The Recipe For Love: 5% Luck, 15% Chemistry, 80% Commitment

Lessons learned from nineteen years of love.

On June 28th of this year, my wife Valentina and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, summing up to 19 years together.

During dinner a few nights ago, while chatting with a dear couple of friends who have also been married for 20 years, my wife said, “We’ve certainly been very lucky in love.”

Our friend smiled and said, “Honestly, I’ve grown a bit tired of hearing this ‘luck’ story. To stay together for 20 years, luck alone isn’t enough; it takes commitment.”

Valentina and I looked at each other and had an epiphany. She’s absolutely right.

Definitely, luck is essential for getting to know each other, or at least it was on April 24th, 2004, when we first met at the wedding of a girl who happened to be both my colleague and a friend of Valentina.

What would have happened if I had come down with the flu that day and couldn’t attend the wedding?

But luck is just the spark that ignites the fire.

Certainly, there’s also the matter of chemistry, encompassing both physical attraction and intellectual, cultural, and social compatibility. It’s a fundamental ingredient, serving as the fuel in the fire.

In a relationship, if there’s no physical attraction, it doesn’t even begin.

And if there’s no intellectual, cultural, and social compatibility, the relationship ends early because the two people in the couple have too different interests and lifestyles, and apart from physical attraction, they can’t be life companions.

But commitment is the essential ingredient.

It’s the constancy of putting wood into the fire so it never goes out.

During the infatuation phase, everything is easy; it just happens.

But love starts after that.

Love is supporting and protecting your partner in difficult times, putting up with them when they’re nervous and worried, and caring for them when they’re sick.

It may seem difficult and exhausting, but love is what gives meaning to life, and, in truth, love surpasses the enchantment of infatuation.

It embodies a profound physical and mental connection that transcends the need for words.

It’s a warmth in the center of your chest that warms and reassures you.

So, my personal recipe for enduring love is:

• 5% Luck
• 15% Chemistry
• 80% Commitment

I’m Andrea from Bologna, Italy. I write about life, beauty, empathy, and lessons learned. To see my stories pop up on your feed, I’d love for you to follow me (Andrea Feccomandi). And, to have stories sent directly to you, subscribe to The Warm Lasagna, my weekly newsletter.