The Sad Reason Your Kids Will Have Fewer Birthday Parties In Their Lives

I was that kid, and honestly, I don’t know if I could handle being that parent.

“How was your housewarming party?” my mom asked over the phone. I had just moved to my apartment and invited the whole office at the most toxic workplace I ever worked in.

“Nobody came,” I said. “I don’t want to be here.”

At that moment, I genuinely regretted moving there. I was now away from my parents, would have to sleep in a lonely apartment, and let’s face it, it wasn’t near good clubs. All my friends were in NYC and in the streets, and at the time, I was trying to befriend the upper-middle-class coworkers I had.

I really, really wanted to have a new life. I was told that this would be the moment where I’d get all the nice upper-middle-class friends that eluded me, that I’d no longer be looked at as a street rat, and where I’d finally be popular by mainstream people. And it all came crashing down.

I felt like a fish out of water, but what’s worse, I felt like a younger version of me. Back when I was a kid, I was known to throw parties that no one ever showed up to. Eventually, it got too much to bear and I had my meltdown in college which resulted in me running into the hands of traffickers.

Fuck all those people.

Today, I was thinking about that moment in my apartment and realized something about society. It’s not just me. There are going to be a lot more “me’s” in upcoming years, especially if my browsing on Reddit says anything.

After a look on Reddit, I realized a lot more kids are experiencing the trauma of creating massive parties without any guests.

Sometimes, it’s not just kids. Like myself, adults have it happen too — even after they have people RSVP over it. It happened to a close friend of mine in the rave scene, where I and my husband were his only two birthday party attendees. But, it’s not just us…

If you’ve ever experienced this, you know having a party where no one shows is actually really traumatic. Like, I still have rejection dysphoria from it and regularly struggle to feel like people like me. It sticks with you.

To this day, I’m actually really nervous about throwing parties and will only do it if my husband talks to people. It also has to be a party that I don’t pay for or even plan more than a simple dinner spread for.

Even my wedding was a disaster. That was held in my apartment, with a tray of pasta, after multiple guests made it about them — with one guest even demanding I drive them to the wedding and asking me to change the guest list or they wouldn’t come.

Yeah, I don’t try to throw expensive and detailed parties anymore after that. I just attend them.

The workaround that I have is to tell people to meet me at clubs and bars.

As an adult, bars and clubs are the best workarounds. If no one decides to show up, you can always talk to other people who are there. No biggie. It’s just as much a method of saving face as it is reducing trauma from past shit.

Have a failed party? No problem. Sometimes, you end up meeting new people and are able to find cool ways to bond. I have a lot of friends who I hang out with specifically through that method.

If I have a birthday celebration (probably never), it’ll be at a bar with mocktails or a strip club VIP room. If I have a wedding re-do? Probably a mini Vegas wedding with an Elvis impersonator. You get the drift.

But kids? They don’t have that workaround.

The really shitty thing about our society is that there is no place for kids to just hang out and be kids. There’s no public place where kids congregate aside from playgrounds, and let’s face it, those are not really that popular and hover-mommies can cramp things.

This means that for kids, parties and home invites are going to be the go-to. There’s no other way around it. And sadly, a lot of parents decide to use their kids as pawns for their own political mommy games. Kids are also increasingly coached to avoid uncool kids by their parents.

What does this mean?

Simple: parents are raising a lot of kids who are being trained to see nothing wrong with leaving kids alone on their birthday. They’re being taught that it’s okay to not even bother declining an invite. And frankly, that’s pretty damn cruel.

When I was young, I was taught that, if you’re invited to something, you go. Unless you’re on fire, you go. Why? Because everyone deserved to have at least one friend show up.

A lot of parents are noticing this and are starting to go against the idea of birthday parties.

I’ve noticed this trend as a particularly strong one among parents whose kids aren’t quite popular. Parents who are considered to be “oddballs” by other parents tend to choose this path too.

Throwing a party is a lot more expensive than people want to make it out to be. Even if it’s just cake and a pizza, that’s like $50 that could be going towards bills. If it’s at a venue, that’s an additional $400. If you want a birthday party package, expect it to be $600 at least.

Frankly, a lot of parents and adults are at the point where they don’t want to risk losing a fuckton of money for a party people may not even attend. This is even starting to become problematic at weddings — and that’s fucked. I can’t blame people for saying no to planning parties; it’s a major risk.

Parents are walking away from birthday parties out of the need to protect their kids. By refusing to give them a birthday party, they make sure kids don’t live through what I did. And frankly, I’m actually for it as long as they give their kids a better option.

However, this also comes with its pitfalls. A lot of great memories can be made at a birthday party and a lot of new friends can be made, too. I made some pretty decent friends at birthday parties, to be honest.

Guess what happens when more and more parents opt out of these parties. Yep, kids will experience that on an increasingly rare basis. Eventually, birthday parties are going to be strikingly rare.

And trust me, it may not mean much now, but in the future, when people realize that these small gestures are dying out, it’ll be a pivotal point in how much we failed our kids.

I don’t think I can be the mom who witnesses my daughter being stood up for a party.

I’ll be honest, I’d be taking the actions of a bunch of people bailing on my daughter’s birthday party as a personal affront — especially if I put time and money into throwing it.

Being the aggressive hoodrat that I am, I probably would show up at parents’ houses demanding an explanation. I know, though, that it probably would scare the shit out of their parents and alienate her further.

That’s precisely why I am totally not involved in party-throwing for my kid. And I don’t have the stomach to see my kid hurt that way, so I don’t think it’s worth the risk to her or me.

When she’s a teenager, I’ll talk to some club promoters and get a roll of nightclubs that have all ages shows. Then, I’ll introduce her to the DJs, drag queens, band members, and rappers of her choice.

If she decides she wants it, I’ll also get her makeup done and get her a Cyberdog outfit with cool shoes too. Why? Because that stuff will always be cool and she’s young enough to really enjoy the freedom of being able to dress that way without people wondering what’s wrong with her.

This way, she gets cool photos of herself in mommy’s music scenes and also will have fun with people on her birthday. I think that’s a better party option, and it’s one that will avoid the ugliness of suburb politics.

As for traditional birthday parties? I, along with other likeminded parents are bidding them adieu. Good riddance!