The Scariest Thing That Happened To My Baby

Something all mothers should know.

As mothers, we can’t help but worry about our children.

We worry about something going wrong. We worry they might get hurt, or Heaven forbid, even die.

It’s sometimes hard to not let these fears overwhelm us.

So you can imagine how terrifying it was when my second baby’s body stiffened, and he stopped breathing, his face changing from red to blue, to white. His body limp in my arms.

My son was born in 1983.

I had complications after his birth. My cesarean section incision became infected. The doctor warned me to keep an eye out for signs of blood poisoning.

Afraid I’d pass an infection on to my baby, when I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription for antibiotics, I decided to temporarily switch to bottle feeding until the infection cleared.

I purchased a small amount of baby formula and wanting less work washing and sterilizing bottles as I’d done with my first child, just a year previous, I purchased a Playtex nursing bottle with sterilized drop-in liners.

My son didn’t take well switching from the breast to the bottle. Feeding him took longer. He often stopped while feeding and cried. It was as if the milk didn’t flow fast enough or he missed his cheek next to his mother’s skin.

I continued to pump my breasts to keep the milk flowing, sure that the situation was temporary and that I was doing what was best for him.

Things only got worse for me. I ended up back in the hospital with postpartum hemorrhaging.

Because of the infection, I was moved into isolation and could no longer see anyone but my husband, who had to wear a gown and mask to visit with me.

During weeks in the hospital, I gave up pumping my breasts to keep my milk flowing.

On a phone conversation with my mother, who was caring for my children, she told me that while nursing my son his body stiffened, and he stopped breathing. She said he turned red, then blue, until he went white and limp in her arms.

“I’m afraid there’s something wrong with him,” she said. “I’ve never seen a baby do this. It’s not normal. I’m afraid he’s gonna die.”

Those were not the words any mother wants to hear.

It worried me even more that I was stuck in the hospital, fearing I might never make it home to my children.

My hope was that my mother was exaggerating, as she so often did.

Finally, when I made it home and could start feeding my baby, I discovered what my mother had described was true.

Terrified there was something seriously wrong with my baby, I took him to the doctor.

The family doctor referred us immediately to a specialist in the city at the IWK (Izaak Walton Killam Hospital).

First, they performed tests to rule out seizures.

When the tests came back negative, the doctor explained it was his temperament. That our son was holding his breath, and that there was nothing to worry about. That the body would force him to breathe before he could cause any harm to himself.

The doctor suggested that if we didn’t want to let these breath-holding spells continue, we could splash cold water in his face to bring him out of it. That sounded cruel to me.

Thanks to the internet, there is now lots of information on breath-holding spells — brief periods when young children stop breathing for up to one minute.

These spells often cause a child to pass out (lose consciousness).

It also says that breath-holding spells usually occur when a young child is angry, frustrated, in pain, or afraid.

The spell is a reflex response to strong feelings, such as anger or frustration.

For our son, it seemed like frustration was his trigger. The milk just didn’t flow fast enough for him or he missed his mother and her breasts.

The internet says breath-holding spells are common in young children. My son was the only one I ever heard of doing this. None of my friends ever mentioned it happening to their child.

I’m interested to know if it is indeed common. Has it happened to your child?

My son outgrew these breath-holding spells once he started eating solid foods. But it was terrifying while these spells lasted, even though we knew it was nothing serious.

If anything similar should happen to your baby, don’t assume it is breath-holding spells. Always seek the advice of a professional to make sure it is nothing more serious.

BARBARA CARTER is a visual artist and writer with a focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and living her best authentic life.