The Red Flags of Claiming To Be Mindful While Running Around Like a Headless Chicken

A buildup.

If you’re a bit like me, when life gets hectic it can ‘get to you’.

When it does, you feel it in your neck, your sleep, your muscles, and your eyes. Your body tightens. You overanalyze to-do lists and plannings. Meeting the social standards of others haunts you. Your plants get too little or too much water.

Life got a bit hectic around here last few months.

A Buildup of Red Flags

Body and mind like it when we walk. Hence, I choose to walk to the university and to work (25–35 min). I always leave a tiny bit too late. Result: I have to walk too fast to enjoy the benefits of the walk.

During those walks, I type messages and almost crash into lantern poles. Or cross the street with red traffic lights.

While walking, I listen to guided meditations because I don’t have the time at home — how ironic.

If I meditate at home, the minutes fit precisely in the morning. While meditating, my focus is most definitely not on my breath but on the things to do that day. Right after, I jump up, tight my shoelaces, grab my stuff (forget my keys) and rush to work or university.

If I find the time to sit still, often the meditation stops before the gong because Something Seemingly Important pops up.

While I work on study projects, I have this meta-thought hovering over everything, which makes me extremely unproductive. Overthinking each damn line that I write and worry about deadlines that are 1.5 months ahead. When I’m in a conversation with someone, I think about those same lines. ‘Maybe I could write them slightly differently?’ — As if that matters.

Eating meals (any meal) I often do behind a screen while typing away about stress and stress management.

Meditation and yoga have been my salvation in the past — I love them. They improve my sleep, make me laugh more, and lessen my stress. Mindfulness rocks. Also when applied for stress management. That’s why it’s included in my research at the moment.

Still, I tend to skip practicing it when I most need it.

I feel the rush of never-completeness and my heart beats fast. Laying in bed I hear thoughts about study projects, how I would say this-or-that to someone, things happening work, and I’m overanalyzing how I can make ends meet at the end of the month.

Thinking about my future-me and financial worries results in me wanting to write articles on Medium that have a high chance of making it work. Haha!

What was I thinking?

I’m a newbie around here. With barely any experience with writing online — only 15 published articles ever — I can tell you that writing with money as the goal doesn’t work (for me). That means a lot ‘depends’ on my writing. That’s way too much pressure. As soon as I have that money-thought slipping into my writing process, I’m unable to write or publish anything.

Besides that, I’ve been through periods in my life when I was tight on money due to studying and traveling, and I’m well aware that worrying about money doesn’t help. Worrying about money is the last thing you want to do.

Simple money management and time management help.

Stress Relief

I came to Medium for very different reasons and definitely don’t want stress making its way into my writing process. This is what helped my writing flow in the past, and it’s what I’m applying now again : )

Writing can relieve stress, I’m aware of that. Check out Alex Karan’s articles. He wrote several on how to make writing work for you as a stress reliever via expressive writing. One of the key aspects of expressive writing is that you write without a filter, let everything flow, and can go deep. Nobody other than you will read it. (I was writing with self-made pressure to publish something extraordinarily without having any experience within half an hour in between classes. That doesn’t work as a stress reliever, only an enhancer.)

Since last semester, I research stress among students and what effective stress management skills/techniques are. This made me laugh out loud multiple times. I’m researching stress and in the meantime, stress makes me uncomfortable.

Perhaps the bucket had to overflow for me to notice it was full?

I hope to help others one day with coping with stress through mindfulness among other things. Maybe ‘experience expert’ will apply by then ; )

A New Rhythm

Because of all those red flags, I left Medium for a bit and came back refreshed. To enjoy writing and to mindfully connect with you guys instead of feeling rushed when I type comments. To let writing work for me instead of against me.

A new rhythm with yoga, sleep, and meditation as priorities presents itself. Every cell of my body is jumping from joy. I feel more love, get more work done, and have more free time.

Ouf, I’m so happy I took that space to redesign a rhythm that works. I needed it. I recommend it to you if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Reevaluate what you’re doing. Come back with fresh eyes and some love.

Writing and reading now trickle back into my routine. It’s great. The semi-invisible pressure that you have to publish daily and have to read all the work of the people you follow doesn’t exist. It’s only what we make of it and what’s possible in our lives. Even though I said to myself that I didn’t feel it — I did.

I know I’ll always be wiggling around with critical thoughts. If I wasn’t, I’d probably be enlightened, haha. And thoughts are okay. At least now I’m balanced and dancing with them.

How are you doing? How is your balance? What place do reading and writing take?

❤

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