The Sacrifice Of My Social Life While Raising Two Autistic Teenagers: One Doesn’t Simply Get A Babysitter When They Have An Autistic Child
The time is finally here! The nightlife is calling me! It has been long overdue, but the time is finally here. Yes! That’s right! I am finally getting some time away. Time away from the daily grind of working and being a full-time single parent. It has been long overdue, but sometimes, one has to make cuts somewhere.
From therapy sessions, other required needs, and balancing different aspects of one’s life, most parents find themselves stretched in time. Most parents of special needs parents rarely have an hour to spare due to the high demands of caring for their child. Most socialization takes place within the family and rarely outside of the home.
As I have stated in many of my previous writings, I am a full-time single father of two teenage boys on the autism spectrum; therefore, getting a night out is not easy. Many times, when one thinks of autism, the impact of a parent’s social life goes unnoticed. There is a saying in the autism community, and it goes, “One doesn’t simply get a babysitter when they have an autistic child.” That is very true!
One cannot just find a babysitter and watch their kids while they are having a night on the town. They have to find a caregiver or someone that they can trust to handle someone with autism. Watching a child with autism requires undivided attention. You cannot just have them watch a movie or play video games. Many kids with autism have a variety of issues, from sound sensitivities, sensory issues, sleeping disorders, stimming issues, a lack of cognitive abilities, an inability to comprehend dangerous boundaries, communication issues, and other challenging behaviors that are unique to them. Watching a child with autism is not a typical babysitting job; it is an enormous challenge, and many are not up for it.
There are many times when one cannot participate in social outings that they would love to pursue. There is a bit of guilt that comes with that. There is usually a conflict between being a responsible parent and the desire to have a social life. This can lead to a sense of feeling isolated, which can lead to depression and other mental health concerns.
All the parents that I have encountered who have children on the autism spectrum do not get to get out of the house and have a social life. It can become very isolating. For me, there are times that I have to distance myself from things when I see other people going out and having a good time, and yet I rarely get to partake due to the responsibilities of my two boys. That is when I decide to take a break from my social media or unfollow certain people on my Facebook. It is nothing against them, but when one is a parent of a special needs child or adult, they have to distance themselves from certain things to keep themselves in check.
What can I do?
If you are in a situation like mine, understand that having a social life is very limited, but get out when you can. Everyone needs a break once in a while. Also, find activities that you can do for yourself. For example, while I miss having a social life, it has allowed me more time to pursue being the ultimate parent to my two boys; I have found more time to write and go out for runs when the kids are in school. That is very rewarding for me.
When my next night out comes, I will forever be grateful for it, but I also know how I am. I take great pride in my children, writing, and running. To me, if it means I don’t get out as much as I would like, then it is worth it.