The Reason You Are Not The Guest People Want
Four lessons to be a more pleasant visitor
In the past, I had a sister-in-law that when she used to say “I’m going to your house” I would think “Oh no! Why?”.
The moment she arrived at my house, I felt uncomfortable in my own place.
The woman was able to occupy more space than she seemed to need. She was huge. Not physically but considering the space she used to touch, sit, be and usurp.
Using my things without asking, giving opinions for things I didn’t ask for. Not treating my cat well. Letting her young child free to do whatever she wanted, including destroying things.
Definitely when I broke up with her brother, getting rid of her was one of the most relieving things that happened to my life at that moment.
I don’t like to sleep in people’s houses, but if I need to do it for one or more days I try to be as invisible as possible. And the reason is obvious.
All people have their habits, different ways to live their lives, different timing that even people who live together for years have conflicts because of this.
Why a person who comes from outside should be a stone in the shoes of the house’s owner?
People who enjoy being obnoxious
In another nasty situation, I invited 3 “friends” to my mother’s house to enjoy the beach as she used to live near.
They behaved well during the time we were there but when we came back to the city we lived in, during a meeting, these three people started making fun of the way my mother used to treat her dog.
The same way my mother raised me, she raises her dog. Overprotected.
But they didn’t only make a simple comment, like an observation, they started making disgusting jokes. In a silly reaction, I tried to explain the reasons she behaves like that, but they were having the pleasure to make mean jokes and didn’t stop.
So I said loud and clear “My mother was very kind accommodating all of you in her house. But next time when you want to visit Cabo Frio to go to the beach, better get a hostel there, because you don’t put your feet in my mother’s home anymore”
With the silence that came after that, I could hear a mosquito singing.
I was rude, I know, but I felt better doing this. It gave me relief.
Lessons I use for me and I want to share with you
Based on my experience and on other people’s complaints about similar experiences, I started thinking about the way I was acting in people's houses. Aside from being overly careful about it, self-analysis is a constant habit.
I listed four crucial lessons to keep in mind when being a guest.
Maybe if you are in a different culture, it does not fit for you, but for many people around me, they use to agree with these:
1- Nothing in the house is yours.
Take off your hand of things that don’t belong to you.
If you want to see something closer and really need to hold it, ask for it!
If you want to use something, ask for it!
2- Kids should be monitored twice more
Children still didn’t develop the common consciousness of what is good to do and what is unpleasant.
So it’s normal that a kid can throw things on the floor, break objects only to make an experiment. It’s part of the development.
When a little one creates this type of uncomfortable situation, it’s not their fault, but it is the parents’ responsibility.
Being in other people’s houses, adult control is essential to keep an eye on the kids. Always. But it should not be done by the host but by who is responsible for the small human being.
And if something goes wrong, the damage should be fixed or paid for!
3- Your opinion about a specific host habit should be kept for you
The host sleeps till late. They don’t wash the dishes after lunch. The children of the hosts are allowed to draw on the wall. Residents eat on the couch.
No matter what’s the habit the guest may think it’s weird, it should not be something to be mentioned or criticized.
And I may say more, it should not be mentioned for other people. Don’t gossip about people’s private life.
The host opens the house for the guest and the guest is saving money when they don’t pay for accommodation. And in many cases, receiving attention and good care.
Don’t act like a jerk. Have politeness and gratitude.
4- Help cleaning and costing
Spending some time being a guest, you will probably do basic things like drink water, have some meal in the house you are accommodated in, and also produce trash. You will take shower and use the toilet.
All these uses will generate dirt and expenses.
It’s the guests' responsibility to clean what got dirty and help with some money to cover the expenses.
Be reasonable is also part of the rules
Of course, things can be more flexible depending on the level of relationship the guest has with the host.
Some rules can be adjusted depending on some specificities.
But it’s extremely necessary to always ask this question being a guest: “Am I being rude doing this?”
For sure, taking this kind of care will avoid a lot of problems.
Being a host, you're not a punching bag. Do something.
I learned to take nonsense. Yes, it’s stupid. I know.
People taught me to avoid conflicts the most that I could. But with my experience, I learned that there is a huge difference between avoiding starting a conflict and accepting people doing whatever they want with us.
Defending ourselves is crucial for a healthy life.
The way I accepted my ex-sister-in-law’s behavior in the past I would not repeat it anymore. First I would try to advise her she was having bad conduct, but if it didn't work, I would ask her to leave.
What else could I do? Be sad in my own house because of a guest?
So, based on my past experience and more recent experiences, I can tell you to protect your private space because it’s an important part of who you are.
With that in mind, being a more polite and kinder guest should be automatic.
Our house is sacred.
And if a guest cannot understand that, they don’t deserve not for one night, be welcomed in our blessed home.
Show them — try a polite way if possible — the address of the next hotel and feel free of situations that can make you feel down in the place where you should feel better, your house!