting is a great way to let that person know that you’re interested, without having to risk embarrassing yourself in front of them.

But flirting over text can be a little bit different than flirting in person. If you’re like most people, you probably think of flirting as a mysterious art that’s hard to master.

But the truth is, flirting is actually a science.

There are some things you should definitely avoid when trying to win over your crush via text. Here are the dos and don’ts of flirting over text, so you can make sure your efforts lead to success.

And if you follow the right tips, you can flirt over text like a pro.

So, whether you’re trying to charm your crush or just make new friends, read on for all the secrets to texting flirtation.

Use emoticons to convey emotion

Emoticons are a great way to be playful when you’re flirting. On one hand, they’re more personal than just sending the words “cool” or “kool.”

On the other hand, you don’t have to feel awkward asking your crush what each and every emoticon means. Just remember that when you’re using emoticons, it’s important to keep them varied.

That way, your crush knows you’re open and friendly rather than insincere or aggressive. For example, if they sent a winky-faced emoticon like (;), respond with something like (^_^).

If they use an emoticon like (o_0), don’t send anything at all.

Be playful and avoid negativity

When you’re flirting over text, the best thing to do is keep things lighthearted. That means it’s better to be silly than serious

Even when your crush is being negative or insulting you, don’t take the bait. Instead, flirt back with a positive response that avoids negativity. For example, if your crush complains about being sick and tired all of the time, make a joke like (Haha yeah, I’ve heard you’re bedridden).

Stop yourself from over-analyzing every word they say

When you keep blowing up your crush’s phone with texts, it’s easy to get really nervous. That makes you more likely to say the wrong thing.

And if something comes out badly, you probably won’t be able to resist obsessing over what went wrong. So, when in doubt, don’t think too much about your responses. Trust yourself and send messages that come naturally.

Avoid being too sexual early on

The best flirts are confident, but not to the point where they’re being arrogant or aggressive.

If you come off as desperate or needy, your crush will probably think that you’re just into them to get something out of it. And since people usually want their friends to be supportive and understanding, it’s a good idea to wait until you’re absolutely certain that your crush is feeling the same way before you make a move.

So, if they flirt with you first, don’t immediately start sending them texts about how much you want them. Instead, take some time to build up to it over the course of several conversations

For example, you could say something like (We should hang out some time) or (I feel like I’m really starting to get to know you).

Be open and honest about what you want

Being straightforward has a few advantages. For one thing, it helps to avoid any unnecessary misunderstandings.

For another, your crush is more likely to respect you for being up-front about what you want from them. Plus, if they’re interested in the same things as you are, it’ll be a lot easier for you to build the kind of deep connection that leads to romance.

So, if your crush asks you what you’re looking for, give them an open-and-shut answer like (I want us to become really good friends).

Don’t wait too long before responding

It’s one thing to let your crush know that you’re a busy person. But never underestimate the negative impact of ghosting.

So, if they send you a message and you take more than three or four hours to respond, it’s going to seem like you aren’t interested in them at all. In general, your best bet is to always respond within 24 hours of receiving their message

If you can’t get back to them right away, let them know when they can expect a response. For example, you could say something like (I’ll get back to you tomorrow) or (Give me some time to think about what I want to say).

Don’t always send messages in the same format

Just like it’s important to vary the type of emoticons that you use, it’s also a good idea to mix up your messages

For example, if they start talking about how much they love deflating balloons and you respond with an unsuitable emoticon, it’ll look like you’re mocking them. But if instead you sent along some articles about balloon festivals, it’ll show that you were actually interested in their interests.

Eliminate extra words and be brief

Since the point of flirting is to send messages that get your crush excited, it’s best to keep things short and simple

If you ramble on for like ten texts in a row about nothing important, it’s going to make you look like you’re not mature enough to handle a conversation. That can hold you back.

So, if their texts are short and casual, follow suit. If they communicate in long paragraphs, feel free to send along multiple messages at once. But whatever you do, don’t reply with (Haha okay cool).

Don’t beat around the bush

We already talked about how important it is to read between the lines. But when you’re trying to flirt, avoiding ambiguity is even more critical.

If your crush starts talking about something especially strange or random, by all means ask them what they mean.

For example, if they send you a text that says (I think I saw a giant squid in the sky today), you could say something like (Where did that come from?) or (Did you get out of bed on the wrong side this morning?).

If your crush is shy, show them that they can trust you

People often hold back when they’re flirting because they’re worried about putting themselves out there. But if you can figure out a way to show them that they have nothing to fear from you, they might let their guard down

For example, if your crush is worried that you’re going to laugh at them or say something mean, send along something like (You know what I just realized? We both love books). Or if they’re afraid that you don’t respect them, it could be as simple as (I can see why everyone at school thinks you’re so cool).

Don’t give up after your first failed attempt

Sometimes people try to flirt and find out that their crush isn’t interested in them back. They might think that there’s no point in trying again.

But it’s actually one of the most important things you need to do. People often overlook the value in flirting with someone who already knows that they’re interested in them, because they’re too afraid of being rejected.

But when your crush turns you down, remember that it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you at all. Send them a follow up message, and see what happens. You might be surprised by their reaction.

No matter how many times you get turned down, keep going until they say that it’s not going to happen.

Once you’ve figured out what works, keep practicing

A lot of people expect to pick everything up after just one or two attempts. But that’s not how flirting works.

It takes time and practice before you start to perfect your technique. Feel free to ask for feedback from your friends, check over the articles on this site if you ever get confused, or just send along a sample conversation to see if it makes sense.

Remember that flirting is all about being clear and respectful

People often have trouble with this because they’re trying too hard to impress their crush. But when you’re in the early stages of dating someone, there’s no reason to try and come on too strong.

Avoid anything that makes you come off as desperate or too clingy. This may mean using a lot of smiley faces and exclamation marks, or it might mean taking it slow.

In any case, make sure that the way you flirt shows your crush how much they mean to you.

Avoid Danger Zone

Every flirt has a “danger zone” — the point where they cross from being fun and flirty to inappropriate and creepy.

Common danger zones are flirting with someone who’s already in a relationship, or making overtly sexual comments to someone you don’t know very well.

The best way to avoid danger zones is simply by paying attention to the other person’s reactions. If they seem uncomfortable, you’re probably moving into dangerous territory. But if they can joke around with you, it’s likely that you can do the same.

Remember, it’s never wrong to stick to your comfort zone when you’re flirting. You can’t always help it if someone misinterprets your intentions.

But that doesn’t mean it’s their right to blame you for something. If they get upset or offended by what you said, apologize and move on.

The bottom line

Flirting is an essential part of any relationship. It’s a way to show your partner that you’re interested and make them feel good.

But it can be tricky to flirt over text, especially if you’re not sure what to say.

Don’t worry. We have shown you how to do it like a pro. Just follow the simple tips above and you’ll have your partner smiling from ear to ear in no time.

Happy flirting.

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