The Rule That Taught Me to Stop Caring What Other People Think

Unsolicited advice and opinions are just a form of adult bullying

Here’s the one rule I follow that taught me to stop caring what other people think: If you’re not paying my bills, then you don’t get a say in what I do with my life.

It’s just that simple.

Also, I always pay my own bills.

When I was a child, I was the victim of a lot of old-fashioned bullying: name-calling in the cafeteria, being threatened with a stick at recess and being held against my will behind the hedges in the courtyard. You know — the usual.

I have the unique experience of being a long-time advocate for the victims of bullying. I’m also knowledgeable about the various forms that bullying takes. Now, with all that out of the way, let me tell you what I especially hate: Adult bullying.

I had no idea that adult bullying would be even more prevalent and insidious than the torture I endured as a child. And the worst thing about adult bullying is that much of it comes in the form of unwanted, unneeded, and unsolicited “advice.”

Let me just say this. If you want to be successful, if you want to take control of your life, and if you want to get the most out of your relationships, avoid this common form of adult bullying, unsolicited advice. Don’t take unsolicited advice, and for heaven’s sake, don’t dole it out.

You need to lose weight. You’re too loud. That dress makes you look fat. You shouldn’t wear stripes. You’d look thinner if you wore dark colors. You should eat more fruits and vegetables. Maybe you should get a real job.

Often, uninvited advice is given in a well-meaning manner. But it can actually be harmful. Pushing unsolicited advice on someone robs them of the opportunity to solve their own problems.

Much of this “advice” is rooted in the belief that it is coming from a person who cares about you — a friend, family member, or co-worker — and that they have your best interests at heart. But often, the uninvited advice that you receive actually does more harm than good. If you are like me, you will repel these types of well-intentioned suggestions.

At first glance, the idea of giving advice is a good one. Who doesn’t want to share their experiences and wisdom? Don’t we all have the best intentions when we start doling out this “advice?”

Or perhaps it’s just venting disguised as “advice,” an excuse to say something negative about someone else under the guise of “connecting” with them? As I said, it’s just another form of bullying.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of unwanted advice, then you know how frustrating it can be. And oftentimes this unsolicited feedback does more harm than good.

I’ll admit it. I’m not a big fan of unsolicited advice. If I want advice, I’ll ask for it!

If you do ask for advice, someone will probably offer it. As someone once said, “It’s hard to be too critical of someone else’s bad judgment after you have requested their opinion.” At the same time, we are all vulnerable to advice-based diseases like confirmation bias and optimism bias.

And if you’re like me, and you don’t like unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends or family, then here’s my advice.

Just walk away.