The Sacred Alchemy of Turning Your Pain into Gold
Use this secret key towards personal healing
Life comes with pain.
You don’t like pain, nobody does, but here’s a secret that will change your life— you can use your pain as a powerful key to freedom.
Pain is a secret pathway to the gold of your life.
I discovered a fantastic modality that accelerated my growth and that can do the same for you. I love sharing this experience.
This is a crash course on how pain and trauma arise, how your journey of healing can unwind and how to turn your pain into the gold of your life.
(When our old toxic politicians would apply this there would be a better world instantly)
How pain arises from disconnection
All source for trauma, pain and wounding comes from something psychologists call primary disconnect. It arises in relationships with others, or rather, the lack of a nurturing, safe connection.
You don’t inflict pain on yourself when you’re a baby. That’s impossible.
As a baby, you are born open wide to the world. You feel everything, and the earth orbits around you. Imagine you play in the living room on the ground, your father is watching soccer, and his favourite team is losing. He gets angry and shouts at the TV.
These are small moments that you will take on the energy of your parents. The world is all about you, so you are the reason for that specific energy frequency. It is now in your system.
When your parents are very disconnected from their heart, their love, their source of well-being, you as a baby will take a lot of this with you in your life.
It hurts.
Core Unworthiness
Your deeper needs for safety, to be held, seen, felt and heard, are not being met, and you develop a sense of core unworthiness.
When you’re now met long enough, you’ll give up. You will now develop a survival strategy to cope with the situation. Often, these survival mechanisms will prevent you from being vulnerable in your relationships later in life. It’s too scary and unsafe to open up since then the pain will arise again.
Whenever you have memories of the painful event or disconnect when you so needed your primary caregivers, you even avoid feeling the core unworthiness.
You make a second ring of core unworthiness to prevent you from feeling the first.
Later in your life, you might start to unwind where you disconnected. This might be a particular traumatic event like abuse, neglect or violation. Or milder versions as described above.
The only way to get to the core of it is to feel everything and not to make anything wrong in yourself. To move beyond shame and its sister guilt.
This needs courage, dedication, openness, willingness and
…other people.
What is pain?
The pain that we carry is not actual pain that is stored in our body from a past traumatic event. This is what many think.
All pain comes from resisting feeling deeper and to let energy move.
What you resist persists and will eventually kill you. That’s what Jung taught us some centuries ago.
With this, I mean that you can build your complete life around your pain, compensate with material stuff, eat yourself fat, and numb yourself out with all the addictions that are so widely available in your society.
You are stuck deep inside, and the deep disconnect, hurt, and pain will persist.
This often leads to depression, which is another word for energy not moving.
Depression is stuck energy.
Why do we need others to heal?
The pain we have deep inside, the wound that we neglect and don’t like to feel comes from the past. That primary disconnect happened maybe 40 years ago, but it still exists in our system.
It is the lack of attention, care, being heard, felt or seen by our caregivers. It’s the disconnect from the heart, the being left alone, or worse, the abuse, the violation, you name it.
This is always caused by other humans. We can’t inflict pain on ourselves when we’re so small.
The beauty of healing is that we can go back to this moment, go in our bodies, connect to the initial trauma or wound, move with it, and show it when the world around us is safe enough to do so. Here is where circle work comes in.
There is no shortcut. There is no quick fix.
It’s all about going to your wound, your pain and show it through layers of shame. Stay connected with the wide-open loving souls around you in that moment. Feel the shame. Feel your core unworthiness. Feel everything and be witnessed. Now stored energy is moving.
Your nervous system is invited to open for a moment. Look into the world through your 4-year-old boy or girl's tears, crying for attention and being neglected. Luckily, now everything is different. You get a new imprint from the people in the circle. They are the safe lifeline. They teach you the trauma is in the past by witnessing you in the present while you go through the past. Now you can separate your consciousness from the actual event and hold it. You are not your pain. You are not your trauma.
When this lifeline of a circle of loving people doesn’t exist and you visit your trauma, your mind-body awareness doesn’t know it's in the past and so you get re-traumatized. Over and over again.
Instead, when you’re held in a loving presence while going through your pain, this changes everything.
Now you’re welcome, held, seen, felt and loved.
That’s where true healing starts.
The power of the tribe
Reaching this kind of healing with one-on-one therapy is impossible.
For a straightforward reason; We will remain in a story.
We all create a story around our past wounding. Most of us will stay stuck in them, as a victim. Life beat us, and now we don’t know how to get out of that place. Yep, you can carry your core unworthiness into your grave.
In the present-day world, the number one problem is the lack of real, deep, felt connection between humans. I can give you a thousand reasons for this, but I hope you understand now that you truly need others to heal.
This is best done in a circle.
Your nervous system can open, your energy can move, you will be able to be met, seen and felt, and you get a precious new imprint.
There is also circle wisdom that will move the energy within everybody in the circle towards truth, like a truth serum. This amplified field can crack open hearts and move energy stuck for a lifetime. It can move within minutes.
It’s kick-ass human technology. Our ancestors all knew about this. It’s the power of the tribe.
To heal the number one collective wound — the deep disconnection created between us, all we need to do is come together, and show up with what we feel deep inside and be met with a pair of loving new eyes and pure presence.
Circle wisdom will take care of it when well facilitated and done in a safe container with super clear agreements.
Find your circle around you, create one, and step over the killing polarization that is driving so many of our brothers and sisters to step out of this life, taking away the possibility to shine their light, love and wisdom.
Let’s move from more disconnection to more connection and healing.
It’s happening.
Since pain is also the gold of my life, I wrote a book on how I transformed a 25-year-long addiction caused by deep trauma. I present a 5-tier method that you can use to regain control over your life.
Download my free Ebook introducing this 5 STAM method, including practical exercises.
Many of my insights and experiences around healing come from the work in circles and the book Insights to Intimacy by Christian Pankhurst
